Jacob Have I Loved
by DazzledbyJake
Summary: This fan fiction is about Jessica—no, not Jessica Stanley—the Quileute girl mentioned on p. 118 of Twilight. I thought it might be interesting to explore a relationship between her and Jacob—what possibly could have happened.
1. Chapter 1

_This fan fiction is about Jessica—no, not Jessica Stanley—the Quileute girl mentioned on p. 118 of __Twilight__. I thought it might be interesting to explore a relationship between her and Jacob—what possibly could have happened. The story starts off the Saturday Bella learns about Edward's secret from Jacob on First Beach in La Push. If you're a Jacob fan, like me, then you should enjoy it. If not, read anyway, okay? Let me know what you think!_

**Jacob Have I Loved**

_Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer created Twilight. I made her my main character's best friend in this story. :D_

**Chapter 1**

_Knock. Knock._ The loud, familiar bumps resound from my front door. Why does Jake always do this? I wonder. He's been my friend for years now—since the moment he was born actually. Why does he always insist on being polite? I guess he owes that to the influence of his father and two sisters.

I grab my green army jacket—a hand-me down from my father—from the hook on the coat rack as I disclose the front door. "Jacob Black, you know, you don't have to knock." I shyly smile at him, pulling on my jacket. "You are like my brother, you know."

"I know, Jess." Jake flashes me his pearly, white teeth, and my heart responsively skips a beat. "Come on. Sam and the others are waiting."

I exit the house, making sure the front door is locked, and head down the driveway to Sam's van. A group of Quileute friends and I are going down to First Beach like we always do on Saturdays. There are eight of us—Jake, Sam, Quil, Embry, Jared, Stephenie, Leah, and me. The usual "pack" I guess you could say. I don't know exactly why we go down there all the time, but any time spent with Jake is worth the usual boring monotony that is La Push on a Saturday.

"Jess, you have _got_ to see my new phone!" Stephenie screeches at the top of her lungs as I step up into the back of the van. "Look, I'm texting right now! OMG! LOL!" Her fingers forcefully pound the keys on the tiny phone in her grasp.

"That's nice." I sigh. God, why does Steph have to be such a valley girl all the time? She is starting to get on my nerves just a little. Ever since she turned sixteen—the same age as me—she's been so incorrigible. I think she is just trying to get Embry's attention as if she needed anything else. She is the prettiest girl in the van of course. Oh, sure, Sam's girl, Leah, is pretty, too, but Steph has other "endowments" if you get my drift. Anyway, Embry is too shy to even ask a girl out. I don't know what she even sees in him.

"Want a soda?" Jake sits down beside me on the woven blanket strewn across the floor of the van, holding up a can of Mountain Dew.

"Sure." I eagerly remove the can from his right hand, and our fingers brush against each other slightly. The brief sensation of his skin against mine sends goose bumps all over my tanned body. He smiles at me fleetingly and opens a can of soda for himself.

Jacob Black and I have been friends ever since I can remember. I am only one year older than him, and our parents have always been close, so naturally we were as well. I remember when his mom, Sarah, died. It was hard on all of them—his father, Billy, and his twin sisters, Rachel and Rebecca. Anyway, a year or so ago, I began to think of him as more than a friend. I guess you could say I fell in love with him.

I longingly peer over at him, my mouth salivating and my heart pounding in my chest. His glistening, black hair is tied back by a rubber band at the base of his neck; his russet-colored skin is beautiful and smooth. Man, he is so gorgeous, and it only took me fifteen years to realize it! But I know that he doesn't feel the same way about me. If he did, he would let me know, right? Boys, I can never figure them out anyway!

"Hey, Jessica!" Quil suddenly calls from the passenger seat, waking me from my drool session, as Sam pulls the silver van out the driveway. Oh, God, Quil and his little crush on me! "You want to come sit up here by me?"

"No, thanks. I'm fine back here." I frown at him and turn my head, so that he can't see my eyes roll in disgust. Quil has always had a thing for me and wasn't subtle about it either. Anyway, I only have eyes for . . .

"Don't worry about him." Jake consolingly drapes his left arm across my shoulders, making me forget all about Quil. "If he tries anything, just kick him you-know-where." I can feel his laughter vibrate down his arm and onto my shoulders.

_I love you, Jacob Black._ My thoughts want me to yell at him, but of course I wouldn't dare. Instead, I settle for, "Thanks."

"Sure, sure." He replies and takes his arm away, thrilling my heart with that simple, familiar phrase.

As the van steadily skids the pavement toward the beach, I can still feel the warmth—the lasting imprint—of his arm about my shoulders.

**Attn: Although this story starts off rather innocent, it is Rated M for future lemons. Yep, you heard right—future lemons! WOOT!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Jacob Have I Loved**

**Chapter 2**

It is about noon when we reach the mile-long stretch of First Beach. It is only just a few minutes drive from my parents' house.

"Hey, there's some kids down there already." Sam observes as he kills the van's engine. "Let's go say 'hi.' "

"Ladies first." Jake tells Stephenie, Leah, and me, as he pulls the side door of the van open. I hop out the van and Leah and Steph follow suit behind me. Sam immediately kisses Leah on the cheek as she exits the van and lovingly wraps his arms around her. I wish Jake would do that to me, I think to myself. Looking away, I glance up at the looming clouds overhead and pull the green jacket tighter about my shoulders with my arms.

"They're probably from Forks." Quil calls as he plops his feet on the damp ground. "Yeah, let's show them who owns the place!"

"Be nice, Quil." Jake warns him, winking at me. My heart gleefully leaps into my throat.

"Ok, man, but you know this is _our_ rez they're on." Quil stands up straight and sticks out his burly chest like a rooster, making us all chuckle. He's such a trip sometimes. I think to myself, shaking my head and laughter away.

As we near the visitors' little campsite, several other pale-faced newcomers are pacing up to them as well from the opposite side. Jake automatically perches himself on one of the stones around the campfire, and I take a seat next to him quickly, so that someone else won't.

"Hey, guys, mind if we join you?" Sam kindly asks, sitting down in the circle along with Jake and me.

"Of course." A pimple-faced, black-haired boy obliges, obviously a little intimidated. "I'm Eric Yorkie." And then, he proceeds to introduce all the others who are with him and those that are arriving as well. ". . . and this is Angela and Isabella."

I glance over at Jake, his eyes widen when he spies the girl named Isabella. My eyes immediately shoot her a disgusted glare. Oh, great, the green-eyed monster is rearing her ugly head. Does he think she's pretty or something? What does she have that I don't? She is so ordinarily plain looking, and she seriously needs some fashion advice. But I try to stay calm. Maybe, I misread his expression.

"I'm Sam. This is Quil, Embry, Leah, Jared, Stephenie, Jessica, and Jacob." Sam respectively points to each of us Quileutes as he speaks.

Then, the boy named Mike hands out sandwiches and sodas to those in his little group. Everyone else is talking and chattering amongst themselves as they eat—except Isabella, Jake, and I who stay mostly quiet. I wonder what Jake could be thinking right now. I hope with all my heart and soul that he's not planning opening lines to try out on that Isabella girl. He stares longingly at her the whole time, causing pangs of sheer jealousy to pound wildly in my ears.

Then, Jake abruptly stands up, strolls over to her, and positions himself right beside her on a driftwood log. "You're Isabella Swan, aren't you?"

Invisible, hot fumes are starting to shoot out of my ears.

"Bella." She replies back, seeming uninterested. Good, she must not like him. That's right, chicky, he's already taken. He's too good for you anyway.

But they continue to talk, and Jake is smiling—almost giddy. I try to ignore them, staring blankly out toward James Island. It is to no avail however. I can't keep myself from eavesdropping on their little, pointless conversation, and I am now livid.

"I was so relieved when Charlie bought it . . ." Jake says. Charlie Swan? The police chief in Forks? I know exactly who this girl is now. Jake's dad, Billy, is good friends with her father. Oh, great, how convenient. He would definitely be able to see her again. Billy would probably love that. Man, why didn't I just tell Jake how I felt when I had the chance? He definitely likes this "Bella" girl, and it literally is driving me insane. Talk about having daggers for someone.

I put my hands over my face and mentally weep. I can't do it physically; they would notice and know something's up with me. I nonchalantly look up through my fingers and scan the coastline for Stephenie. I could go for some girl talk right now. I need to blow off some steam, but I don't see her anywhere. Where the hell is she?

"The Cullens don't come here." Sam obligingly interrupts my thoughts. The Cullens—yeah, they definitely don't come near La Push. There are so many bizarre stories about that family going around in town since they moved back to Forks a few years ago. Everyone on the reservation despises the Cullens, but I'm not quite sure why. Their son--Edward or something like that--however is pretty yummy if I do say so myself . . .

OH—MY–GOD! That Bella girl is flirting with him. She's batting her eyes at him, and he's eating it up, grinning from ear to ear. That #$%*!

"Do you want to walk down the beach with me?" HOW DARE SHE? My frustration is almost about to boil over. I can smell a catfight coming on. But instead I cowardly sit there frozen—almost paralyzed—as Jake and her start to walk north down the beach.

For a brief second, I ponder the notion of running after them, grabbing Jake from behind, and pulling his face to mine—making out with him right in front of her. And he wouldn't pull away—he'd grab the sides of my head and kiss me passionately. She would try to pry him off of me, but he'd shove her to the sand and move his hands down to my . . .

"Jess!" Steph's voice wakes me from my fantasy. I almost growl at her in response. "Whoa, sorry, girl! What's got you all pissed?"

"Jake and that girl." I shoot them a nasty glare as they continue down the sand. The phrase, "if looks could kill," doesn't even cover the look I give them.

"Oh, nice kitty." Steph cackles very Wicked-Witch-of-the-West like. "Since when did you care about Jake's love life?"

"I don't." I purposefully lie through my teeth, trying to mask my chagrin. I don't want her to know about my fondness for Jake. Not yet at least.

"Then, why do you look like you want to claw that girl's eyes out?" Steph is clearly amused, taking my right palm into hers. "You like Jake, don't you?"

"No, I don't." I forcibly shoo away her hand and stand up from my rock, but she grabs and tugs my hand back before I can get away.

"Yes, you do. I've seen the way you look at him." Her face is right in front of mine. She is able to see right through me. She always has. I'm like an open book, she's always said.

"I just don't want to see him get hurt." I frown, tears welling up in my brown eyes, glaring at the two of them off in the distance, hating her with every fiber of my being. "That's all."

"Come on, Jess. You can tell me. I'm your BFF, remember?" Steph's dark-brown eyes peer at me with such concern, and that's all it takes. The floodgates open, and I weep for what seems like hours onto her shoulder.


	3. Chapter 3

**Jacob Have I Loved**

**Chapter 3**

"How long have you felt this way, Jess?" Stephenie finally pulls away from me, watching my tear-stained eyes spill over even more.

"Oh, I don't know." I bury my head in my hands and run them through my long, black hair, wishing I were anywhere but here. It is so mortifying to tell my best friend I was in love with a younger guy.

"He is pretty sexy and all, but he's a year younger than you, Jess." She looks away. I stare down the beach only to see Jake and that Bella girl settled nice and cozy on a driftwood tree. "Plus, you've been friends all your lives. You really want to throw that away with some little fling?"

"It wouldn't be some, little fling!" I scream at her, fuming. But then, I regret my words the instant they part from my lips. Steph busts out in laughter, steadying herself on the rock beside us. "What? And like Embry isn't too young for you?"

"Leave me out of this! You've really got it bad, don't you?" She muses, donning her Cheshire grin. "You know, you could always just tell him. You want me to tell him. I'll break up their little flirting session right now." Steph starts to trudge her way over to them.

"No!" I grab the hood of her jacket and yank her back. She stumbles slightly and places a hand on my left shoulder.

"You could always try to make him jealous." Steph deviously bats her eyes at me, her mind already plotting the scheme. "Quil _has_ always liked you, you know."

"Quil? As if!" Now, who's the valley girl? I mentally slap myself clean across the face. "Why don't I just puke now and get it over with?"

"You could, you know, test drive him a little." Steph licks her lips, and I know the exact meaning of her little pun.

"You whore! I'm not having sex with Quil!" Ugh! I can't believe she's even suggesting this! "He's so pompous—he'd probably tell the whole rez and my rep would be ruined!"

"It's just a thought—hey, looks like they're heading back this way and that Mike guy is with them. He's pretty fine for a white guy if I do say so myself." Oh, God, here we go. Steph and her hormones. "Doesn't his family own Newtons' Olympic Outfitters in Forks?"

"Yeah, I thought I recognized him." I watch Jake and that girl continue to banter with Mike and the other Jessica as preludes to rain begin to trickle from the gloomy clouds above.

"That would be cool." I hear Jake's husky voice call after Bella as she joins her group—that by the look of things—is now leaving. The rain evidently is scaring them away. Good, let them go! I hope it rains for years and years, and they never come back.

"I think she asked him out." Steph places her now-gloved hand on my shoulder, frowning. My heart immediately sinks like a lump into the pit of my stomach. I fixate my eyes on Jake, and his beautiful eyes are still glued to Bella as she jumps into the waiting Suburban. Did I mention how much I HATE her!!!

"I think Jake has a girlfriend!" Quil tauntingly teases, punching Jake forcefully on the arm. Jake instantly returns his playful gesture, and the two of them collapse to the sand, wrestling like two caged monkeys. I laugh at them despite the never-ending hatred I hold for this Bella chick.

"Hey, guys, cut it out! Let's go before it starts to pour!" Sam's overbearingly orders and starts to pound the sand back toward his van, his arm draped about Leah's shoulders.

"I'm sorry, Jess." Steph elbows me as the seven of us follow Sam's lead toward the parked van. Her face is full of sorrow. I don't respond. I just look off at the ocean, wishing for only a fleeting moment that I could be Bella.

"Shotgun!" Jake hastily calls as he is the first to reach the van after Sam and Leah. Damn, I won't be able to sit by him now and try to get his mind off her. DAMN! DAMN! DAMN!

"You want to sit by me, Jess?" Quil purposefully asks, flexing his biceps at me. I glance over at Steph, and she nods her head as if giving me permission.

_Go for it_, she mouths and winks at me. Maybe, I should take her up on her offer and try to make Jake jealous. But at the same time, I don't want to use Quil like this. He _is_ a horny, little toad.

"Sure, Quil." I give in against my better judgment, hopping into the van and sitting next to him.

Quil is obviously elated that I'm near him. He immediately sits up straight and flexes his peck muscles. Jake looks back, raising his eyebrows at the new development between Quil and me. Good, here's my chance, I think to myself.

I casually lean my head over and rest it gently on Quil's right shoulder. Whoa, he's wearing _way_ too much cologne. Man, did he take a bath in it this morning? I repulsively pinch my nose. In response, Quil rises and situates his right arm over my shoulder to pull me closer. He is clearly excited to have me in his arms—no, seriously, I can see his happiness bulging from his jeans. ICK! Oh, God, I've gone too far here already. I feel like such a tease.

I quickly turn my attention back to Jake, and he is still watching, the expression on his face is one of confusion—jealousy, maybe? I hope so—the thought of Quil getting aroused by me just sitting next to him is making me nauseous though.

Before I know what I'm doing, I reach over and plant a big, fat, wet kiss on Quil's right cheek. He smiles wider that I've ever seen him, obviously satisfied with himself.

"I knew you wanted me." Quil whispers low in my ear. Oh, God, I think I'm going to be sick! What have I done?

"Remember, what I said earlier, Jess?" Jake's voice resounds in my head, relieving the regretful pains in my stomach. He forms his right hand into a tight fist and says, "Kick him you-know-where."

"Shut it, Jake! You're just jealous that Forks girl didn't give you any." Quil replies, boasting his recent success.

"We'll see about that." Jake jokingly retorts, smirking at the two of us. Then, his grin slowly fades, and his eyes peer at me with what only could be described as a look of worry. I gulp my foolishness down my throat, and he hurriedly looks away.

Steph grabs my hand, squeezing it gently and giving me a "thumbs up." I half-smile back at her and am completely disgusted with myself as Quil's arm tightens even more about my shoulders.


	4. Chapter 4

**Jacob Have I Loved**

**Chapter 4**

_10 unread text messages_. The tiny screen on my cell phone reads as I ride the bus to the tribal school that Monday morning. I click the "read" button and notice that they are ALL from Quil. Great, there's no stopping him now. He's never going to let me live down what I did on Saturday. Without a second thought, I repeatedly press the "delete" key until all of Quil's messages are erased. I can always say I never got them.

I stare blindly out the window of the yellow bus as the rain beats gently again the pane. I notice Stephenie's reflection beside me in the glass. She hasn't spoken a word to me since she got on the bus. I hope she's not mad at me or anything . . .

"Jess?" Steph's lips are moving in tune with her words in the reflection. "I'm sorry about suggesting that you get with Quil."

I look over at her and give her a smile. "That's okay. I'm the one who took the bait, remember?"

"But you didn't have to listen to me." She frowns, pursing her lips. "There's something else, too."

"What?" I lift my eyebrows in curiosity.

"Jake called me last night. He's really worried about you." Steph whispers with her hand cupped around her mouth. My heart swells at the notion that Jake could be worried about me.

"What do you mean—he's worried about me?" I lower my voice as well.

"He knows how Quil is." Steph rolls her eyes. "He doesn't want to see you get hurt. He practically begged me to talk to you about it."

"Really?" Surges of sheer elation surged throughout my body. Jake was concerned about me. Could it be he possibly has forgotten this Bella chick we met a few days ago?

"Yeah, just don't say anything to him about it. I swore to him I wouldn't tell you that he called." Steph peers at me, a look of desperation crosses her face.

"Did he say anything else?" I anxiously question.

"Yeah, he's madly in love with you by the way!" She is obviously joking, for she bursts into hysterics the second she utters the words. "No, but seriously, don't tell him."

Our conversation ends as our bus reaches the Quileute Tribal School. All of our friends from our Saturday trip, with the exception of Sam, who graduated last year, attend school here, and most of our other friends are enrolled at the Quillayute Valley Public in Forks. The school has students from a variety of neighboring Native American tribes and is like a normal public school except that tribal life and customs are fused into the curriculum.

As the bus driver opens the door, I pull my backpack onto my shoulder and prepare to be inundated by Quil, who I now spy eagerly running toward the bus. Oh, why did it have to stop raining?

"Your boyfriend's waiting on ya!" Steph kids me as we step down off the bus.

"Hiya, Jess!" Quil flexes his biceps exaggeratedly as he puts his arms around me. "Can I walk you to class?"

_Help me!_ I mouth to Stephenie as he kisses my temple.

"Um, she's walking with me today, Quil." Steph graciously relieves me, and I shrug off Quil's stronghold on my shoulders. I hurriedly scamper away, linking my arm with Steph's as we pass the school's erected totem pole and head off to Algebra class.

"Ok, well, see you at lunch, then!" I hear him call after us. His tone is clearly one of disappointment.

"How am I going to get rid of him now, Steph?" I desperately search her face as we walk inside the school building.

"Just tell him your waiting for marriage. That will make him leave you alone." Steph jestingly suggests, her red lips rising into a smirk.

I roll my eyes at her and laugh along with her as we enter our Algebra class. I notice Mr. Picha, a fellow Quileute, is already writing our homework assignment on the board.

"Haćh chi í." (pronounced hah-ch chee-EH, meaning "good morning" in Quileute) Mr. Picha looks up from the board and greets Steph and me as we take our usual seats.

"Haćh chi í." Steph and I respond in unison to our instructor, taking out our books and preparing for the never-ending lull that is quadratic equations . . .

"Hey, Jess!" I freeze, the fork still in my mouth. Quil takes a seat beside me in our school cafeteria, smiling from ear to ear. I put the fork out and chew my macaroni and cheese, feeling the previously-ingested chunks start to rise in my throat. Steph half-smiles at me from across the table as Embry positions himself next to her. She immediately blushes and seems to forget I'm there. Great, I guess I'll have to face the horny toad all by myself this time. I forcefully stab my fork like a knife into my pasta, looking for the exits.

"So, I was thinking . . ." Quil's arm is about my shoulders. I can see out the peripherals of my vision that he's eyeing my boobs. Yuck! I shouldn't have worn this V-neck shirt today. "I thought you'd like to come over this Friday. My parents are out of town. Family thing in Sequim."

_Oh, no, Steph, help me!_ I mentally scream at her. _HELP!_ I slam my fork down onto the tray. Everyone at the table jumps in surprise.

"Whoa, you're feisty today. Just the way I like it!" Quil muses, his lips curling at my hostility. Steph is still drooling over Embry. I have to think fast.

"Um, I don't know, Quil." I don't even grace him with eye contact as I speak. "My parents won't let me if your parents won't be there."

"You could always not tell them." He's smiling now, sure of himself or full of himself, one or the other.

"I guess so." What are you doing, woman? Where's a firedrill when you need one? _Help, Steph, help!_

"Actually, Jess is helping me with my English paper this Friday." A familiar, angelic voice saves me from Quil's advances. I look up only to see Jake standing behind us, his long, black hair loose about his shoulders and his blue, Aerosmith T-shirt taunt against his chest, showing his small, but contoured, muscles. My eyes flutter, and I could seriously jump him right now if we weren't in school. "Slide down one, Quil."

Quil reluctantly removes his arm from my shoulders and scoots down one seat to let Jake sit beside me. Jake places his tray down on the table as he positions himself on the little stool. He turns to me briefly, giving me a smile and a wink. My cheeks instantly flush, and I am completely smitten with my savior.

_Marry me, Jake._ I almost swoon, deeply inhaling his musky scent. _Let's make some full-blooded Quileute babies._

"Jess?" Steph wakes me from my daydreams. "Who are you asking to the dance Saturday? You know, it's girls' choice." She suggestively nods her head toward Jake, and I know where she's going with this.

"She's asking me, of course." Quil helps himself to a French fry from Jake's lunch tray, chucking it into his mouth.

"Excuse me, Quil. Is your name Jess?" Steph's eyes throw daggers at him as she speaks and then turns back to me. Quil makes a cat-like noise and claws at her in response, munching on his fry. "Seriously . . . what about you, Jake?"

"What about me?" Jake questions, his mouth full of cheeseburger. I rapidly fan my hands at her and mouth "no." My gesture causes Jake to look over at me, and I shyly lower my arms.

"Why don't you go to the dance with Jess?" I could have killed her with the fork now resting on my tray. Stabbed. Murdered. Bleeding to death on the tiled floor. "Unless you want to ask that Bella girl from Forks?" But then, I realize where she's going with this—she's testing him.

"Sure, you wanna go with me, Jess? I'm not that good of a dancer, I'm afraid." Jake peers at me, swallowing his bite of burger. His expression appears almost hopeful.

"Ok." It's the only word I can utter. I'm completely speechless. I can't believe he actually asked me! I could have leapt across the table and planted a kiss right on Steph's lips with everyone watching. Oh, no, I've probably just wandered into one of Quil's little fantasies.

"Cool." Jake fleetingly presses his right hand to my left and returns to his cheeseburger. My hearts thumps rapidly in my chest. Steph happily gives me a satisfied grin, and my lips tell her "thank you" without saying a word. She is my BFF for sure.

"But, Jake, she's my girl." Quil almost pouts. No one else says a word, but I can hear the faint rumbling of laughter emanating from the gorgeous guy sitting next to me.


	5. Chapter 5

**Jacob Have I Loved**

**Chapter 5**

On Friday afternoon that same week, I find myself, helping my mother at the La Push market after I arrive home from school. My mother, Melissa Burnside, rents a booth every weekend to sell cedar baskets and hats, which are all woven by hand. It is my job to work the small register and also to make several ones from my own design for my mother to sell. Mostly, our customers are locals due to the lack of efficient tourism in our area, but my mother is highly optimistic that the crowds will pick up in a few years. I hope she is right; it can get so boring, sitting here all afternoon and wishing I were somewhere else.

I close my eyes and wonder what Jake is doing right now. Wherever he is, I hope he's thinking of me, too. I can vividly recall the fragrant, musky scent that permeates the dull air whenever he enters the room. I deeply inhale, and I can almost smell him where I am, perched on my wooden stool behind the droves of baskets and flimsy hats.

"Jess? Are you falling asleep on the job again?" A husky voice startles me from my fantasy. I open my eyes only to see my dream transform into reality. No wonder I could smell him—he was right in front of me the whole time. Jake grins at me. It almost causes me to fall off my stool. Man, he has to stop doing that—my thumping heart is going to leap out of my chest one of these days. Not to mention I could seriously injure myself.

"No. I mean, I was just daydreaming I guess." I shake away my thoughts. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to talk to you." Jake's expression turns to one of concern. "Do you mind?" He motions to the empty stool beside me.

"No, not at all." I pat the top of the stool gently to invite him to take seat. _You can do more than just sit there if you'd like._ I think quietly to myself, making my cheeks turn fifty shades of crimson. "Still need help on that English paper?"

He chuckles and replies, "There's no paper. I was just trying to help you out Monday."

"Oh." I shyly answer, twisting my silver ring around my finger several times. "What is it then?"

Jake takes a deep breath and continues, "Jess, we've been friends for a long time, and Quil and I have been, too. I don't know if it would be such a good idea for you and me to show up together at the dance tomorrow night."

I feel myself starting to go numb, my arms shaking at his words. I can't speak. I want to run away and cry. Why is he doing this to me at the last minute? And he says I'm just his "friend." Wait a minute—that _is_ all I am to him.

"Are you okay?" Jake finally breaks the silence, placing his right hand onto my left. I can't even feel the sensation of his hand on mine from the numbness surging throughout my body. "You're not, you know, disappointed or anything, are you?"

"No." I lie, gritting my teeth in utter frustration.

"Good. I'd hate to know I hurt your feelings." Jake looks at me, his face only inches from mine. It wouldn't take much to pull his face to mine and show him how I really feel. I force myself to look away.

"Jake?" I feel a tear rolling down my left cheek. Oh, no! He can't see me like this. I quickly wipe it away, hoping he doesn't notice.

"Yeah?"

I turn to face him once more, trying to make him see reason. "I thought you told Stephenie you didn't want me to date Quil."

"She told you that, huh?" Jake embarrassingly stares at his hands, which are now twirling the zipper pulls at the bottom of his flannel jacket.

"Sorry, I swore to her I wouldn't say anything to you." Damn, I've totally betrayed Steph. She's going to never speak to me again.

"That's okay. I won't tell her if you won't." The familiar, beautiful smile returns to his face. Then, he sighs. "I just don't want Quil to be _Quil_ with you—if you get me."

"I know. He's making me sick just being around him." My comment makes him laugh again. Man, I love him. Why can't he see it? Could I be any more transparent?

"You mean--you don't like him?" Jake's eyes widen, his expression confused.

"Not really." I stand up to help a customer who has just sauntered up to the booth. She is pale-skinned and obviously from out of town, judging from the wide-brimmed straw hat and large camera around her neck. A tourist no doubt. "Good afternoon, ma'am, may I help you?"

"No, thank you." She retorts and immediately walks away.

"You sure know how to reel the customers in." Jake puts an arm around my shoulders and is amused. Then, he is serious again. "Anyway, why did you pretend to like him then last Saturday? He hasn't stop talking about you since. He's liked you for years now."

_Because I'm madly in love with you, Jake, and I wanted you to be jealous._ "I don't know." I deceptively reply, shrugging my shoulders.

"Chicks are _so_ complicated." He runs his fingers through his glistening hair and shakes his head. "Anyway, why don't we just all go together? As a group, I mean."

"Sure." I let out a short breath, relieved. I will still be going with him, just not how I planned. YES! YES! YES!

"And we're all going cliff-diving tomorrow afternoon. You wanna come?" Jake's eyes are completely melting my insides into a pile of goo.

"Yeah, Steph mentioned it. I'll be there." I smile at him, batting my eyes.

"Good. I'll see you then." He looks at me, puzzled, but then starts to leave. I notice his dad, Billy Black, is coming toward us in his wheelchair. "I have to go. Bye, Jess."

"Bye, Jake." I call after him, and Billy gives me a friendly wave. Returning his greeting, I watch the two of them head toward their black car and retreat to my daydreams again. This time I fantasize of slow dancing with my beloved Jacob Black in my arms.

**Attn: Remember me saying this story was Rated M for future lemons . . . Well, we're not quite there yet (about half way). Hang with me, and you won't be disappointed! And you know, reviews make me type faster—always! Thanks for all the lovin' so far! :D**


	6. Chapter 6

**Jacob Have I Loved**

**Chapter 6**

Cliff diving. One of the few recreational activities La Push has to offer its teenagers these days. However, I've never tried it. The thought of it actually terrifies me, but what else am I going to do today—the market closed early due to low customer traffic. I mutter these thoughts to myself, throwing my large, beach towel over my shoulder, as I head over to Steph's house only a few blocks down from mine. The water is probably freezing today, but being with Jake will definitely be a warming perk.

As I near her house, I notice she is already pulling her mom's navy-blue Toyota out the driveway. I hurriedly jog over to the passenger side of the car.

"Hey, girl!" I greet her as the car comes to a halt.

"You ready for this?" Steph happily asks, and I open the door and plop myself down in the passenger side seat.

"Ask me that again when I'm standing at the top of the cliff." I huff, already regretting my promise to Jake to come today.

"Jake's going to be there." She gladly informs me, not knowing that I am aware of the fact. "Are you excited about the dance tonight? This could be your chance to finally get with him."

"I'm not going with him anymore." I sadly confess, staring off at the trees as they blur by the car window. "He doesn't want to hurt Quil's feelings."

"You're joking." Steph is surprised, and I shake my head in response. "Well, at least he's honest, I guess." A long pause. "That must mean he really likes you!"

I roll my eyes at her and vow to stop talking for now. She is planting too much hope in my head. However, I secretly hope he does feel the same way about me as we speed steadily toward the beach . . .

When we arrive at our destination, I notice our all-male group of friends—Quil, Embry, and Jared—standing near the ledge of the rocky cliffs. They have already been testing the waters from the look of things; Embry's wet tresses and soaked shirt, which now clings to his body, display the evidence all too clearly. Now, I can see what Stephenie likes about him. He looks pretty sexy all wet. FOCUS, GIRL! Jake, remember?

"Jess!" Quil's face is right at my window. I frustratingly grit my teeth and focus my attention to Steph as she parks the car.

"Remember . . . waiting 'till marriage." She wickedly cackles as she opens the driver's side door. I smile and follow her lead, exiting the car and ignoring Quil, who is following me like a puppy all the way to the edge of the cliff.

The chilly, drifting wind wildly tosses my hair, and I instantly pull the hood of my dad's jacket over my head. I look around, but don't notice Jake. Where is he? My toes graze the edge of the cliff, and I loudly gulp at the raging, gray waters below. A loose pebble trickles down the side of the rocks, and I lose sight of it half way down. I can't believe I agreed to this. What was I thinking?

"You look like you're ready, Jess." I spin around and there he is—GORGEOUS AS EVER. His drenched hair is tied back in a rubber band; his wet clothes . . . my tongue is almost hanging out, panting. I feel lightheaded and lean forward as if I'm about to faint, but he catches me. His gentle touch against my chest sends electric currents throughout my body. "Are you okay? Maybe, you shouldn't do this."

"No." I step back, letting his palm drop from my chest. "I'm fine."

"Sure, she is." Quil's arm is about my shoulders—AGAIN. "I'll jump with you, babe. Don't you worry."

"Maybe, Jake should take her down a little lower." Steph graciously interjects, and I could kiss her again. "This _is_ her first time, you know." She winks at me, obviously proud of her little joke.

"Another cherry, boys!" Quil squeals in delight, clapping his hands together.

"Grow up, Quil!" Jake takes my hand as Embry, Quil, and Jared howl in laughter at Quil's derision. Then, suddenly, Jake slaps Quil on the back of the head with his free hand to silence him and turns his attention back to me. "Come on, Jess."

"Hey, just don't try anything with my girl, Jake!" Quil calls after us. But we both ignore him.

Jake leads me down to a lower level of the cliff, still holding my hand. I can't believe his hand is in mine. I am grinning from ear to ear and giggling like a little schoolgirl, but I hope he doesn't notice. He has such an effect on me. We reach the edge of the lower ledge, and Jake affectionately looks over at me.

"You ready or do you need a second?" He kindly asks, his right hand still in my left. The warmth of his palm is exhilarating; I don't want to let it go. He senses my uneasiness and assures me, "I won't let go, I promise."

I peer down at the raging waters below, wishing I could just stand here and hold his hand forever. But I don't want to appear weak. I break his grip, tossing off my brown mules and pulling off my white socks. The cliff feels like ice under my bare feet, causing me to flinch, as I remove my jacket and rest it beside my shoes on the ledge. "I'm ready."

"Good. Ok, on the count of three." Jake takes my hand again as I stand back up.

"One." I close my eyes. "Two." I brace myself.

"Three." We both heftily leap off the cliff, hand-in-hand.

I instantly panic and part my hand from his. I terrifyingly scream at the top of my lungs and plunge into the frigid waves beneath my feet. The water is so cold; my body becomes numb almost instantaneously as I desperately fight my way back to the surface. When my head finally emerges from the darkness of the ocean, I gasp, taking the long-lost air into my lungs. I can barely feel my arms as I intently struggle to keep my head above water. I never want to do that again.

"Jess!" Jake's voice is in my ear, and his arms are wrapping about me now, pulling me to him. I immediately enclose my limp legs around his waist and grasp his shoulders with all the strength I can muster. I'm completely grateful to him at the moment. "I'm sorry I let go."

"No, _I_ let go." I'm shivering now. "I got—scared."

"That's okay. It happens." Jake is obviously amused, smiling, but then his face is suddenly serious. His face is right in mine, our noses almost touching. Drops of water languidly roll from his forehead and off the base of his chin. Jake's eyes are piercing into my own, and my heart begins its familiar wild rhythm whenever he is near. I feel almost hypnotized as I stare into his beautiful, brown eyes. The fear instantly leaves me, and I pull my legs tighter around his waist. This is the moment I've been waiting for, and I've never wanted him more.

"Jess . . ." Jake tenderly leans his head to the side and moves his face closer.

_He's going to kiss me._ I close my eyes and prepare for it, my heart pumping my blood even faster.

Jake's soft lips press gently against mine. I forget where we are. I forget how cold and wet I am. I forget my name.

I forcefully grab the back of his head, and Jake kisses me harder, slipping his tongue into my mouth. I feel the sensation of pure ecstasy surge throughout my body. _This is really happening_, I gleefully tell myself.

He pulls me closer to him, pressing his hands against my bottom. Man, he is a good kisser, and his lips taste amazing. I never want to stop. The area in between my body and his starts to throb and pulsate; I've never felt this sensation before, and my mind begins to wonder how good he is . . . Then, he abruptly pulls away, causing my thoughts to dissipate.

"Sorry." Jake says, releasing my vice grip from around the base of his neck and taking a deep breath. Did he really just apologize for making out with me? "I can't do this, Jess. No matter how much I want to." He sighs, almost in reluctance, and my legs unwrap from around his body. "Quil is my friend." He swims away from me and begins to paddle toward the beach.

"Jake!" I yell at him, beginning to follow him through the frigid waves. But he ignores me and continues to pace toward the shore.

I stop dead in the water, the burn of his kiss still throbbing on my lips, and deeply regret I ever listened to Steph's advice in the first place.

**Attn: This chapter was one of my favorites to write. I love the whole cold, dripping-wet kiss . . . yummy! For some reason, I imagined myself as Jess in this chapter. Weird . . . Please review. Thanks! :D**


	7. Chapter 7

**Jacob Have I Loved**

**Chapter 7**

"You made out with Jake?" Steph's face is full of shock as she dots lipgloss on her lips, beautifying herself for tonight's dancing festivities. "Aren't you glad I suggested that Jake take you down lower? I guess he took you down alright!"

"Steph, you have such a dirty mind! It wasn't like that!" I adjust my straight, jet-black hair in her vanity's mirror. "It was . . . passionate."

"And in the water, too! You know, that's one of my fantasies!" She amuses me, while piling on layers and layers of black mascara. "Is he a good kisser?"

"Yes." My heart thrills at the memory of his lips pressed against mine. "But he told me that he can't be with me because of Quil."

Steph suddenly spins to face me, the mascara wand frozen in front of her face. "Oh, God, Jess! I'm so sorry! That's why he ignored you the rest of the afternoon. You must hate me!"

"I don't hate you. I just wish I could go back and change things." I frown at the reflection of myself in the mirror.

"Maybe, tonight, you can." Steph smiles at me, hopeful. "Embry's already warming to me. I think I can get to at least second base tonight with him." Ugh! Thanks for that. I just pictured it!

"Steph, I don't think Embry even knows what second base is. He'll probably think you want to play baseball with him." I jestingly remark, dabbing clear lipgloss on my pink lips.

"We'll see." Steph laughs as she brushes and smoothes her hair one last time. "You ready?"

"Yes." My heart nervously begins to throb in my chest, and she tugs my hand to lead me out to her mom's waiting car. . .

The tremendous beat of the music begins to thump deep in my chest as Steph and I enter the tribal school's gym. Swarms of couples are already spinning it out on the dance floor, and I notice a disco ball is gleaming from atop the DJ's booth. The PTA really went all out on this one for sure.

"Hey, there's the boys!" Steph screams into my ears over the blaring music as she points toward the refreshment table to our right. Quil, Embry, and Jake are lounging on the folded-up bleachers, and they notice us the second I turn my gaze. Oh, God, here comes Quil!

"Hey, babe! You look awesome!" He plants a wet peck on my right cheek, and his wandering eyes tell me he means "my boobs" look awesome. "Let's boogie!" He then proceeds to do some kind of weird monkey gesture he calls dancing in front of me. It looks like he's in pain more than having fun, and it makes my side hurt as I laugh hysterically at him.

I peer around him at Jake, who is looking out toward the dance floor and sipping from the plastic cup in his hand. His hair is down, draping his shoulders, and he is wearing a loose, striped tie and a yellow, long-sleeve shirt with jeans. The shirt is about two sizes too small for him, but it makes his muscles even more noticeable, so I'll let it slide.

Jake suddenly glances in my direction, lowering the cup from his face. He doesn't smile; he only nods his head and looks back toward our fellow classmates. Damn, I could kick myself for what I've done. I immediately grab Steph by her left arm and drag her away from them toward the ladies room.

"What is your problem, Jess?" Steph exasperatedly asks as we step into the restroom. "You practically ripped my arm out the socket!"

"I'm sorry." I burst into tears. "I think we should go, Steph."

She envelopes me with her arms, patting me lightly on the back. "We just got here, Jess. Give it a chance."

"I've lost him now for good." I sob into her shoulder.

"No, you haven't." She pulls away, gripping the sides of my head. "Ask him to dance when the next slow song comes on. The worst thing he can do is turn you down. Then, you'll truly know where he stands."

"But, Steph, he told me he can't because Quil's his friend." I peer at her through the tears flooding my brown eyes.

"Then, end it with Quil right now." Steph loosens her hands from my head. "Tell him how you really feel."

"I don't want to hurt him."

"You're hurting him more by leading him on." Steph takes my hands into hers. "Now, let's get you cleaned up and back out there! I've got a man to stalk, too, ya know!" She makes me laugh, and I hurriedly wipe the tears from under my eyes. She helps me by dabbing my eyes with tissues. "There, you look gorgeous. Now, go get 'em!"

**********************  
"Quil, would you like to dance?" I politely extend my hand to Quil after parting with my best friend several minutes later.

"You know it, babe." Quil stands up from his perch on the bleachers and sits his drink down beside Embry, who is now engrossed in a conversation with Steph. She looks at me fleetingly and smiles as Quil grabs my right hand and leads me out onto the floor.

I place my hands about Quil's shoulders and notice the familiar stench of his cologne radiating from every fiber of his clothes. Oh, God, help me again! His hands firmly grip my waist, and I am already regretting my offer to dance with him.

"Quil, there's something I need to say." I close my eyes, trying to block out the fact that his hands are moving slowly down to my butt.

"Sure, babe. Hit me." He pulls me closer, twirling me on the dance floor. His hands are on my bottom now. #$%!

I rack my brain to find just the right words to say, and then, after a long pause, I say, "I'm kinda seeing someone else."

"What?" Quil stops spinning me, and his smile droops to a frown.

"I'm sorry, Quil. You're a great friend. I just don't like you the way you like me." Yes! That will do the trick. At least, I hope it will.

"Oh, I see." He drops his hands, but doesn't look too upset. "No probs . . . So, you still want to come over to my place later. My parents are still out of town."

"Quil, she said she doesn't want you, okay? Now, back off!" Jake is standing right beside us now, nothing but anger in his eyes. Where did he come from? He always pops up when I least expect it, but nevertheless, I am _so_ glad he did this time!

"Ok, man. Chillax!" Quil speedily scampers off toward the refreshment table, and my heart is thrumming like a drum inside my chest.

"Thanks, Jake." I turn my gaze back to my savior.

"Sure, sure." He repeats his usual reply, staring at the floor.

_Just do it already! Ask him to dance before the song is over!_ My thoughts are screaming at me.

"Jake, you wanna dance?" I shyly ask, my nervousness almost paramount. "You know, since we're standing in the middle of the dance floor and all."

"Yes." And with that, his arms wrap around my waist, and I can feel his even breathing on my neck. Jake pulls me closer and guides me across the floor.

I don't even hear the music as he peers into my eyes like he did in the water early that day. Breaking his gaze, I place my head gently on his right shoulder, and he rests his head tenderly on mine. Butterflies are fluttering in my stomach. I breathe in his warm, musky scent, and it engulfs all my senses, intoxicating me with every passing second. This is the moment I've been daydreaming about all week, and I never want it to end.

**Attn: Aww, doesn't that take you back? The next chapter is probably my fave of the entire fan fic. Thanks for reading and please review. :D Also, if you are over 18 and love Twilight fan fiction, check out freedomfanfictionwriters(dot)com. I post all of my stories there as well.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Jacob Have I Loved**

**Chapter 8**

"Thanks for walking me home." I show my appreciation to Jake as we casually stroll along the wooded path to my parents' house. Steph practically begged me earlier to allow her to give Embry a ride home from the dance without my company, and I graciously obliged. She had come to my aid too many times to count the past week. It was my gift to her. Plus, Jake offered to walk me home right after he overheard her pleas, and I was all too happy to accept.

"Sure, sure." Jake peers up at the moon hidden amongst the clouds. Thankfully, it's not raining tonight, which is unusual for our area. "Quil didn't look too happy that I was walking you home though."

"He'll get over it." I snicker at him, pulling my army jacket tighter to invite more warmth. We walk in silence for several more minutes. The only sound that can be heard is the scuffing of our feet against the wet pavement, and then, I nosily prod, "So, have you heard anything from that Forks girl we met last week?"

"You mean Bella?" He looks over at me, his eyes glistening in the moonlight. My breath quickens in response.

"Yeah." I loudly gasp for air and clear my throat.

"My dad took me with him over to her dad's house a few days ago." He smiles, turning his gaze from mine. "She's seems pretty nice. Anyway, I think she's dating Dr. Cullen's son, Edward. My dad didn't seem too happy about it." He chuckles briefly, sighing.

"Oh." My insides are about to burst with elation at Jake's answer. Good, here's my chance to get that Bella girl off his mind. I searchingly rack my brain to find something else to talk to him about. "So, are you excited about baseball season coming up?"

"Who isn't?" Jake responds, and then, dead silence again.

"How's the Rabbit coming along?" I try harder to make him talk to me.

"Ok, I guess. Still need a few parts." He replies, looking down at the wet path. Man, what is wrong with me? Doesn't he want to talk to me? Why is he so quiet all of a sudden? He normally would have talked my ears off by now. Oh, right, we literally made out earlier today. Things will never be _normal_ between us again.

We finally reach my house, and Jake continues to walk with me up to my front door. My parents have driven to Port Angeles for dinner and a movie, so I'll have the house to myself until at least eleven. An idea suddenly pops into my head.

"Jake, you wanna come in for some cake?" Cake? What is he? A five-year-old? I mentally slap myself for the umpteenth time this week.

"Sure, your mom always makes the best." Jake agrees, holding the screen door open for me, as I fumble with my keys. YES! I widely grin as I open the door, my heart soaring in jubilation.

As we enter the house, I shake off my jacket and hook it on the coat rack. Jake does the same with his, following me into the kitchen. I hurriedly retrieve a plate from the cupboard and a knife and fork from the drawer beside the refrigerator, my hands shaking nervously. As I open the plastic container, in which my mother keeps her famous chocolate cake, I can sense Jake is standing right behind me.

"Jess, about earlier today . . ." His palms grasp my elbows from behind, making my knees almost buckle at his touch. I spin around, and he tucks the loose strands of hair behind my left ear and cups his right hand around my cheek. He then stares longingly into my eyes, and my mind forgets all about the cake.

"Yes." I nervously swallow, my mouth completely dry. I can't move; it's like he has me in a trance.

"I really liked it." Jake's lips shape into a smirk, his eyes never parting from mine. The sweet scent of his breath leaves me completely inebriated.

"Me too." I confess, my being pulsating from the inside out. I can't take the tension anymore, and I fiercely press my lips to his. He instantly returns my kiss, grabbing the sides of my head with both palms. I feel every inch of me aching for him as his tongue begins to explore my mouth.

Jake's hands move slowly down my body, and he ferociously clutches my bottom with his strong fingers. He then breaks free from my lips, lifting me up onto the kitchen counter and positioning his body in between my legs. I lean my head back, relishing in the warmth of his body next to mine. My wedge-heeled pumps fall violently to the floor as he begins to kiss down my neck and onto my chest. The sensation of his soft lips against my skin leaves me breathless, and the area in between my legs begins to hungrily burn for him.

"Jess, I've liked you for awhile now." Jake's lips are right under my ear, his intoxicating breath on my neck. "I've been dreaming of this moment with you."

"Me too, Jake." I smile, my eyes almost welling up with tears. YES! YES! YES! My dream is coming true.

His ripened lips are on mine again, and his fingers languidly move up my thighs under the fabric of my dress. Thank God, I wore a dress, I tell myself, and clean underwear. Thank God, I shaved my legs earlier today! I hurriedly reach between his arms to unbutton and unzip his jeans. As I unhook the button, he suddenly pulls away.

"Wait a minute, Jess." Jake's breath is deep and uneven, his lips red from the severe contact with mine. "I think we might be rushing things just a bit."

I close my legs, pulling my dress back over my knees, disappointed. "Maybe, you're right. I'm sorry." I sigh, placing my elbows on my knees and running my hands through my hair.

"Don't be sorry." He takes my hands into his. "_I_ should be the one apologizing. I enjoyed myself a little bit too much, I think." Jake smirks and shakes his head as if trying to fight the urge to lunge at me again.

_Don't apologize, Jake. Make love to me. NOW!_ I shake away my thoughts as well and pull his palms up to my lips.

"How long have you felt this way about me?" Jake asks as I gently kiss his hands.

My cheeks immediately flush, and I embarrassingly answer, "About a year, maybe."

"Why didn't you just say something?" He pulls me to him again. "I would have asked you out."

"Why didn't you anyway?" I say, and he starts to kiss me, openmouthed, not holding anything back. Then, he stops and confesses, "Because I'm an idiot." He exaggeratedly rolls his eyes and smiles.

I laugh, parting my knees and inviting him between them again. His arms urgently bring my body closer to his, and I'm about to explode with desire as our lips meet again.

"Anybody home?" My dad's voice calls from the front door, causing my eyes to open in alarm. I hear his car keys jangling in his grip as the wooden door slams shut.

Jake speedily pushes away from me, buttoning his jeans, and I hop off the counter, my heart pounding in my chest. I frantically adjust my dress, wipe his taste from my lips with the back of my hand, and comb my fingers through my straight, black tresses. Then, I immediately begin to cut Jake a piece of cake as a diversion.

"Hey, Jake!" My mom happily exclaims, entering the kitchen. "What are you doing here?"

"He wanted some dessert." I fight back my urge to chuckle, almost unsuccessfully. The sides of my mouth turn up slightly as I hand him the small plate of cake. Jake is holding in his fit of laughter as well, pressing his lips into a hard line and taking the saucer from my hands.

"Okay, well." My mom looks at me and then at him, her expression perplexed. My dad's footsteps are already on the stairs. "Don't stay up too late. We've got to work the market tomorrow, Jessica honey."

"I know. Goodnight, Mom." I tell her as she turns to trot up the stairs.

"Goodnight, Mrs. Burnside." Jake politely responds, smiling at me from ear to ear.

"Call me Melissa, Jake. I've told you a thousand times." And with that, she is gone.

"Whoa, that was close." Jake whispers, blowing air forcefully from his mouth. He carefully slides the saucer of cake back onto the counter. "Is your heart beating as fast as mine?"

"Possibly, but I bet mine's beating faster. It was _my_ parents." I smile at him, blushing profusely.

"Maybe, we should call it a night." He elaborately sighs, disappointed as much as I am.

"Ok." I reluctantly agree, and he begins to head toward the front door. After pulling open the door, he suddenly spins around and grabs my face again, kissing me one last time dead on the lips. This kiss is urgent, one of nothing but pure longing.

"Goodnight." Jake whispers right into my mouth as he pulls away. Then, he retrieves his jacket and disappears into the darkness of the night.

I close the door behind him and press my body weakly against the door. I am left in a daze, my soul thrilling at the night's events. I can't believe it happened. Jake wants me. His lips, his hands, his body—they all felt so right, so warm, so sexy. They couldn't all possibly belong to a fifteen-year-old boy.

I slowly slide down the surface of the door, falling to the carpeted floor and putting my head between my knees. I giddily laugh to myself, and I can't wait to see him again. Damn, I can't wait to tell Steph!

**Attn: Thanks everyone for your awesome reviews! Please leave me some lovin'. :D**


	9. Chapter 9

**Jacob Have I Loved**

**Chapter 9**

The next morning, on the way to the market in the car with my mom, I decide not to tell Stephenie just yet about the previous night's make-out session with Jake. Letting her in on my love life might complicate things a little for Jake and I, and I'm not quite sure if he wants the whole world to know about our relationship right now.

Nevertheless, I can't keep my salivating lips from grinning throughout the entire car ride to the La Push market. The lasting memory of his beautiful lips pressed against mine sends shivers down my spine. I can't get over the fact that Jake has returned the feelings I have felt for him for over a year now. It fills my heart with utter excitement and exhilaration.

"Earth to Jessica!" My mom stirs me from my memories of last night, and my body responsively jumps. Unbeknownst to me, we have now arrived at the market. "Sorry, honey, but these boxes aren't going to move themselves!"

I roll my eyes at her and reluctantly exit the car. Helping her carry the boxes of hand-woven baskets and hats toward our rental booth, I can't help but wonder what Jake is doing right at this very moment. In some selfish, masochistic way, I hope he's thinking about me, of what might have transpired if my parents hadn't arrived home early from their date. My thoughtful mind almost bursts at the notion of feeling the warmth of his naked body against mine. The new, overwhelming sensation of making love to him on the countertop in the kitchen. The beautiful, sweet moment we become one body under the dim fluorescent light above. The tender touch of his kiss on my breasts. The feel of his hands against my brown skin as we give ourselves willingly to each other . . .

"Jessica, are you okay?" My mom's hands are on my forehead, then on my burning cheeks, searching possibly for the heat of a fever. "You feel warm. You're not coming down with something are you?"

"No, Mom." I forcibly shoo her hands away and tighten my grip on the box of hats, placing it gently on the table inside our booth. "I'm perfectly fine." Just a little distracted.

As I aid my mother in unpacking the hats and baskets, my mind begins to wander away from me again, and I find myself falling more and more irrevocably in love with Jacob Black . . .

The unusually warm day at the market goes fairly uneventful. After packing back up the boxes (we only managed to sell about three baskets total that day and they were all purchased by Sue Clearwater, Leah's mom), my mom and I turn to pace back toward our waiting sedan.

"Jess!" I'd recognize that husky voice anywhere. My lips form a wide grin, and I turn my body only to see Jake running toward us, his eyes dancing in the soft twilight. He stops abruptly when he reaches our car. "Hi, Mrs. Burnside—I mean, Melissa. Let me help you with that." He takes the heavy box from my mom's hands and places it in the trunk. "Um, Melissa, would you mind if Jess and I walk down to First Beach?"

Jake's gorgeous smile is about to make my thrumming heart leap out of my chest. He flirtingly winks at me and then fixes his eyes back on my mother, who is now wearing a bewildered expression.

"Sure, that's fine with me." She sighs as she slams the trunk closed. "But Jessica, please be home before seven. You've still got homework to do."

"I know, Mom. I promise." I'm about to jump up and down in anticipation of being with Jake alone once again. My mom plops down in the driver's seat and starts the ignition, kicking up the dirt in front of us as she heads toward home.

"Come on, Jess. Let's go." Jake places his warm palm into mine, and we begin to walk the few miles it takes to get down to First Beach from the market.

We mostly walk in silence as we did the night before. Jake swings my arm gently, and the ocean's breeze tickles the skin under my ears. I could get used to the feeling of his hand in mine, his eyes gazing adoringly at me. I could easily picture myself in a flowing, white wedding dress, his gold band on my left ring finger, my body plump with his child. I close my eyes to readily savor this moment of newfound love with Jake. I hope it will last forever.

As we reach the stretch of First Beach, the sun is almost setting beyond the horizon. I notice several fearless surfers are out in the water, and the tide is rolling in, gently kissing the gray sand with its cool waters.

"You wanna sit down." Jake points to a driftwood log about two yards away, and I immediately take a seat down on its right side. He positions himself beside me, draping his right arm about my shoulders. He sighs and seems almost restless. "Jess . . . I was wondering . . ."

"Yes?" I quizzically study his beautiful face. His expression is hard to read, and my heartbeat rapidly throbs. I hope he's not going to break it off with me. My throat exaggeratedly gulps.

"If you would, you know, be my . . . girlfriend." Now, I know why he appears nervous. YES! I grab his free hand and bring it slowly up to my lips, whispering, "Yes, Jake. I would like that." I kiss the tips of his fingers, fighting to control my gleeful delight at his proposition.

Catching his breath, Jake closes his eyes, and I bring his palm up to my face. He cups my cheek with his hand and leans his head toward me, never opening his eyes. Our lips meet, sweetly, tenderly, lovingly. I in turn cup my hands around his head and pull him closer, and he moves his hands to the base of my back, still pressing his lips to mine. After several minutes of lip lock, I grab his right hand and proceed to glide it up to my left breast under my jacket. When his hand finally reaches its destination, he firmly takes hold of it, and I break free from his lips, thrilling at the sensation of his touch. He caresses it gently, and then travels up under my shirt and my bra to press his hands against my bare skin.

My brown eyes roll back into my head, and I remove my hands from around his neck and unbutton and unzip his pants. Cautiously, I scan the beach for any onlookers, but not one single soul can be seen. Then, I gaze back into his beautiful eyes, which are now full of eagerness and longing, and shove my right hand down into his jeans. The freezing touch of my fingers makes him flinch slightly, but then he returns to fondling my breasts as I stroke him delicately against the backdrop of the setting sun.

"Jess?" Jake drops his hands from under my shirt, his mouth gasping for breath. "Let's take this somewhere a little more private."

"Ok." I instantaneously stand up, adjusting my bra. If that's what it takes; I want him with every fiber of my being. I don't care where we are. We could do it right here for all I care. "Where did you have in mind?"

"There's a small cave under that ledge over there." He gestures his arms over to the towering cliffs about a hundred yards away. Smiling, I anxiously nod my head in agreement as Jake buttons and zips back up his jeans. He then rises and takes hold of my hand, and we race toward the cave like two little school children on their way out to recess.

_**Ok, the next 2 chapters are very MATURE! They're the ones you've been waiting for! Stay tuned! RAWRRR!**_


	10. Chapter 10

**Jacob Have I Loved**

**_Disclaimer: This is a fan FICTION. I do not in any way condone teenage sex._ **

**Chapter 10**

As we enter the shelter of the hollow cave, Jake's body comes to a halt, pulling me to him with both brawny arms. He fiercely kisses me and runs his hands affectionately through my straight tresses. I hurriedly force his blue, flannel jacket from his shoulders, tossing it heftily to the sandy ground. In return, Jake does the same with mine, bearing down on my mouth with his urgent lips when he is finished. His strong fingers tug my T-shirt over my head, and then I jerk his body back to mine, grabbing him by the waist of his jeans.

Wrapping his arms around my back, he clumsily fumbles with the clasp of my bra, but then is successful and pulls it from my chest. His gaping eyes stare at the sight of my bare breasts, and my cheeks instantly flush when his eyebrows lift in obvious admiration. Jake draws me back to him, cradling me in his arms and laying me softly on the damp sand beneath us. The ground is quite frigid, but I barely notice; Jake is about to make love to me—it could be fifty degrees below zero, and I wouldn't even flinch.

Flinging his shirt off his chest, Jake's fingers unbutton and unzip my jeans. He kisses me lightly on the bellybutton, tickling me with his breath. My heart is pounding like a drum inside my chest, but I'm not nervous or afraid; it is beating in anticipation. I want this with all my body and soul.

After guiding my jeans along with my panties and my mules off my body, he hastily removes his pants and boxers as well. He is now kneeling in front of me, his gorgeous, brown skin glistening in the soft twilight, which is now trickling into the cave from the outside. I've seen him without a shirt dozens of times, but completely nude is something entirely different. As I rise up on my elbows to get a better view of him, my eyes move down his body to his hardened member. I can't help but blush an even deeper shade of crimson. It is even larger than I could have imagined. I can't wait to feel it inside me.

"Jess . . ." Jake is now on top of me, his eyes peering deeply into mine. His long, black hair flows down into my face, prickling my flushed cheeks. I instantly pull his locks back to reveal his full face, and he leans down to press his lips to mine. Suddenly, he stops just before impact and admits, "I've never done this before."

"It's okay, Jake." I gladly assure him, stroking his back with my fingers. Now, I'm nervous. Of course, he's a virgin. We are _both_ virgins. This will be a new experience for both of us. "I haven't either."

A satisfied smile overwhelms his face, and he chuckles. "You're a virgin, really?"

"Does that surprise you?" I smirk at him, wondering why he would even think that I wasn't in the first place.

"No." Jake ardently pushes his lips to mine, the warmth of his body completely taking over all my senses. Then, he ends our kiss. "I'm glad though. I _want_ to be your first."

"And I want to be yours." My soul thrills at the sound of his words. I've never wanted anything more in my life.

"But you're going to have to help me through this." He frowns, almost shyly. Our inexperience is making him uncomfortable, which is making me uncomfortable as well. But we want this, so I try to stay calm for the both of us.

"Just take it slow. Do what comes naturally." I force my mouth to his, biting down on his bottom lip. He reacts with a groan, obviously aroused by my little love bite, and squeezes my breasts with his ferocious palms.

I reach down and take him into my hands, unlocking my legs to invite him between them. Pressing him gently to my now-moist opening, I can feel Jake's body tense. But then, he shoves himself with all of his might into me. We both cry out in a wail that could only be described as a mixture of both pain and pleasure.

Jake's eyes gaze into mine; my being is pulsating with the feeling of him inside me. The pain is minimal. I'm sure it will ease off as our time together goes on. I close my eyes as his lips return to mine, and Jake begins to thrust himself slowly in and out of me. It still hurts, and my face winces in response.

"Oh, my God, this feels awesome!" Jake exclaims as he makes love to me. "Wow, Jess . . ." His tongue is gliding over my nipples now, making me even more wet and ultimately alleviating the pain between my legs.

"Oh, Jake." I speak in whispers through my uneven, broken breath. It begins to feel amazing; my body surges with sheer pleasure. I forcefully grab his ass, pressing him deeper into me. Oh, God, this is best feeling ever; I'm utterly overwhelmed by the sensation between my legs. My whole body is a livewire—I can feel it everywhere.

"Yes, Jake, yes!" I bite down on his shoulder, trying to distract myself from the rapturous state I am in. Then, without thinking, I grasp his shoulders with all of my strength and roll over on top of him. I need to be in control here. Realizing that he is still inside me, I instantly begin to rock back and forth, my body gushing with extreme pleasure.

"Oh, Jess, oh, yes!" Jake hungrily bites my thumbs as I place my hands to steady myself on the sides of his head. I lean down to place my lips to his, and he lustfully glides his tongue across them. He then parts his lips and says, "Damn, you're good!"

His confession makes me laugh, which in turn makes me ride him harder. Oh, God, this is mind-blowing! Oh, my God! Is this really happening? Am I dreaming? No, I can't possibly be dreaming; this feels too awesome!

All of a sudden, a current of extreme pleasure is intensely building between my legs. Oh, God, I think I'm having an orgasm. Of course, I'm having an orgasm. This is Jake under me. I speed up my pace, gripping his shoulders with all my might. "Oh, God, Jake! I think I'm cuming."

"I think . . . I . . . am . . . too." Jake struggles to say. He grabs my butt, pulling himself deeper inside me if that is even possible.

"Oh, YES! YES! YES! OH, MY GOD, JAKE!" I scream at the top of my lungs as the feeling comes to a climax, my rolling eyes are lost somewhere in my head. It rushes throughout my body, all the way to the tips of my toes, which instantly curl in response. I continue to ride him until I feel my heart beat all the way into my ears. It leaves me completely intoxicated—not to mention, a little exhausted.

Jake's body then jerks under me, and I feel him constricting inside me. "FUCK, YES! JESSICA!" I can feel him cuming inside me before I can roll off him, but I try to relax. I've been on the pill since I was thirteen.

He rises up, kissing me passionately, slipping his tongue desirously into my mouth. Then, Jake collapses onto the sand, still inside me, breathless and drenched in sweat. I press my body against his, smiling from ear to ear in total satisfaction.

I kiss his bare, perspiring chest, delighting in the fact that I've just made love to the man I love. Nothing or nobody can take that away from me.

**Attn: Oh, I wish my first time would have been like that! DAMN! Jake gets a little freaky next! :D  
**


	11. Chapter 11

**Jacob Have I Loved**

**Chapter 11**

"I didn't hurt you, did I?" Jake finally speaks after several minutes of holding me in his arms against his naked chest. Our uneven breathing has now returned to normal, and I feel so overwhelmingly give-out.

"No, Jake. It hurt a little at first, but then . . ." I weakly rise up and plant a tender kiss on his lips. He pulls me closer to him, returning my kiss and making me want him again. I have to distract myself. I force myself to break free from his lips. "How did it feel for you?"

"Amazing." Jake sums up exactly how it felt for me as well in one, solitary word. "I never imagined it would be that good."

"Really?" I laugh, pushing my hair out of my face, so that I can gaze into his beautiful eyes.

"Yeah. I can't believe I'm not a virgin anymore." His brown cheeks turn a severe tone of red. "It's all so surreal."

"I know. It feels strange." Well, not really. I'm completely pacified and elated to have made love to him tonight. It was the best experience of my life. "What do you think Quil would have to say about this new development?"

"He would definitely kill me for losing my virginity before he did." Jake's laughter vibrates against my bare breasts, causing me to chuckle as well. "Especially to an older woman!"

His little joke makes me feel a little uneasy. "You mean . . ."

"Yeah, he puts on a good act, but Embry and I both know he's never even kissed a girl before." Jake rolls over on top of me, laughing uncontrollably and taking my face into his palms. "But seriously, Jess, that was the best thing I've ever done. And I don't regret it."

His breath on my neck is intoxicating me once again, and I feel the exhilarating warmth of his hands as they move languidly down to my breasts. "Do you wanna, you know, do it again?" He smiles and then gently caresses my breasts with his long fingers.

"Yes, please." I whisper softly into his ear. He's left me breathless. _I want to fuck you all night, Jake_. I think quietly to myself.

Jake raises his body, running his hands down from my breasts to my waist. "Don't move. Let me do this, ok?" Suddenly, he massages my moistened, tingling clit and then slips his right middle finger inside me, immediately making me writhe in pleasure.

"Oh, Jake. Yes. Oh, God." I am moaning with the touch of his finger inside me. As I enjoy his foreplay, my mind starts to wander. How does he do this so well? He must be watching too much porn with Quil and Embry. I hurriedly shake away my perverse thoughts, and then I feel the returning sensation as it begins to slowly build between my legs again.

"Push all the way inside, Jake." I am hardly able to instruct him, but he hears me and thus obliges. The feeling is now paramount. Wow, orgasms are da bomb! "YES! YES! YES!" I forcibly shout between my clenched teeth, pinning his hand with my legs. My now bent knees straighten, and I force the trapped air from my lungs. "Oh, God." I relax.

"That was good, huh?" Jake smirks at me, pulling his finger out and climbing on top of me again. He kisses me openmouthed, forcing his tongue into my mouth.

"You know what would feel even better, Jake?" I ask him when he moves his lips to my chest. I almost feel like a dominatrix with what I'm about to say. I'm almost scared to say it, but I want him inside me again SO damn bad.

"What?" He searchingly peers into my eyes.

I hesitate to say the words, but then I clear my throat and just go for it. "If you would fuck me like an animal."

Jake bursts into a fit of laughter, making me cup my hands over my face in embarrassment. "Where is Jessica Burnside, and what have you done with her?"

Then, he suddenly stops laughing, pulling my hands away from my hot cheeks, and asks, "You're serious, aren't you?"

"I don't know." I shrug my shoulders, staring up at the roof of the cave. "It was just an idea."

"No, I'll try it if that's what you want." Jake sighs and rolls me over onto my stomach, coming onto his knees. Oh, God, he's actually going to do it! YES! "Bend over."

He _has_ been watching too much porn with those dirty little boys! But I don't care; any experience is good experience as far as I'm concerned. I rise up on all fours, and I can feel Jake press his hardened member against my ass.

"Guide me in." Jake's husky voice directs me. Reaching in between my legs, I take hold of him and press him to the mouth of wetness.

"Ok, push in." I tell him, and he slowly urges his way into me. OMFG, this is heaven! Before I even know what is happening, he is pounding me harder than he did while we were flat against the ground. It is more than I can take, and I grasp the sandy carpet below, digging my fingers into the moistened dirt. The pleasure is so intense that my head drops to the sand, and my arms begin to buckle from under me. I moan loudly and then realize that I'm almost screaming.

"Damn, Jess!" Jake calls to me from behind as he hammers deeper inside me. "I want to do this all night!"

I satisfyingly grin, obviously proud of myself for suggesting it. I rise up and wrap my hands around the base of his neck, letting his lips taste my neck and my shoulders. My hair falls down in front of my face, my eyes rolling to the back of my head. Damn, this is fucking amazing!

Bracing himself with one hand firmly on my ass, Jake reaches the other up to my neck and pushes me back down into a crouched position.

"Let me fuck you." Jake's quivering voice makes the area between my legs pulsate, and he begins to thrust forcefully against my bottom once more. Oh, God, I don't want it to end—it feels so damn good!

"Damn, Jess!" He slaps my ass, causing me my whole body to jump in reflex. Is this the same boy I grew up with? It makes me chuckle to see him like this, but I like it. It turns me on even more.

"FUCK, JESSICA! OH--" He shoves himself into me even harder. "MY--" He's almost there. "GOD!" He explodes, pressing himself with all his strength into me. Jake then pulls out of me, and I land on my stomach to the sand beneath us.

"Man, that was awesome." Jake covers me with his nude body, pushing aside the hair from my neck. I can feel the rapid beating of his heart against my back as he whispers into my exposed ear, "Jess, I love you." He kisses my shoulder.

Those four words are the words I've been longing most to hear. Despite my exhausted state, I roll over, looking straight into his Quileute eyes. "I love you, too, Jake." My eyes well up with happy tears, and he smiles at me with his perfectly white teeth. Then, our lips meet again with nothing but pure bliss.


	12. Chapter 12

**Jacob Have I Loved**

**Chapter 12**

On the way home from First Beach, I can't help but smile from ear to ear. Jake is driving me home in the black Ford he has obviously borrowed from someone. I roll down the passenger side window, letting the cool, crisp breeze gently kiss my reddened cheeks. I take in a deep breath to relish in the fact that I've just given myself to Jake, someone who makes my whole heart beam with happiness each time I am with him.

Glancing over at my beloved in the driver's seat, I now notice that an ample grin adorns his beautiful face. Jake laughs quietly to himself and then peers fleetingly in my direction. His eyes adoringly smile at me, causing my heart to swell with never-ending contentment. He dotingly reaches over and takes my left hand into his right. Our fingers instantly lock together, and he brings my hand up to his lips to give it a small kiss. A stream of extreme elation rushes from my fingers all the way to my feet; I can easily picture myself with him for the rest of my life. Just call me "Mrs. Jacob Black" from now on.

"Technically, I'm not supposed to be driving without my dad with me." Jake breaks the silence, his hand still knotted with mine. "I only have a permit."

"I think you'll be fine. I won't tell." I tighten my grasp of his hand, enjoying the feel of his skin on mine. "Where did Billy get this car from anyway?"

"From Harry Clearwater. We sold Bella's dad, Charlie, our old truck." Jake grunts, gazing steadily at the road before him. Bella—oh, God, he still remembers her! DAMN!

"Oh, it's a nice ride." I confess, shifting slightly in my seat. Damn, I've got sand in my ass, and it's growing very uncomfortable. I attempt to adjust my panties without him noticing, struggling unsuccessfully with the seatbelt.

"I saw her today, by the way, with _him_." Jake's words cut me deep, making me disregard the plight with my underwear. I can't believe he's thinking about her. But I try to calm down. He's just slept with me. Twice. He's mine now. I don a wicked grin, cackling within the chambers of my mind. I won, bi-atch!

"By _him_, you mean Edward Cullen?" I speak the words from behind my smile, happily pondering the notion that Bella has a boyfriend despite my pure hatred for her. And a sexy one at that.

"Yeah." It's his only response. He seems sad in a way, but then peers back at me with a broad grin. For a brief moment, I almost consider the notion that he might be using me. That he might be using me to compensate for his unreturned affection for her.

Suddenly, my cell phone starts to buzz in my jean pocket. I forget my insecurities and retrieve the phone from my jeans.

"It's Steph." I inform Jake, glancing at the tiny screen. "Wonder what she wants."

"I can only guess." His expression transforms into a smirk, and he titters as if he is still thinking about our blissful moments in the cave.

I flip open the phone, pressing it to my right ear. "Hey, Steph."

"WOMAN! Where have you been?" Uh-oh! She's pissed at me. "I've tried calling you like all day!"

"Sorry, Steph, I was helping my mom at the market today." My revelation is not the entire truth, but it should pacify her for now.

"Oh, sorry. I forgot about that." Steph's voice has lowered in intensity, and I realize that we are now only a few houses down from mine. "So, what happened, you know, with Jake last night? Did you enjoy your walk home?"

"Yes, I did. Thank you." I teasingly tell her as Jake pulls the car over to the curb and shifts the gear into park.

"DETAILS! NOW!" She shouts into the phone; I can almost feel her breath emanating from the earpiece.

I glance over at Jake, who is now unhooking his seatbelt and looking at me hungrily. Oh, God, I seriously want to pounce him again, but I've got to get rid of Steph. "Nothing happened."

"What the . . . you mean, nothing at all?" As Steph's shocked words enter my ear, I feel the warmth of Jake's lips on my neck. I start to breathe deeply, almost winded.

"Uh . . . no." Damn! I try to sound disappointed, but I'm so distracted. His lips now brush the skin along my collarbone, leaving me completely lightheaded.

"You're so beautiful." Jake's whisper tickles my left ear. "Every part of you tastes so good."

I struggle to catch my breath as my lips form wide smile. Attempting to control the urges pouring through my body, I faintly hear Steph's reply: "I'm sorry, Jess. He must really like that Bella girl."

"Yeah, he's really hung up on _her_ alright." I barely manage to say as Jake's left hand moves slowly up my inner thigh, setting ablaze the fire in between my legs. _Stop_, I motion with my mouth at Jake, but he doesn't see me. In response, I slap his hand away. This only causes him to sneer at me, and he relentlessly returns his hand to my thigh.

"I want you. NOW!" He speaks aloud. It must thrill him to be doing this while I'm on the phone with Steph. That sadistic little freak! I must have unleashed the beast in him. It kind of excites me, too, in a way.

"Where are you, Jess? You're not at Quil's are you?" Steph seems alarmed.

"Oh, God, no! You know me better than that!" I scream at her into the phone. "I'm, um, watching TV!" I can hardly think as Jake's tongue traces my collarbone. Goose bumps responsively rush over my entire body, igniting me further with desire.

"Whew, thank God. Oh, guess what happened with Embry?" Her elated voice can only make me wonder. "I got to second base with him in the car!"

I smile, almost smirking, and close my eyes. _Well, Steph, I slid all the way into home with Jake today. Actually, I hit two homers, baby!_ I fiendishly chuckle out loud, my chest beaming with pride. "That's wonderful, Steph. Congratulations." Jake's hands are now on my breasts, and I'm about to explode with a hunger to feel him inside me again. It's almost maddening.

"Thanks." She replies, sighing. "Well, you know, Embry said the guys are thinking about having a big bonfire down on the beach this Friday . . ."

"Yes." I'm not answering Steph; I'm responding to Jake as he pinches my hardening nipples underneath my bra.

"I might, you know, ask him to walk down the beach, and . . . do you think I should bring protect--"

"Look, Steph, I'm sorry, but I have to go. My mom's calling me!" I rudely interrupt her, snapping my phone shut and throwing it haphazardly to the floor of the cab.

Lunging at Jake, I grab the back of his neck and urgently bring my lips to his. Jake vigorously kisses me back, pulling me to him with both brawny arms.

He then stops briefly to suggest, "Let's go to my house. My dad's at Harry's, so we'll have the place to ourselves."

_No, let's go right here. In the backseat._ I want him right here, right now. I don't care who's watching. But then, I realize. It's almost seven, and I promised my mom I would be home by then. My wide smile falters to a frown.

"I can't Jake. My mom's expecting me, and I still have homework to do." DAMN IT ALL TO HELL!

A clear look of disappointment flashes across his beautiful face. "Oh, yeah, right. Sorry." He pulls away from me. I instantly feel the emptiness taking me over. "Call me later."

"Definitely." I lean over and plant one last kiss on his lips. Damn, I want him! I have to force myself not to reach my hand over and shove it down his pants.

As I begin to exit the passenger door, Jake grasps my left hand as if he doesn't want to let it go. "I don't want you to go."

"I don't want to go either." The expression on his face makes me feel like I've broken his heart. "But you don't want me to be grounded, do you?"

"No, definitely not." Jake looks down to the tan, leather seat and then peers longingly back up at me. "Come to my house after school tomorrow. Please. My dad won't be there."

"Ok, I will." I give him a lasting smile, retrieving my phone from the floor and shutting the door behind me, as I leave the warmth of the cab. As he pulls away from the curb, we both exchange parting waves. My heart throbs with happiness that I was with him today, but also with sadness now that he's gone.

I hurriedly jog the last few yards to my house, running straight for the front door. Once inside the house, I call to my mother, who I know is waiting in the kitchen, as I fly up the single flight of stairs. "Mom, I'm taking a shower!"

I don't even listen for her reply as I enter my butterfly-themed bathroom and rip my clothes from my body. Immediately turning on the shower, I step into the tub and pull back the curtains to shut out the world.

As the heat from the water streams its way over my body, I close my eyes and press my right middle finger in between my legs. I'm a little sore from the two rounds of lovemaking in the cave, but I'm in need of an immediate release. Beginning to pleasure myself, I vividly fantasize that Jake is now joining me in the shower.

**Attn: In case you haven't realized, this is the same Sunday that Bella plays baseball with the Cullens and James's pursuit begins. The day before was everyone's favorite meadow scene between Bella & Edward. I guess, Jake & Jess had their own blissful "cave scene." LMAO! Please review and thanks for reading. :D**


	13. Chapter 13

**Jacob Have I Loved**

**Chapter 13**

"You seem awfully happy about something." Stephenie snickers at me as we ride the bus to the Quileute Tribal School the following cloudy morning.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Steph." I attempt to get her off my back, but she persistently badgers me.

"Something happened this weekend that you're not telling me." Steph huffs and firmly crosses her arms over her chest, determined not to take "no" for an answer. "Tell me, now."

Shit! Should I tell her? I'm not sure what her reaction might be. On one hand, I think she'll be happy for me. On the other, like Jake said about Quil, I think she'll be pissed I lost my virginity before she did. Wait a minute—_is_ she a virgin? You know, I don't ever recall her confirming that one little detail regarding her love life. Surely, she's not.

"Well, um . . ." I struggle to get the words out, but I finally decide to tell her. Taking a deep breath, I cup my right hand over her ear and whisper, "I slept with Jake."

"YOU WHAT?" Steph's voice rises in surprise, and she forcefully slaps my right knee. She is utterly stunned by my revelation; her face reads nothing but shock. "You little slut! When?"

"Shhh, keep your voice down. I don't want to start talk." My heart is speeding like a freight train in my chest. Word travels fast on the reservation. Maybe, I just made the biggest mistake of my life by letting her in on my little secret.

"Alright. Was it Saturday night or . . ." She whispers, her eyes full of wonder.

"It was last night actually. Right before you called me." I notice that Steph's face is full of elation at my confession. I was right with my first assumption. She is overjoyed and happy for me.

"Were you nervous? Did it hurt? Was he good? He used a condom, right?" Her interrogating questions keep rolling rapidly off her tongue all the way to school. My favorite reaction of hers goes a little something like this, "You did it _twice_—and doggy style? HOLY CRAP!"

As we exit the bus onto the sidewalk of the tribal school, Steph drapes her arm about my shoulders, professing, "You are my hero, Jessica Burnside. I will follow you anywhere."

Her words make me blush slightly, and then my mind totally forgets my best friend—my beloved Jacob Black is now coming toward us. The mere sight of him literally takes my breath away. His beautiful, black hair is down, complete with a navy skullcap. His eyes are dancing with mine as he saunters closer to Steph and me, the familiar shadows of his two best friends rightfully in tow. Embry immediately rushes to Steph's side, and she gives him a quick peck on the left cheek as she elbows me in the ribs.

"Hey, Steph." Jake greets my friend and then turns to me. "Good morning, Jess." His right eye affectionately winks at me as he speaks, taking my left hand into his right. "Did you finish all that Algebra homework you had last night?"

Instantaneously, Embry and Quil give each other a look, both bursting out in laughter, which makes me a little uneasy. Oh, God, he must have told them. URGH! I could kill Jake for this. I instantly give him the evil eye.

"Um, Jess, I was wondering if you give private lessons." Quil is trying to be serious, but his tremorring shoulders are giving him away. His comment completely befuddles me. Jake looks as if he is about to rip Quil a new one, vehemently motioning his hand under his neck in an attempt to silence him.

"You need help with your homework, Quil?" I attempt to get to the point of his question, almost dreading what he might say next.

"No." He now fixes his eyes on Jake, clearing his throat, a smile widening on his face. "I mean, I would like some riding lessons, too."

DAMN YOU, JAKE! I forcibly tug Jake over to the side by the hood of his flannel jacket, fuming with ever-growing rage. I can't believe he betrayed me like this. "YOU TOLD THEM!"

"Jess, I'm sorry." Jake puts his hands over his face, shaking his head exasperatedly. "Embry told us about getting to second base with Steph, and I wanted, well, I wanted to show him up."

"Damn it, Jake! Do you know how embarrassing this is for me? Our friends think I'm a whore now!" The mounting anger is boiling in my blood. I could choke him for this.

"They would never think that." He cups his hands under my chin, looking into my eyes. He brings his lips to mine and kisses them lightly. "I'm so sorry."

"Forget it, Jake. It's over!" I furiously remove his palms from my face, irately stamping my feet across the front lawn of the school, passed the looming totem pole toward my Algebra class. I don't even bother to turn around to observe his reaction.

As I enter the warmth of the school's front doors, my heart sinks like a lump inside my chest. Shit, I just broke up with him! What have I done? I just got him, now this! This isn't what I want. I just need some time to cool down. Anyway, I'm not going over to his house today. He's going to have to wait a pretty long while before I give him any more action. I can't believe he told his horny, little friends about our lovemaking. They'll _never_ let me live this down . . .

**********************************

_Boom_. _Boom_. Peering out the living room window later that day after school, I notice that Jake is frantically pounding on my front door. I hesitate to answer it. I'm not quite sure if I can forgive him for what he has done. I unwaveringly ignored him all day at school; he followed me like a lost puppy almost the entire day between classes.

After a few minutes, the knocks get even louder and more impatient. I finally give in, leaving my Biology homework unfinished on the sofa and sauntering languidly over to the wooden door. As I disclose the door, Jake rushes me, kissing me dead on the lips and wrapping his arms promptly around my waist, his bookbag still hanging from his shoulder. I try unsuccessfully to hold myself back, but . . . DAMN! Why does he have to be such a good kisser?

He suddenly pulls away. "Jess, please don't break up with me. I love you, and I'm sorry."

I look down, but then peer back up at him, smirking. "You had me at first knock."

Jake's frown flips up into his beautiful smile, and he brings his lips back to mine, letting his bookbag drop to the floor. The fire is ignited, and my body begins to incessantly crave the warmth of his naked body pressed against mine. "You know, Jake, my parents won't be home from work for another few hours." At my subtle proposal, his black-haired eyebrows lift in ultimate approval.

I know, I know. I promised earlier in the day that I wouldn't give him any for awhile, but . . .

I begin to unbutton Jake's long sleeve shirt and yank it off his body. He hurriedly scrambles to remove his shoes and jeans, and I robustly pull him by the arm over to the sofa in my parents' living room. I heartily push him down to the comfort of the plush sofa into a seated position, throwing my Biology book to the carpeted floor.

I sexily strip off my shirt like an exotic dancer before him. Then, I teasingly unhook my bra, turning around so that he can't see me topless. I bend over in front of him to remove my jeans and panties and then spin around to let him admire my body. This excites him more than I could have ever imagined, and the second he sees that I am nude, he grasps my ass and pulls me back to him. I climb on top of him, straddling and kissing him passionately. Our tongues dance perfectly in sync as Jake brings his palms to my breasts.

"Wait a minute, Jake. I want to try something." I tell him. He looks at my eyes as if he is searching for what I might do next. I roll off him to his left side and draw his boxers to the side, taking his cock into my hands. I dawdle for a few fleeting seconds, but then take him into my mouth, all the way into my mouth.

"Oh, God, Jess. Yes, oh, yes." Jake begins to moan as I glide my tongue along his length and then circle it around his tip. "Suck it, baby."

He places his hands on either side of my head, forcing himself downward to the back of my throat. I then flex the muscles of my mouth, still using my tongue to intensify the pleasure as I move up and down. After a few minutes of foreplay, I'm ready to feel him inside me. I practically rip off his boxers as I pull them heftily from his legs.

Mounting him and placing my bent knees on either side of him, I take his hardened cock and press it all the way inside me. OH, MY GOD! It is even better than I remember. I press my lips back to his, and he grabs my ass, pushing himself as deep into me as he can get. Deciding to just go for it, I fasten my grip on the back of the sofa with both hands and begin to ride him, feeling the increasing wetness building between my legs. HOLY SHIT! This is my favorite position so far. I feel so in control—not to mention, so damn sexy.

"Fuck me, Jess. Fuck me hard." His dirty talk makes me move up and down more forcefully, and I then begin to twirl him inside me, circling my hips on top of his. IT FEELS SO . . . HOT DAMN! The familiar tingling is starting to surmount as I thrust him all the way into me. The pleasure of my orgasm slowly builds to a peak, and I rapidly rub my clit against his body to strengthen the intensity. "Jake, yes, oh, yes! YES! YES! YES!"

As I cum all around him, he takes my breasts into his mouth, running his tongue powerfully around my nipples, hardening them in the process. The moist feeling of his tongue boosts the effectiveness of my orgasm, making me scream at the top of my lungs. "JAKE!"

Jake peers up at me, a pleased smirk on his face. "Jess . . . you feel _so_ amazing." He closes his eyes, kissing me longingly on the lips and then taking a short break to take a deep breath. I run my fingers up his chest and bring them to his face. Then, I grasp his hair in my palms as he speaks, "Make me cum."

"Yes, sir." I laugh, returning my lips to his and raising my body up on my knees slightly. As I begin to move him in and out of me, his face pinches together, and he groans in intense satisfaction. The feeling of him inside me is so intoxicatingly incredible; I want to make love to him all afternoon.

I strain my eyes amongst my pleasure to stay open, so that I can watch his face as he reaches his climax. I can tell he is almost there; he impatiently seizes my butt with both hands, clutching me close to his body. Jake's bottom lip begins to tremble, and I can feel him twitching inside me. All of a sudden, he raises me up and lays me anxiously down on the couch, forcing himself down on me. He then drives himself back into me to finish himself off, pounding me with all his might. Oh, God, he is so fucking good at this!

"Hell, yes, Jess! Damn, I love you!" He exclaims as he releases into me. "YES! Oh, my God!" His fatigued body crumples on top of me, his lips kissing me sweetly on the chest. He rests his head in between my breasts, and in return I plant a soft kiss on top of his hair, clasping my hands around his shoulders.

"How was _that_ for a riding lesson?" Jake says in jest as his breathing begins to return to normal, chuckling faintly.

"How did I do?" I jokingly retort, tracing the length of his back with my fingers.

He raises his body, taking my head into his palms, smiling, "You're _definitely_ getting an A."

**Attn: As I said before, I do NOT condone teenage sex, especially unprotected sex. If the "riding lessons" joke sounds familiar to you, it was mentioned in **_**New Moon**_** on p. 140 when Bella comes to talk to Jacob about the bikes. Please review! Thanks. :D**


	14. Chapter 14

**Jacob Have I Loved**

**Chapter 14**

Over the next few days, Jake and I find ourselves barely able to keep our hands off each other. We have been mating like wild rabbits, taking part in three additional lovemaking sessions during the course of the week. Twice in Jake's bed after Billy went to sleep, and once in the backseat of Harry Clearwater's Ford. During our little backseat romp, I forcefully gripped the handle on the passenger side door so hard that I broke off. Oops! You should have seen the look on Jake's face as he tried to explain the situation to Billy—his cheeks were all flushed and he spoke in broken words. But I think Billy bought the little white lie that Quil was the one responsible for the damage. Anything to get him back for asking me to give him "riding lessons" earlier in the week.

Also, I have realized that Jake is getting bigger—Quil, Embry, and Jared, too. Weird. They must have recently hit a growth spurt or something; Jake used to be at eye level with me. Now, he towers over me at just over six feet. It baffles me, but I guess that's just part of becoming a man. And that's not the only thing growing . . .

It is now Friday evening. The boys—Jake, Quil, Embry, and Jared—are having a bonfire on First Beach tonight. I can't wait to spend those romantic moments with Jake under the twinkling stars. And maybe, just maybe, we can steal away to our cave and share another blissful moment together.

"Hey, Jess, get in!" Stephenie cheerfully exclaims from the opened driver's side window as she pulls her mother's Toyota to the curb outside my house.

"Thanks, Steph, for picking me up." I enter the car, greeting her with a quick peck on the right cheek. "Billy found out Jake was driving without an adult in the car, so he's on restriction from driving."

"Aw, that sucks." Steph pulls the car onto the road and makes a disgusted face. "Well, at least he's not grounded. You'd be on your own tonight!"

"I highly doubt that—Quil would try to get fresh with me all night!" I lightly chuckle, almost feeling the nausea begin in my stomach, and check my makeup in the mirror on the sun visor. "Now that he knows I put out!"

"Well, actually, he's bringing a date!" Steph confesses, almost swerving the car off the road.

"What? He actually found someone to take his sorry ass out? Poor girl." I flip the sun visor up and shoot a shocked glare at Steph.

"Yep! Maybe we should pull her aside when we get there and warn her. I'm not sure she knows how 'hands-on' Quil can be." Steph jokingly retorts, and we share a fleeting moment of amusement. Then, Steph's face becomes serious, "Um . . . Jess, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, anything, babe." I tenderly peer over at my best friend, wondering what she could possibly want to know.

"Well, I think I might go all the way with Embry tonight." Steph shyly looks ahead, never taking her eyes off the road in front of us. "Can you like give me some suggestions or . . ."

"Like what to do?" I can't believe it! Steph is asking me for sex advice. I thought I would never see the day.

"Yeah, you know . . ." She gives me a fading smile as if she is embarrassed, and her cheeks immediately turn a severe shade of red.

I clear my throat and take a deep breath, searching my brain for just the right words to say to her. Steph is my best friend; I want her first time to be just as beautiful as mine. "Just relax, and do what comes naturally. Let him do the work and just enjoy it. Then, it should get better the next time."

"Thanks, Jess." Steph places her right hand on my left knee and pats it softly in gratitude. "I'm so nervous—I might throw up!"

"Well, don't do that. It might be a turn off!" I say in jest, placing my hand on top of hers.

We drive the rest of the way to the beach in silence. As we near the mile-long stretch of beach, Steph parks the car, and I now see the rising smoke from the bonfire off in the distance. The sun is just coming to rest over the horizon, and the sky is painted with purple and orange hues that blend together perfectly. The sight is quite exquisite. The air is unseasonably warm, and I remove my green army jacket, relishing in the cool, crisp twilight breeze as we exit the car. Nearing the bonfire, I can discern the darkened shapes of five figures huddled around the fire. Another familiar figure is hurriedly pacing its way toward Steph and me. It is Jake.

I smile and joyfully run to meet him halfway. When I reach him, he scoops me up into his arms, spinning me around in utter jubilation. I notice that his biceps are angrily bulging from beneath the sleeves of his T-shirt, and it takes all I have within me not to rip the shirt from his body at that moment.

"I missed you." Jake's words are like water to my soul. He kisses me sweetly on the lips and then returns my feet to the sand.

"Me, too, Jake." Every minute I am away from him feels like an eternity. Jake takes my hand in his as we walk toward the bonfire.

"You two are nauseating!" Steph rolls her eyes at us, hurrying over to meet Embry, who is now coming toward our trio.

"Jealous much?" Jake smiles at me and winks, the warmth of his palm in mine overpowering me.

As we near the bonfire, Quil immediately leaps to his feet. "Hiya, Jess, this is my date, Lindz." He is obviously proud of his recent conquest, pointing to a girl seated on the sand beside him. She is so breathtakingly beautiful; her long, brown hair cascades down her back, and her figure is thin, but flawless. I am in complete awe of her beauty and her porcelain, white skin. "Lindz, this is Jessica."

"It's nice to meet you, Lindz." I offer her my right hand, and she shakes it, never leaving the sandy carpet at my feet. I can't believe Quil could get a girl like this; she is way too good for him.

"You, too, Jessica." Lindz timidly replies and then turns to the girl seated beside her. "This is my friend, Julie." This new girl is just as stunning as Lindz. I assume she is supposed to be Jared's date, but I don't press the issue. I have other things on my mind besides making friends.

"Nice to meet you both." I focus my attention now on Jake, who is now helping Jared poke the bonfire to keep it burning. "Hey, Jake, you wanna go for a walk?"

Jake instantly drops his wooden poker and heads over to me, taking my hand.

"OOO-OOO-OOO." Embry and Jared call after us as we begin our stroll northward on the beach, cackling with laughter.

"Have fun on your 'walk'!" Embry adds, forming quotation marks with his hands to emphasize the last word.

"Those guys are my best friends, but they can be such a pain sometimes." Jake exasperatedly runs his hands through his black hair, looking passed me to James Island off in the distance.

"Well, I'm not the one who told him about our little tryst in the cave, now am I?" I smile at him, elbowing him in the ribs with the arm attached to his. "You jerk!"

"I guess I deserved that one." He returns my smile, grasping my hand even tighter. We casually walk along the beach, swinging arms and enjoying the gentle breeze for a few silent minutes. And then, Jake asks, "Hey, have you heard about Bella?"

DAMN! Why does he always bring her up? What is with this little obsession he has with her? I need to seriously choke the life out of that bitch! "Um, no, what happened? Is she okay?" Like I care.

"She supposedly ran away back to Arizona. Dad said she fell down some stairs at a hotel there and broke her leg or something like that." He huffs, looking down at the sand. "Dad seems to think Edward Cullen was involved somehow. He was with her when it happened."

"Oh, that's awful!" SERVES HER RIGHT! I wish she had broken more than her leg—like maybe her neck. Then, Jake would forget about her. Maybe, she'll stay down there in that hellhole and never come back!

"Yeah, her dad's royally pissed." Jake abruptly stops, grabbing my face with both palms and looking longingly into my eyes. His brown eyes are twinkling in the light from the setting sun, and butterflies are beginning to flutter in my stomach. "But forget about her."

_I already have, Jake._

Jake takes me into his arms, grasping my body firmly to his own. I fiercely press my lips to his, feeling the overpowering rush of desire flow throughout my entire being. Jake then slips his tongue into my mouth, and without thinking, I begin to suck it gently. My sudden action makes Jake moan in response, causing his mouth to vibrate against mine. He breaks away from my lips and confesses, shaking his head. "Jess, the things I want to do to you right now . . ."

"What's stopping you?" I flirtingly peer up at him, batting my eyes. Before he can even answer, I reach down and begin to pet my favorite part of him on top of his jeans.

"Let me think." He speaks among his gasps for air as I stroke him under the stars. "Um . . . nothing."

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" I remove my hand from the bulge in his pants and clasp them lovingly around his neck. He doesn't even need to respond; his satisfied smirk tells his reaction all too clearly. We know each other so well now—inside _and_ out. Jake takes my arms from around his shoulders, and we begin to pace the sand toward our secret hideaway.

**Attn: The phrase "mating like rabbits" is very fitting for these two. LOL Please review!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Jacob Have I Loved**

**Chapter 15**

"Fuckity, fuck, FUCK!" A shrieking male voice disrupts Jake and me from our journey to the cave.

Still hand in hand, Jake and I spin around only to observe Quil jumping up and down in front of the bonfire and holding his right hand in obvious pain. Jake peers over at me, a worried expression on his face. He immediately breaks free from my grasp and speeds over to meet his best friend off in the distance. Rolling my eyes, I take off after Jake and begin to feel extreme disappointment that my moment with him has to be cut so short.

"What happened?" Jake isn't even winded when he reaches the bonfire, placing a hand on Quil's back. Quil is now on his knees, still gripping his wrist and yelling obscenities into the night air. His right hand is a deep shade of red, and I understand why he is in so much pain.

"He burned himself in the fire!" The new girl, Lindz, crouches down beside Quil. "We need to get him to a hospital!"

"That was a brilliant maneuver!" Jake laughs off his friend's idiocy and winks at me. He then helps Quil off the sand to a standing position. "Let's get him to your car, Jared."

"Ok, come on, Quil." Jared assists Jake in carrying our injured friend to his blue Oldsmobile up on the landing. Steph, Lindz, Julie, Embry, and I follow behind them.

When we arrive at our vehicles, Embry opens the passenger side door of Jared's car. Jake and Jared carefully place Quil into the seat and fasten his seatbelt.

"Ow, shit! It hurts like a mother, guys." Poor Quil. He has always acted so tough and strong. Now, he is crying like a baby. It almost makes me chuckle to see him like this. I feel so horrible though for laughing when my dear friend is hurt.

"The closest hospital is in Forks." Julie reminds all of us as Jake closes the door to the car.

"Right." Steph agrees, nodding her head. "Hey, why don't you and Lindz ride with Jared and Quil? Jake, Embry, and Jess can ride with me."

"Sounds good." Jake drapes his arms about my shoulders, giving them a light squeeze. Then, he knocks on the passenger side window of Jared's car. "We'll get you fixed up in no time, Quil."

Our little gang then splits up into separate vehicles, and we begin to hurriedly pound the pavement to the hospital in Forks. Jake and I are seated in the rear of Steph's Toyota, while Embry takes shotgun beside Steph in the front seat.

Suddenly, Jake leans over and whispers in my right ear, "Sorry about this. I know you're disappointed."

"No, it's okay. This is more important anyway. I hope Quil is going to be all right." Yes, I am disappointed—majorly disappointed. I was about to make love to Jake again, and Quil had to go and ruin in by sticking his hand too close to the damn fire. He can be such an idiot sometimes. I sure hope Lindz knows what she's in for.

Jake only smiles at me, taking my right hand into his left, and looks ahead through the windshield at Jared's Oldsmobile in front of us.

Within fifteen minutes, we pull into the small Forks hospital's parking lot. This time, Embry helps Jared with hoisting Quil out the car and down the sidewalk to the emergency room. Once inside the double doors, I notice that there are only two other people in the waiting room. My mouth instantly forms a smile. I secretly hope that we can get in and get out if you know what I mean.

Embry and Jared rest Quil in one of the waiting room chairs, and Lindz follows suit and takes the seat beside him. I now look over at Jake, who is responsibly informing the attending nurse about Quil and his burn. She hands him a clipboard, and I hear her say something about a five to ten minute wait. Excellent, I exclaim quietly to myself. At least, the night isn't going to be totally ruined.

"I have to fill these out for you, Quil." Jake announces as he takes a seat on the opposite side of our friend. "How do you spell your last name again?"

"Um, ow! A-T-E--" Quil begins, not even opening his eyes, and I know he is in so much pain right now. It really does make me sad to see him like this.

"I'll fill it out if you don't mind, Jacob." Lindz reaches across Quil's seat, graciously taking the clipboard from Jake's hands. "It might help me get to know him better." She laughs. I like this girl so much already.

"Don't mind at all, Lindz." Jake smirks at me, standing up and making his way over to me.

Just as I am about to embrace my beloved Jacob, a tall, blond doctor enters from the double doors to our left. The sight of him is almost breathtaking. He is extremely gorgeous with a pale complexion and deep circles under his eyes. From where I am positioned, he looks almost like a blond Tom Cruise—you know, like in _Interview with the Vampire_. I then realize that this must be the infamous Dr. Carlisle Cullen. Damn! Those Cullen men sure have got it going on.

"Dr. Fang." Embry speaks, coughing to muffle his voice. Vampires—how ridiculous is that? It is just one of the many rumors about the Cullen family circulating on the reservation. Of course, it is only a rumor; there are no vampires in Forks or the world for that matter. Better yet, why would a vampire become a doctor with all that blood around anyway? It is just some scary story Jake told me once. Jake even said that our tribe descended from wolves, like we're supposed to be werewolves or something like that. Absolutely absurd.

As if he overhears Embry's little joke, Dr. Cullen peers fleetingly in our direction and then turns to his nurse. Our entire group's attention is now fixated on the doctor across the room in utter fascination—possibly, even hatred for all I know. He is extremely fascinating to me at least.

"Mr. Ateara." Dr. Cullen startles us collectively from our trance. "I'm Dr. Cullen. It's nice to meet you. I knew your family." He then glances over at Jake, who is staring intently at the linoleum floor. Jake seems a little restless, almost shivering. What's up with him? He can't possibly believe all those stupid vampire rumors. Or even if he does, maybe he's secretly hoping they aren't true.

"Is there another doctor, sir?" Embry butts into the conversation. Since when did he grow a pair? Embry has always been so shy. Steph must be rubbing off on him just a bit.

"I'm sorry. It's just me tonight. You'll have to excuse me though. I'm a little jet-lagged." Dr. Cullen attempts to help Quil up from his seat, but Quil immediately winces. Damn those stinking prejudices! "Well, follow me, Mr. Ateara. We need to have a look at that nasty burn of yours." The blond doctor turns, and Quil stands up, reluctantly following him into the emergency room.

When Dr. Cullen and Quil are out of sight, I hear the faint sound of exhaling from the male members of our group. It is as if the tension has been cut with a knife and then dissipated into thin air.

"What was all _that_ about?" Steph looks around the room, questionably. She is just as confused as I am about what just took place.

"It's nothing." Jake runs his hands through his black hair, turning to face me once again. "Jess, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure, Jake." My mood does a complete one-eighty, and my broad smile returns to my face. "Do you mind if I get a drink from the machine first?"

"I'll get it for you." Jake digs into his jeans pocket and retrieves a dollar bill, then taking my hand to lead me over to the drink machine. "What do you want?"

"Mountain Dew, of course." I reply.

"Of course." He smiles, attempting to get the machine to take his worn bill. "Darn this thing!" After about three tries, the machine finally accepts his dollar and dispenses a cold Mountain Dew below. Jake claims it from the machine and hands it to me.

"Thanks, Jake." I smile at him, popping open the soda and taking a large gulp.

"Sure, sure." Jake takes my free hand. "Now, can we go somewhere and talk?"

"Ok." My heart immediately plummets to my feet. Something's up. I can tell by the expression on his face. And it doesn't appear to be good. DAMN IT!

Jake pulls me outside the entrance way to the emergency room. The crisp air has now turned to almost frigid. I cross my arms over my chest to invite the comfort of warmth.

"Jess, do you love me?" Jake inquires, looking off at the parking lot.

"Yes, Jake, why do you even have to ask? You know I do." I embrace him from behind and kiss him on the shoulder. The feel of him in my arms instantaneously warms me, and I no longer feel the cold. It doesn't last long though; he pulls my arms from around his waist and turns around to face me.

"Jess, I feel like all we do now is---IT." His comment makes my heart beat wildly in my chest. "Not that I don't like it. I love making love to you. It's just—we never really talk any more. I miss it."

He's right. Damn! Why does he always have to be right? "I miss it, too, Jake."

"And I'm worried that you'll get pregnant—not that I don't want kids. I just don't want them right now." Jake's eyes tell me without speaking a word that his words are genuine. How lucky am I to have him as a boyfriend?

"I understand, Jake. Believe me. I don't want it either." I twirl the can of soda around in my palm with the opposite hand, pondering the notion of becoming a mother at sixteen. No, I definitely do not want that. Jake doesn't know that I'm on the pill, but still I understand where he is coming from.

"Why don't we just, you know, go out to the movies or something? Like a real date?" Jake offers, taking me into his arms. I look up at him and notice that it is now raining.

"Sure, sure." My use of his familiar reply makes him laugh, and he leans down, kissing me softly on the lips. It is so romantic to kiss him in the rain; I almost swoon from the exhilaration surging throughout my body.

"Jacob!" We both embarrassingly pull away from each other, drenched in raindrops, only to observe Mr. and Mrs. Ateara, Quil's parents, coming toward us. As they near us, Quil's dad continues, "Oh, hi, Jessica. Where's Quil? Is he okay?"

"He's fine. Dr. Cullen is checking him out right now." Jake answers, and the look on Mr. Ateara's face tells it all; he is just as superstitious as the rest of these lunatics. Mrs. Ateara offers me her umbrella as we follow our men into the warmth of the waiting room.

"Quil!" Mrs. Ateara calls as she closes her umbrella, running over to meet Quil, who is now reentering the waiting area. Dr. Cullen is rightfully in tow.

"Um, Dr. Cullen, thanks. Um, nice to see you again." Quil's dad nervously greets the doctor as Quil embraces his mother.

"Yes, it's been awhile, Mr. Ateara." Dr. Cullen kindly offers his hand to Mr. Ateara, but he doesn't take it. Shaking the rude rejection off, the doctor offers his diagnosis, "Well, your son is going to be just fine. His burns are only first degree. I find it kind of strange though."

Jake and I share an awkward glance at the last comment.

"What do you mean?" Quil's mom asks, appearing just as baffled as we are.

"Well, it looks like the burn is a day old, not just under an hour old. It's healing quite well already. Usually, burns of this type are more severe."

"Hmph." Mr. Ateara doesn't seem amused by the doctor's assumptions.

Dr. Cullen huffs and looks over at Jake and me. "Well, he should be fine. I've bandaged him up quite well, and he can take aspirin for the pain if necessary. I would like to see him again in a couple of days."

"That won't be necessary, Dr. Cullen, but thank you." Quil's dad is obviously annoyed and even a little intimidated. He turns without even giving Dr. Cullen a second glance. Prejudices are so lame. He then grabs his son by the good arm and tugs him toward the exit. "Let's get on home now, Quil."

"Goodnight, guys! Call you tomorrow, Lindz!" Quil exasperatedly calls as his parents practically tote him through the double doors. Within seconds, our friend is gone.

"That was interesting to say the least." Julie tells her friend, Lindz. "I guess you didn't expect a trip to the emergency room on your first date."

Lindz doesn't answer verbally; instead, she just slaps Julie roughly on her back to silence her. The remaining seven of us venture out through the exit and toward our waiting vehicles, trudging through the downpour and dodging the puddles now forming on the pavement.

Once inside the shelter of Steph's car, Jake says in jest, "Quil, must have superpowers to heal so fast like that."

"Either that or he's turning into the wolf man." I retort, and Jake winks at me.

As she cranks the car to carry Embry, Jake, and I off toward La Push, Steph adds to our little exchange, "In that case, I hope Lindz carries silver bullets."

**Attn: Please review! Thanks for reading.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Jacob Have I Loved**

**Chapter 16**

Two weeks have passed since that night at the bonfire and our little adventure to Forks. Quil's burn has completely healed, and he and Lindz have "officially" become an item. However, since Lindz (and Julie) lives in Forks, the two of them can't see each other every day like Jake and I can. Jared and Julie hit it off as well, and they have also been seeing each other any chance they can get.

Quil has done nothing over the past few days, but talk about how beautiful, sweet, and um, sexy Lindz is. Jake, Steph, the remainder of our friends, and I have all mastered the art of rolling our eyes whenever Quil brings up his lovelife. But I'm glad he's found someone other than me to obsess over. It brings a joyful, but devious, smile to my face. Happy because he's not eyeing my boobs anymore; devious because I can already see the future imprint of Lindz's hand on his left cheek. But I will digress for now.

Jake and I have not had sex since that night in Harry Clearwater's black Ford, the night I broke the handle off the door in the throws of passion. We've been talking on the phone every night like old friends—about music, school, how boring La Push is, and, most importantly to Jake, cars. He's hoping he can earn the necessary money needed to buy a few more parts for his Volkswagen Rabbit, so that he'll be able to take me out for a "spin." I'm thinking more of a "joyride" myself, one that ends in Jake and I christening his new ride in the backseat with a lover's tryst.

Jake has not even mentioned the notion of sex since we talked outside the hospital that Friday night. We've held hands, hugged, and even kissed when we've said goodbye to each other at school. But sex—nothing of the sort. I'm beginning to feel as if I am the man in the relationship. Isn't it supposed to be the guy who wants it all the time? It's funny how the tables can turn so quickly on you.

Well, it's a Friday night again, and Jake has promised to take me to the movies—an official date. Well, actually, I'm taking him in Harry's car. I am the one with the license, and Jake is still on restriction from driving. Since the closest theater is in Port Angeles, we set out about a hour and a half early, so that we can buy popcorn or Twizzlers before the movie starts. All the way to the theater, my mind is clouded by thoughts of how much I want to make love to Jake. The desire is almost consuming me body and soul. Despite Jake's attempts to make small talk with me in the car, I still can't seem to keep up with the conversation. I can sense Jake is getting frustrated with me.

"Are you okay, Jess?" Jake's eyes are wide in concern. "You've barely talked to me the whole time we've been driving."

"I'm sorry, Jake." I search my brain for a good lie to get him off my back. "I'm worried about my Algebra test today. I think I failed it." I frown, trying to muster up some fake tears. I'm unsuccessful though and a bad actress at that.

"I'm sure you made an A. You always do." Jake takes my hand into his, and I'm about to burst at the notion of his fingers doing more than holding my hand, like pressing between my legs . . .

"Jess! You just passed the theater!" Jake calls, waking me from my fantasy, and I immediately press the brake. Luckily, no one is behind me or their front bumper would be in Harry's trunk right about now. "Man, Jess, your driving sucks."

I decide to go along with his repartee, "Thanks for noticing. At least I have a license, young one."

Jake flashes me his pearly-white grin, causing me almost to forget that the car is at a standstill in the middle of traffic. A blaring horn jolts me from my trance, and I bear down on the accelerator, searching for a place to make a U-turn. The force from my sudden action causes Jake's head to fling back into the headrest of his seat.

"I need to get my license--and quick." Jake laughs, grasping the back of his head. I try to ignore his smart remark as I begin to turn the car around in a fast food restaurant's parking lot.

When we finally reach the theater, Jake asks if we can see the newly-released horror movie. It's one of those slasher films that started in the nineties and is now on its seventh sequel. Predictable and pointless, of course. The choice is totally up to me, he says. But I plan on getting some action later tonight—if you know what I mean—so I go along with his suggestion. My agreement to see the horror film seems to send him over the moon. I just hope all the blood and guts doesn't make me puke right in front of him. I don't want vomit breath when I attempt to seduce him later.

Jake purchases the tickets, lying about his age of course since the movie is rated R. He does in fact look older than me now like he's seventeen or even eighteen. He's so damn fine to look at; it almost hurts. I watch him with the female attendant at the concession stand as he buys us popcorn and drinks. He doesn't even seem to notice how pretty she is; he just glances back over at me and winks, leaving me smitten with the tickets held firmly in my palm. Despite my over-powering lust for his body, I truly and deeply love him with all my heart.

Once inside theater Number 2, we take our seats close to the front. I love sitting close to the screen, but I'm not sure that is such a good idea since we are seeing a slasher movie. Therefore, I suggest to Jake that we move back a few rows, and he reluctantly, but then willingly, agrees. At least I'm letting him see the movie he wanted, he tells me.

As the movie starts, a large, burly man with tattoos covering both exposed arms positions himself a few seats down from us. He has multiple piercings in his left ear, and he is completely bald. As if he notices me noticing him, he peers over at me, giving me the once over glance. A broad grin forms on his face, and I can feel butterflies begin to flutter in my stomach. His apparent approval of my attire and my bare legs is now making me uncomfortable. Damn, I wish I hadn't worn this dress! I was only trying to make Jake want me. Now from the looks of it, it seems someone else wants me instead. Just my lucky day!

Looking away, I grab Jake's right hand and grip it tightly in an attempt to inform my admirer that I'm taken. I return my attention to him, and he is still staring at me with a wild hunger in his eyes. Jake is so busy munching on his popcorn, his eyes fixated on the silver screen, to even realize that someone is showing a fondness for his girlfriend.

My admirer then puckers his lips and motions his hands to his crotch as if he is inviting me to give him a blow job. I almost want to storm over there and kick his ass. But then on second thought, he is about twice my size and possibly much stronger than me. I wouldn't stand a chance.

Trying to block out his vulgar advances, I return my focus to the brainless eye candy on the screen and secretly hope I can make it through the movie without vomiting all over myself. It might be a better option than to see my admirer make any more sexual gestures with his hands at me.

When the credits finally roll and the lights go up, I nervously look over, and my admirer is now gone.

"Well, that was a complete waste of fifteen bucks. They can't decapitate the killer. Of course he's gonna come back in the next one as a spirit in someone's body. Don't they ever learn . . . what's wrong, Jess?" Jake stops his critique of the movie, noticing the worried look on my face.

"It's nothing. It's just the guy that was sitting at the end of the row was watching me the whole time. It made me feel a little uneasy." I confess to Jake, grabbing the popcorn tub from the theater floor.

"Why didn't you say something to me? We would've moved." Jake pulls me into his arms, and his beautiful eyes search the theater for possible suspects. "Where is he now? I feel like giving him a piece of my mind."

"No, Jake, he's gone now. Let's just forget about it. He's probably already on his Harley on his way to the strip club." I make an effort to make Jake laugh, relishing in the fact that he would protect me and stand up for me if the opportunity presented itself. It makes me want him even more.

My plan works, and Jake chuckles, retrieving our soda cups and taking my free hand as we walk out the theater into the lobby. After tossing our trash into the receptacles and exiting the theater's main entrance, Jake and I walk hand-in-hand toward Harry's black Ford. The air is rather chilly, and I break free from Jake's hand to rub my arms in an attempt to get warm. Jake chivalrously removes his flannel jacket and drapes it about my shoulders like a true gentleman. If he only knew the plans I have in store for him when we get back to my house. My mom is with my dad on a weekend getaway in Seattle, so we'll have the whole place, and I mean the whole place, to ourselves. I smile at the very notion.

As we near the car, I hear the noise of footsteps coming up behind us. Jake and I both spin around only to observe the familiar face of my admirer pacing his way toward us in the dark of the night. The parking lot seems to have been deserted all of a sudden; we are the only three souls standing on the wet pavement.

"Hey, there, girly! Would you like to come home with me tonight?" My admirer seems a little intoxicated for his speech is slurred. He stumbles slightly after making his request, making me shiver at the thought of even thinking about going with him.

"No, sir. I'm sorry, but the girl is with me. We don't want any trouble, so if you please, we'll be going now!" Jake then opens the driver's side door for me. "Get in, Jess, now!"

I follow Jake's command, hoping with all my heart and soul that my admirer won't hurt me or Jake for that matter. The butterflies have returned to my stomach, and I feel as if I'm about to hurl all over Harry's steering wheel.

"I said the girl's coming with me!" My admirer stammers out the words, staggering over to Jake's position beside the opened car door. "Now, we can do this the easy way or the hard way! Your choice, kid!"

The man now grabs Jake by the throat, and Jake's hands immediately fasten around his attacker's wrists. He then throws Jake up against the car beside us, knocking the wind out of him and then releasing him to the pavement below.

"JAKE! OH, GOD, JAKE!" I cry out as Jake slumps to the ground apparently unconscious. "What did you do, you motherfucker?" I now exit the car and beat my fists against my admirer's chest with all my might in hysterics, causing Jake's jacket to fall carelessly to the pavement. I could kill this man for what he just did to Jake. I would gladly go to jail for it.

"Calm down, sweetcheeks." My admirer grips my arms around my wrists and pulls me to him in one forceful movement. His cold, callous, liquor-laced breath whispers lustfully into my left ear, "I saw the way you were looking at me in the theater. You want a man, not some little kid. I've got eight full inches for you right here, baby!" He then presses his pelvis up against my thighs, making me cringe at the thought of him forcing himself on me.

"I'm no kid, sir!" Jake stands up right behind my admirer. The man turns around, unlocking his grip on my arms, and Jake punches him right in the jaw. The attacker screams out in agonizing pain, clutching his mouth as it begins to ooze blood. "Is that man enough for you, cocksucker, or do you need more proof?" Jake punches him again in the stomach and then again on the back.

"Shit, man, that hurt!" My former admirer falls to the mercy of the wet pavement, and Jake yells at me as he reaches down to grab his jacket, "Get in the car, now! We have to go!"

I obey Jake's orders, jumping back into the driver's seat and fumbling with my keys to start the engine. Jake slams the passenger side door shut after climbing into his seat as well. Putting the Ford in reverse, I hurriedly back out the parking space and begin to steer our way back to the reservation.

"Is your hand okay?" I ask when Jake clasps his injured right hand with his left.

"It's fine." Jake bravely shakes off the pain. I know better though.

"We need to get some ice on it, Jake."

"Ok, but let's wait until we get back to your house. I don't want to risk being here when the cops come." Jake grabs my right hand, completely filling me with an overwhelming sense of safety and gratitude.

When we arrive back at my house, I park the car, and Jake follows me into the warmth of the place I call home. I've never been happier to be home in my life.

"Let's get some ice on that hand." I saunter into the kitchen, retrieving a Ziploc bag from the cupboard and filling it with ice from the freezer. Jake is now leaning against the kitchen sink, his injured hand positioned in his good one. I walk over to him, placing the bag of ice on top of his swollen hand.

After a few seconds of silence, I tell my savior, "Thanks, Jake."

"Nah, it was nothing. I'd take another ten thousand shots for you. You are the world to me." Jake peers down at me lovingly, his eyes dancing me with mine. He has me enraptured in his spell once again. His words fully melt me. "Jess . . ." Jake takes me into his arms, pressing his lips aggressively to mine. I taste the sweet, inebriating urgency on his lips, and I hear the small thud of the bag of ice as it lands forgotten on the linoleum floor.

Jake then lifts me up, not even seeming to care about his hurt hand, turns, and sits me on top the counter beside the sink. I part my knees, and he places his body in between my legs. My fantasy of making love to him in the kitchen is about to become a reality. It is something I have been craving over the past few weeks—more than anything.

I reach down, still kissing him passionately, and unfasten the button on his jeans. After I unzip them, Jake reaches under the fabric of my dress and pulls off my panties violently in one swift movement. He tosses them beside us on the counter.

"I brought something this time." Jake retrieves something from his jeans pocket and holds it up for me to see. A condom. Like a good boy scout, Jake has come prepared. "I hoped this would happen tonight."

I chuckle and grab the condom from his hands, and he smirks at me as I open it right before his eyes. Jake then pulls down his jeans along with his boxers. I take his cock into my hands and carefully spread the condom down on him. I'm glad I paid attention in Sex Ed. Jake flinches slightly at the coldness of the ice still on my hands. When it is fully on, Jake impulsively seizes me back to him, pushing himself forcibly inside me. Oh, God, I have missed that! DAMN! HOLY SHIT, IT FEELS SO MUCH BIGGER!

As Jake begins to make love to me on the counter in the kitchen, he says, "That motherfucker wishes he was me right now!"

His comment make a smile widen on my face, and Jake pounds me hard against the counter. It's been so long since I've felt him inside me. I don't want it to ever end.

I wrap my legs around Jake's waist and lean back as he runs his tongue along my chest and pulls the straps of my dress and bra down to expose my breasts. He takes the right one into his mouth, circling his tongue several times about my nipple. I feel my wetness growing all around him, and before I know it, I hear myself ordering him, "Harder, Jake. Fuck me harder!" He obliges, almost slamming his knees against the bottom cabinets. "HARDER!" Jake closes his eyes, and his mouth forms a Cheshire grin. He likes this. He's eating it up.

Without warning, Jake presses his palms against my butt and hoists me into his arms, my legs still clutched around his waist. He carefully lays me down on the floor, my favorite part of him motionless inside me, and begins to hammer me again, hiking my right leg up on his shoulder. DAMN! The sensations I am now feeling are overwhelming, and I grip his shoulders with all my might, moaning louder and louder with every movement.

"Jess, it's been too long, way too long!" Jake is about to explode; I can sense it.

"Cum for me, Jake. Cum for me, baby." I whisper into his right ear and then trace it lustfully with my tongue. My dirty talk causes my own release to start to build, and I find myself gasping for air. As I reach my climax, my torso lifts off the makeshift bed a little, and, after only a few fleeting seconds, Jake and I both collapse, drenched in sweat, to the tiled floor.

"Um, sorry about that." Jake's voice is muffled by the mixture of both my hair and his now covering his face. "I don't know what came over me."

"It's too late to apologize, Jake." I tell him with a content smirk. "It's too late."

**Attn: Yes, the last line came from the One Republic song. If you haven't seen Taylor Lautner's rendition of this song, Youtube it. It's pretty cute!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Jacob Have I Loved**

**Chapter 17**

Shit! I think I might be pregnant. It has been almost five weeks since Jake and I first made love in our cave on First Beach, and now I'm four days late. For the past few days, I've been waking up with extreme nausea, almost not making it to the bathroom in time the first day. I've been shying away from Steph and all of my other friends, not wanting them to know about the tiny secret possibly growing within me. I know I should tell someone, but I'm not sure how they would react, especially my parents. They would be so disappointed in me not only for having sex before marriage, but also for being so careless and foolish for doing it without a condom. I can see my dad now as he chases Jake out the house and into the woods, his shotgun firmly cocked and loaded in his grasp, firing at will.

Oh, my God. Jake. He had told me a few weeks ago that night Quil went to the hospital that he didn't want kids right now. To know that I was pregnant would crush him. His dreams of opening his own auto repair shop would completely be dashed to bits. I cry almost inconsolably at the very thought of revealing my secret to him. I know Jake would do the right thing—he would do everything he could to support his child.

Somewhere in the pit of my stomach, I feel that this is all my fault. If I hadn't practically thrown myself at Jake, we wouldn't be in this hell of a situation. He wanted to take things slow in the beginning, and I kept pushing the boundaries. Damn! If only I could turn back time and slap some sense into myself. I only wanted to show him how much I loved him and needed him. Instead, I forced an uncertain future on us that neither of us desired to have in the first place.

Pondering these thoughts on a lonely Saturday night, I lie on my bed and stare up at the ceiling, tears streaming down my face. Jake is supposed to call me when he gets home from Quil's house. Quil has a big date tonight with Lindz tonight. He's going with Lindz to her prom in Forks. How Quil ever got a junior in high school is beyond me, especially someone as beautiful as Lindz. The boys at Forks High School must all be taken. Either that or they have been beaten with the ugly stick.

Earlier in the day, I made an appointment with the free clinic in Port Angeles for a pregnancy test on Monday. I want Jake to go with me, so I will have to tell him in the next two days. The very thought of telling him makes me nauseous even more.

The sound of my cell phone ringing on my nightstand startles me from my worries, and I immediately leap off the bed and take it into my palms. It's Jake. I close my eyes, pressing the button on my cell phone to answer his call.

"Hey, Jake." The nervousness is taking me over, and my hands begin to shake.

"Jess, I've got a favor to ask you." Jake's voice sounds a little annoyed.

"What?" I ask, wondering what he could be up to.

"You know Quil is going to Lindz's prom in Forks." He pauses, and I hear him take a deep breath. Then, he continues, "Dad wants me to go with him."

I'm so confused now. Why would Billy want him to go to the prom in Forks? "What for, Jake?"

"He wants me to talk to Bella." SHIT! Not her again. Is Jake Billy's messenger boy? Why can't he just talk to her himself? He _is_ her father's best friend after all. "Jess . . . are you there?"

"Yes, I'm here, Jake. Why does he want _you_ to talk to her?" I'm getting a little exasperated myself, my hands forming into fists.

"He said he'd give me twenty bucks if I did—you know to get the master cylinder for my Rabbit." Jake's words trail off as if he is a little embarrassed to tell me that he is being bribed.

"I still don't understand why Billy would want you to go." My words sound almost cold. I hope I just didn't offend him. My mind searches for a good reason why Billy would want Jake to go to Bella's prom—unless he wants Jake and Bella to hook up. The very notion sends a fiery rage to my eyes.

"It's about Edward . . . Jess, do you have a nice dress—you know like one you could wear to the prom? I would like you to come with me." His last sentence makes my whole face light up with elation. He doesn't want to go without me.

"Sure, Jake. I'll borrow my dad's truck. Be there about nine. Is that okay?"

"Great. Thanks, Jess, I'll owe you one." Jake hangs up the phone before I can tell him that I love him. My heart sinks instantly into my chest. I vow to tell him after the prom about the baby when all this Bella nonsense is over.

* * *

Putting my father's old pickup truck in park, I notice Jake slowly coming down the driveway that leads to his house. In the beam of the headlights, I can see his long, black tresses slicked back into a neat ponytail. He is wearing a white, button-down shirt complete with the same tie he wore to the dance last month and pressed black trousers. I have to grip the steering wheel to get a hold of myself. The sight of him nearly takes the very breath from me. He looks even more gorgeous than I could have ever imagined.

"Hey, Jess." Jake opens the passenger side door and enters the cab, giving me a soft peck on the right cheek. "Wow, you look absolutely beautiful." His brown eyes admire my pink bridesmaid dress, the one I wore in my cousin's wedding last year. I never thought I would ever get to wear it again.

"Thanks, Jake." I blush slightly, putting the car in reverse and backing out the driveway onto the street.

We finally reach Forks High School, and I pull my dad's truck around to the side of the gym, where the prom is being held. As we exit the car, Jake takes my hand, and I now spy Quil and Lindz waiting for us near the entrance.

"Hey, Jake, Jess." Quil calls to us and waves, running up to greet us. "Um, Jess, you look . . ."

"Very pretty." Lindz finishes his sentence, sauntering toward me and giving me a small hug. "I'm so glad you came, Jess."

"Thanks, Lindz. It's good to see you again." A part of me wishes Lindz lived on the reservation. I have a good feeling that we could become such great friends. She looks absolutely stunning in her teal-blue dress and her brown hair tied up in a bun.

"Well, what are we waiting for? Let's get this party started!" Quil puts his arm around Lindz, and she rolls her eyes at me. Looks like she's getting to know the true Quil—the one we all love, but despise at the same time.

Jake and I follow our friends into the gym, which is fairly small much to my dismay. The decorations are somewhat old-fashioned, but appropriate for the small town of Forks. As I notice the decorations, Jake suddenly releases my hand.

"I'm going to go find Bella and get this over with. OK?" He smiles at me, disappearing into the crowd of dancing teenagers.

"OK." I answer him even though he is already gone.

As Quil and Lindz start dancing to the slow song, I walk around the perimeter of the dance floor, searching for Jake. Several wondering pairs of eyes glare at me possibly because I am a Quileute and none of my kind attend their school. I suddenly feel a little out of place, almost ashamed of my brown skin, but I try not to let their prejudices bother me.

Suddenly, the most luscious scent catches my full attention. It is intoxicating me with every breath. I freeze where I am, and then I feel the scent's pull. It is as if it is luring me closer to it. Involuntarily, I saunter closer to the origin of the scent and realize that I am now standing beside a familiar face, one that I have secretly admired from afar. The perfectly molded visage belongs to none other than Edward Cullen. He is standing erect against the wall of the gym, his expression void of any emotion, his eyes fixed steadily toward the dance floor. I follow his gaze out into the throng of teenagers only to observe Jake and Bella sharing in a slow dance.

A sudden calm comes over me as I watch the pair dance out on the gym floor. Normally, the very notion of Jake holding Bella by her waist as they swayed to the music would send me into a jealous frenzy. However, standing next to Edward, it is as if I am incapable of feeling any animosity toward Bella. I shyly look back to the Adonis beside me. He is dressed in a flawless, old-fashioned tux, looking as handsome as any Greek god would. He is completely and utterly beautiful.

Feeling the pull once again, I move closer to him, and he doesn't even seem to notice that I am standing right beside him. His eyes are still focused fully on Bella and Jake out on the dance floor. I feel almost as if I am in a trance, and I want him to see me more than anything. Thoughts of Edward taking me under the bleachers and ravaging me race rapidly through my mind. I would let him do whatever he wanted to do. I would be completely his.

Realizing what I am thinking, I hurriedly shake away my thoughts. The song has now ended. Edward suddenly moves from his position against the wall and ventures back out onto the gym floor. I watch him as he walks with perfection; he even looks better going than coming. I try not to eavesdrop on his conversation with Jake and Bella, turning my head to scan the crowd for Quil and Lindz.

"Jess!" Jake's call wakes me from my search. "Let's go. I'm done."

"OK." I tell Jake as he takes my hand, glancing back over at Edward and Bella as they begin to dance again. She is one lucky girl, I think to myself. I can definitely see what she sees in Edward. He is so captivating for lack of a better word. No, that seems to sum it up quite well.

Jake signals to Quil and Lindz to let them know that we are leaving. Quil gives us an exaggerated "two thumbs up" like a three year old as we exit the gym and out into the coolness of the night.

"Thanks for coming with me, Jess." Jake shows his gratitude for my companionship as we walk toward my dad's truck. "Dad can be so strange sometimes."

"What did he want you to tell her? It was about Edward, right?" I stand beside him on the passenger side of the car.

"Yeah, he doesn't want them to go out. He's just a superstitious old man." Jake chuckles, smiling his beautiful grin. It makes me forget all about What's His Name in the gym.

Then, I feel an overwhelming churning in my stomach. Before I know what is happening, I heave the contents of my stomach in front of Jake. I am completely mortified.

"Jess!" Jake graciously pulls the hair into a knot behind my neck as I vomit on the pavement. "Are you okay?"

When I'm done embarrassing the shit of out myself, I rise up, wiping my mouth and looking Jake dead in the face. "I've got something to tell you, Jake."

He just stares at me with wide eyes as if he knows what I am about to say.

**  
****Attn: If you read the Epilogue to Twilight, you will notice Jess is the "sophomore in a pink dress" who eyes Edward at the prom on pg. 491. Please review!**


	18. Chapter 18

**Jacob Have I Loved**

**Chapter 18**

"Um, ok." Jake nervously bites his lip and then stares down at the pavement. "Well, let me get you something to drink first. Hold on." He sighs, taking off back toward the gymnasium, and disappears beyond the entrance.

Exhaling deeply, I run my fingers through my black hair and lean against the driver's side door to my dad's pickup. How am I going to tell him about this? My heart is beating faster than it ever has before. I can feel my stomach start to churn once again, and I hope I won't have a repeat of my up-chuck reflex.

"Here you go, Jess." A plastic cup of what I can only guess is punch appears in front of my face.

I take the cup of reddish liquid into my palms, pulling it up to my lips and chugging every last drop in one long gulp. "Thanks, Jake."

"What's wrong? Are you getting the flu or something?" Jake retrieves the cup from my hand, and I can feel my heart beating all the way in my ears. This will be the hardest thing I will ever have to do.

"No, um . . ." My attention is diverted to a couple making out against a red BMW off in the distance. Wait a minute. Isn't that two of the Cullen kids? Why are they making out? Aren't they like siblings? That's so disgusting!

"Jess . . ." Jake's right hand lightly cups around my cheek, bringing my focus back to him. Then, he drapes his arm around my shoulders. "Let me take you home."

Guiding me over to the passenger side of the truck, Jake helps me into the cab and reaches over to hook my seatbelt. He smiles at me briefly before shutting the door. As he positions himself in the driver's seat, I hand him the keys from my purse. He heftily revs the engine and drives us back toward La Push.

Silence is golden. I've never realized that more than on the drive home. I feel like I could burst into tears any minute. Jake and I never talk anymore; I feel so much distance between us. He hasn't even told me that he loves me in almost a week. Something tells me that I am losing Jake in more ways than one. Losing him as a lover, a boyfriend, and most heartbreakingly—a friend. Now, I'm pregnant with his child, which will in some way bind us together forever. A single tear trickles slowly down the side of my left cheek, and I quickly wipe it away. I stare out the window pane, wishing I could be anywhere but here.

As Jake pulls my dad's pickup into the driveway of my house and kills the engine, he sighs, staring down at the steering wheel. "Jess, um . . . I'm sorry about tonight."

I half-smile at him and reply, "It's ok, Jake. I'm glad we got to see each other." I unhook my seatbelt, scooting closer to him on the seat.

"Me too." Jake places his right arm across my shoulders. "If I'd known you were sick, I would have never asked you."

Oh, God, here we go. "I'm not sick, Jake." I lean my head against his shoulder, letting out a loud breath.

"What do you mean?" Jake kisses me on the forehead and then rests his head against mine. "You could've fooled me." He chuckles, grabbing my left hand.

"Um . . . Jake?" I rise up, turning so that I can look him straight in the eyes.

"What?" His expression reads nothing but concern. "You're not mad about me dancing with Bella are you? Because nothing happened . . ."

"No, Jake." I interrupt him. "I understand why you did it, but that's not it."

He doesn't speak; his face looks more puzzled than ever.

I take a deep breath, nervously knotting my hands together. "Jake, I think I'm . . . pregnant."

I stare down at my hands, afraid to look up and gauge Jake's reaction. When he doesn't respond, I shyly peer up at him. His eyes are about to bug out of his head as he glares out the windshield.

"Jake, say something. Please." I attempt to rouse him from his trance.

"You're pregnant?" Jake looks over at me, and the look he gives me breaks my heart in two. "As in, you're having a baby?"

"Yes." I break his gaze, taking a breath in relief. "Well, I don't know for sure, but I'm pretty sure that's what it is."

"What do you mean you don't know?" Jake is furious with me; his eyes tell me that he is livid.

"I mean, I haven't taken a test or anything." I'm starting to cry now. I thought Jake would be more sympathetic than he is being right now. I want to dig myself a hole and pull the dirt back on top of me.

"Then, how can you know for sure?" Jake grits his teeth together.

"Well . . . I'm late, and I've been puking my guts out. Those are the usual symptoms." I feel so hopeless right now. Jake is definitely upset, and I have a feeling it's going to get even worse. I hope he doesn't do the unthinkable.

Jake lets what I've said sink in for a few seconds, and then, he shouts, "FUCK," slamming his fists against the steering wheel. When he is done assaulting the truck, he puts his palms against his face and runs them down its length. "Is it mine?"

I can't believe he just asked me that. "Of course, it's yours, Jake. You're the only one I've had sex with!" I forcibly shout through my sobs. Why is he being such a jackass all of a sudden? Where did my Jake go?

While I am pondering these thoughts, Jake angrily exits the truck and slams the driver's side door. He begins to walk away, and my heart is completely ripped to shreds. I have to follow him.

"Jake! Wait!" I exit the truck and run up to meet him, the heels of my pumps digging into the dirt of the driveway. "Please don't leave. I need you so much right now."

"Jess . . ." Jake spins around, the anger still apparent on his face. "Do you want to know something?"

"What?" I look at him, baffled.

"I was actually going to break up with you tonight." WHAT THE FUCK? My former fears are confirmed. "I just couldn't take the silence between us anymore. We NEVER talk. All we do is fuck, and now you're pregnant! SHIT!" He turns his body to the side, staring off at the surrounding trees.

"You were going to break up with me?" What alternate universe did I just wander into? I'm shaking like a leaf; my pulse is racing. The tears are streaming faster down my face. "NO! JAKE! PLEASE DON'T DO THIS! I LOVE YOU!"

I throw my arms around him, and he returns my embrace. "I'm sorry about this, Jess."

"Don't you love me, Jake?" I sob onto his white shirt, staining it with my mascara.

"I do love you, but, Jess, look what we've done." Jake sighs, and I can feel him relax. "Don't cry. Please. I'll be here for you. Don't you worry about that. I'll always be here."

Jake's words soothe me as he holds me under the canopy of trees and stars. I continue to cry onto his shoulder, and he pulls me closer, kissing me sweetly on my hair. "I have an appointment Monday . . . at a free clinic."

"NO!" Jake pulls away from me, looking me dead in the face. "YOU ARE NOT HAVING AN ABORTION!"

Despite my melancholy, I can't help but laugh. "No, I mean, for a pregnancy test."

Jake exhales and pulls me back into his burly arms. "Whew, you had me worried there for a minute. Can't you buy one of those tests at the store?"

"I want to make sure, Jake. Plus, they'll be able to help me with my options." I am comforted by the warmth of his arms around me. I could stay here forever.

"You mean _our_ options." Jake releases me and smiles. "I want to make this decision with you."

"I know. I just want to do what is best for the baby."

Unexpectedly, Jake reaches down and presses his right hand to my abdomen. I would give a million dollars to know what thoughts are racing through his mind at this moment. "Do you want to know what I think?" Yes, Jake, more than anything. "I would like to keep the baby."

"Really, Jake?" I smile at him, and his hand is still pressed against my waist.

"Yes." Jake removes his hand, clutching me to him. "I love you, Jess." He mirrors my grin and leans down, meeting his lips with mine. He runs his tongue along my bottom lip and then slips it into my mouth. His taste is so incredibly delectable, and I feel myself beginning to imagine him throwing me to the ground, pulling up my dress, and having his way with me. I hope he doesn't taste the vomit on my breath. That could really kill the mood. But my fears are graciously relieved when I feel him hardening against my thigh.

Suddenly, Jake stops. "Man, I want you so bad. Why do you have to be so sexy?" He smirks at me. "That's one of the reasons why we're in this mess!" His beautiful eyes sparkle as he laughs. I hope our son or daughter has those same exact eyes.

"Don't blame me. Blame my parents." I fleetingly laugh along with him, and then, my smile fades. "Jake, will you come with me Monday?"

"To get the test done?" He asks, and I nod in affirmation. "I wouldn't miss it for the world."

"So, are we okay? I mean we're not breaking up, are we?" As I ask my questions of Jake, he takes me back into his arms, meshing his lips again with mine. I feel it all the way in my knees.

"I don't know what I was thinking earlier. I was just mad and upset. Mostly with myself." He tells me when he finishes our kiss.

"JESSICA!" My mother's voice is now beckoning me from the front porch. "We've got the market tomorrow!"

"I know, Mom. I'm coming." I give Jake one last, lingering kiss. "I'll call you when she's asleep."

"I've got a better idea." Jake whispers low in my ear. "Why don't I wait outside and you can let me in your window?"

I look up at his face, noticing that his eyebrows are now lifted. Didn't he just say something earlier about not wanting to have sex with me so much?

When I don't answer, Jake adds, "I mean it couldn't hurt, right?"

* * *

About thirty minutes later, after showering and ridding my face of my makeup, I slip into my pajamas and carefully peek my head out into the hallway. I can hear the faint sounds of my dad's snoring emanating from my parents' bedroom from down the hall. Satisfied, I close my bedroom door and saunter over to my window. I unlock it, and Jake quietly slides it open and climbs into my bedroom.

"Wow, I like those pajamas. Hel-lo Kitty!" Jake fiercely grabs me by the waist and forces his lips to mine. I stumble backwards, pulling him with me onto the bed.

"Sorry." He whispers, making a funny face.

"It's okay. We just have to be quiet." But before I can even finish my last sentence, Jake reaches down, removing my pajama bottoms and panties, kissing my legs all the way down. Opening my legs, he brings his lips up to my thighs and runs his tongue up to my sweet spot. Before I can tell him no, his mouth is on me, and his tongue is now licking the area that hungrily throbs for him. I responsively moan, writhing at the tickle of his kiss between my legs. Man, why did I ever doubt him? His touch feels so right, so incredible. I love him with all my heart.

As he begins to suck my wetness, he leads his fingers up under bra and caresses my right breast. My eyes roll into the back of my head, feeling my climax starting to ripen. I arch my back off the bed, and Jake rises up, clutching me to him again.

"Make love to me, Jake." I whisper, almost breathless, unbuttoning his shirt and loosening his tie. He helps me remove them and his pants and boxers as well, climbing on top of me when he is done. He clasps his hands with mine, our bodies melting desirously together.

Then, I remember. I don't know if I'm really pregnant or not. "Do you have something?"

"Crap! Hold on." Jake's warmth leaves me for a few seconds while he searches for a condom in the pockets of his discarded pants. I rise up on my elbows to watch him. "No, I don't have one. SHIT!"

Disappointed, I collapse on the bed, covering my face with my hands. I almost burst into tears. Jake crawls back on top of me. "I'm sorry, Jess. Damn!"

An idea suddenly pops into my mind. "Wait right here. I'll be right back."

I don't even bother with my pajama pants; my T-shirt is long enough to cover my bottom. I creep into the hallway and into the bathroom. Frantically, but cautiously, I search the cabinets for my dad's condoms. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Finally, a small box toward the back of the top shelf catches my eye. SCORE! I remove one of the condoms and replace the box on the shelf, tiptoeing my way back to my bedroom.

When I close the door, I notice Jake is sprawled spread-eagle on the bed. His gorgeous, brown skin almost glistens in the moonlight trickling in from the window. I quietly stroll over to the bed, mounting the bed and placing my knees on either side of his waist. He peers up at me, a crooked smirk on his face, as I open the wrapper and roll the condom down his cock. I rise up and lower myself onto him, feeling him throbbing inside me. The sensation of him inside me feels so unbelievable.

Before I can begin to ride him, Jake elevates himself off the bed, ridding me of my oversized T-shirt. He runs his fingers around my back and unhooks my bra, tossing it to the side. Jake takes my left breast into his mouth, and I lean my head back, enjoying the warmth of his tongue as it traces my nipples. I gasp for air as his tongue moves up to my neck and then to my lips.

Clasping my arms around his shoulders, I begin to rock back and forth on top of him. He lies back on the bed and grabs me by the waist, guiding my slow, gentle thrusts against him. I can hear his breath quicken as I make love to him, and he whisperingly moans my name.

"Jess . . ." His eyes and mouth open wide, and I silence him with my lips, exploring his mouth with my tongue. I can now taste myself on his lips. Jake grips my ass tightly, pushing himself as far as he can get inside me. I rapidly pulse my clit against him and feel my peak slowly returning, my tongue still entwined with his.

"JAKE! Uh!" I groan, my lips curling amongst the pleasure. "I'm almost there." I ride him harder, the sensation swelling inside me. "Almost. UH!" I don't even care anymore how loud I am. My climax is reached, and it surges through every nerve ending in my body. White spots blind my vision for several seconds, and I feel my heart pulsating in my ears. "Oh, my God, Jake! Wow!" I collapse against his chest, and his arms immediately fold around me.

After a brief rest, I kiss his chest and roll off of him, coming onto my knees toward the edge of the bed. "Fuck me, Jake."

Smiling, Jake slides off the bed, standing behind me. I help him guide himself back into me, and he begins to thrust against my bottom. I hurriedly snatch a pillow and bury my head in it in order to keep myself from screaming at the top of my lungs. With every movement, I feel myself getting wetter and wetter. He is so good at this, especially this position. HOLY SHIT!

I bite down forcibly on the pillow to silence my urge to shout explicatives as he twirls his cock inside me. Then, he pounds me, pressing his body down on top of me on the bed.

"Jess . . . I fucking love you!" He shouts, and I feel him cuming into the condom inside me. His body goes rigid against my back, plastering my own to the sheets beneath us. Rising up off the pillow, I turn my head to the side and let out a lurid breath.

After a few minutes of silence, I roll out from under Jake, but before I can exit the bed, he grabs me by both wrists. He tenderly lays me back down on the covers, moving his hands down to my lower abdomen. Gently and sweetly, he places a lingering kiss on the skin covering my belly where our potential future now rests.

**Attn: I love how sweet Jake is here. *sighs* Please review! Thanks for reading.**


	19. Chapter 19

**Jacob Have I Loved**

**Chapter 19**

"Thanks for driving us, Steph." I place my left hand on Stephenie's knee and give it a small, grateful pat as she drives Jake and me to the clinic that Monday afternoon.

She smiles, grabbing my hand with her right, and gives it a light squeeze. "You're welcome." Then, she winks at Jake, who is positioned in the backseat, nervously running his palms down the length of his thighs. Steph looks back at me and mouths "sorry." She lets go of my hand, focusing her attention back on the road.

I peer out the window, watching the drenching rain roll down the glass. Telling Steph about the possible pregnancy went better than I expected it to. She was upset at first that I could be so careless as to not use condoms, but held me tightly as I cried onto her shoulder. Ever since we became friends back in kindergarten, she has always been there for me. Even when we had our differences and fought over boys or school, Steph has been my beacon, my guiding light. I will ever be grateful to her for the love she has shown me all these years.

"Is this it?" Steph stirs me from my fond memories of her.

I look through the windshield and read the sign adorning a lone building on the left hand side of the road. It reads: _Family Planning of Clallam County_. Sighing and feeling my stomach start to flutter, I confirm, "Yeah, that's it."

Glancing at Jake in the backseat, I observe his body tense along with mine. Steph then puts on her turn signal and turns into the parking lot of the clinic. This is going to be the most nerve-racking experience Jake and I possibly will ever have to endure.

"Do you want me to come with you, Jess?" Steph asks, putting the car in park. "I mean if you don't want me to, I'll understand."

"No, Steph. I want you there." I tell her as I pull the hood of my jacket over my head to shield my hair from the rain. "Please come with us."

My door suddenly opens, and I notice that Jake chivalrously is waiting for me to exit the car, letting the rain douse his black tresses. I exit Steph's car, and the three of us run toward the clinic's entrance through the torrential downpour. Jake holds the door for us, and as I enter, Jake pulls me to the side.

"Whatever happens, Jess, I love you." Jake grins, planting a soft kiss on my lips and taking my hand. His words completely melt me and relieve the nervous ache I feel in the pit of my stomach. He has such a way with words. Did I mention how much I love I Jake?

"May I help you?" A young woman calls to us as we walk into the lobby. I look over at Steph and then Jake, who affectionately squeezes my hand.

"I have a four o'clock appointment. Jessica Burnside." I inform her, walking over to the reception desk. As the receptionist looks through her appointment book, I notice that she is wearing a nametag that reads "HELLO, I AM KATE" (the name "Kate" is handwritten) and a _Save the Olympic Wolf_ T-shirt.

"Ah, yes, Jessica. You're here for a pregnancy test. Am I right?" Kate smiles, looking up from her desk.

"Yes, ma'am." I reply, and she hands me a clipboard with several forms to fill out while I wait.

I walk back over to Steph, who is positioned in one of the waiting room chairs, taking a seat beside her. Jake is pacing around the lobby, pausing to read several posters about how to properly put on a condom and the different stages of pregnancy. The irony of it makes me release a short snicker, and I focus my attention to filling out the forms. After completing all my personal information, I then start to fill out an attached questionnaire.

Most of questions are extremely blunt to say the least. _When was the date of your last menstrual cycle? When was the last time you had sexual intercourse? How many sexual partners have you had in the past twelve months? Are you currently taking or have you ever taken an oral contraceptive? Have you had unprotected sex in the past month? Do you have any sexually transmitted diseases?_ I personally feel a little violated by the questions, but I guess I have to answer them in order to have the test done.

"Jessica?" An almost angelic voice calls from the reception desk. I look up, only to see a female doctor dressed in a long, white lab coat coming toward me. "Hello, I'm Dr. Taggart, but you can call me Christine." Dr. Christine holds out her hand to me as I stand up to greet her. "I see you're here for a pregnancy test. Why don't you come with me?" She takes the clipboard from my hand, and I follow her toward the examination room.

I peek a quick glance over at Jake, and he smiles and winks at me. His words echo like a still, small voice inside my head, "Whatever happens, Jess, I love you." I return his grin and enter the exam room, taking a deep breath.

"Well, let's have a look at your forms, shall we?" Dr. Christine begins, reading over my answers to the questions and asking several more of her own. "Is that your boyfriend out in the lobby?"

"Yes, Dr. Taggart. His name is Jacob." The thought of Jake makes me smile again.

"Please call me Christine." She reminds me. "You know, not that many boyfriends come with their girlfriends here. You should consider yourself lucky to have Jacob." I do more than anything. Dr. Christine hands me a hospital gown. "Change into this, and I'll be right back. If you are pregnant, I'll need to exam you, I'm afraid."

As the doctor exits the room, I quickly change and then take a seat on the examination table. Millions of thoughts are racing through my head at the moment--my potential future as a mother, my likelihood of graduating high school, my parents' reaction to the pregnancy, my friends' reactions . . . the list goes on and on. The nervous knot returns to my stomach, and I feel as if I might hurl the contents of my stomach on the floor of the exam room.

"Are you dressed, Jessica?" Dr. Christine pops her head into the room, jolting me from my swirling thoughts. I nod, and she reenters. "I'm a little confused. I must say. You've been taking birth control for three years, right?"

"Yes, ma'am." I respond, feeling almost a little confused myself.

"You've been taking them as directed, and your period is still late?"

"Yes, six days now." I relay, nervously entwining my fingers. "And I've been having morning sickness."

"It's just strange. The pill is for the most part very effective." She pauses. "Well, let's get on with the test, shall we? I'm going to take a blood sample first." Dr. Christine prepares my arms for the needle with some type of liquid and attaches a tourniquet above my elbow. The sight of the needle makes me cringe, and the prick only worsens the situation. "There. I can call your cell with the results if you want." I nod as she places a small, round band-aid to cover the tiny hole now branded on my skin and releases my arm from the tourniquet.

Dr. Christine then hands me a long object, which resembles the tests I have seen on TV commercials, and instructs me on how to "pee on the stick" as she jokingly calls it. After following her directions in the bathroom down the hall, I anxiously await the results with her for several agonizing minutes back in the exam room.

"Well, good news, Jessica." Dr. Christine exclaims as I stare wide-eyed at her. "According to this, you're not pregnant!" She pats me gently on the shoulder, showing me the indicator on the test. "Congratulations. You can get dressed now. I'll call with the blood test results, but I don't think you have anything to worry about. And please have your mother take you to a gynecologist if your period doesn't start in the next few days." I hear her sigh. Then, she grabs my right hand, staring into my brown eyes and saying with all sincerity: "Jessica, please wrap it up next time."

I don't even know how long the doctor lingers in the room before leaving. I sit frozen on the examination table, part relieved, part dumbfounded. Relieved that I'm not pregnant, which lifts the hundred pound weight from my shoulders; dumbfounded because I don't know what could be causing my nausea and my period to be late.

Shaking away my thoughts, I dress and leave my worries of becoming a teenage mother in the exam room. As I saunter like a zombie into the lobby, I pass another girl, who is possibly my same age and very pregnant, feeling a sweeping wave of relief crash over me. I immediately run to Jake, who encases me in his arms, and burst into tears as I feel the warmth of his body overtake me.

"Shhh." Jake's voice attempts to calm me. "It's gonna be all right."

"Let's just go, please." I beg him through my sobs, and he guides me out the double doors to the clinic. I don't even notice if Steph is following us until I feel the touch of her hand on my left shoulder when Jake helps me into the backseat of her car.

"We're gonna work this out somehow." Jake sighs, wrapping his arms back around me as he positions himself beside me. I bury my head into the folds of his jacket and weep joyful tears.

"Yeah, Jess, we'll be here for you every step of the way." I hear Steph's saddened voice call to me from the front seat.

I instantly pull away from Jake and confess, "Guys, I'm not pregnant."

"What?" They both question in unison.

"The test was negative. I'M NOT PREGNANT!" I exclaim, wiping the tears from under my eyes.

"You mean, these are happy tears?" Jake cups his hands around my face. I smile at him to affirm his question, and he kisses me passionately dead on the lips. I instinctively throw my arms around him, pulling him closer to me, and he lays me down on the backseat, planting playful kisses all over my face and down my neck.

"What just a minute, you two!" Steph cautions, trying to hold back a fit of laughter. "That's what got us here in the first place! Now, cut it out!"

"Butt the hell out, Steph!" Jake returns his lips to my neck and whispers. "I love you, Jess."

"Ok, well . . . please put your seatbelts on. We've got a long ride back." Steph is clearly annoyed, and Jake reluctantly rises up, hooks his seatbelt, and takes my left hand into his. I embarrassingly follow suit as Steph pulls the car away from the place I never want to see again.

* * *

About an hour and a half later, Steph drops Jake and me off at my house. I have invited Jake to stay for dinner with my parents and formerly tell them that we are dating. He hasn't been over for dinner in ages. As we walk hand in hand up to the door, both of us are grinning from ear to ear, basking in the glow of knowing that we aren't about to become teenage parents.

"Jess." Jake suddenly stops on the walkway and pulls me to him. "I have something for you." He reaches into his jacket pocket and retrieves a miniature stuffed teddy bear. "I hope it's not too cheesy to give it to you now. It was for, you know, if you were . . ."

"It's adorable, Jake." I grab it from his hand, giving him a tiny peck on the cheek. I look down at my present and notice the words "I heart you" are embroidered across the bear's belly. "Thank you."

I peer up at Jake and notice that several tears are now streaming down his face. The happiness drains from my face. "Jake, what's wrong?"

"It's nothing." He turns, obviously embarrassed, and frantically wiped the tears from under his brown eyes. I hug him from behind and plant a kiss on his back. After a few minutes, he says, "It's just. I don't know."

"What, Jake?" I release him, and he turns to face me.

"Part of me was hoping that you were." Jake's words make my heart swell to twice its original size. Is he actually sad that we're not having a baby? "The thought of me being a dad made me a little excited. That's all."

"Aww, Jake." I shroud him with my arms. "I'm sorry."

"No, it's better this way. It just wasn't meant to be, I guess." Jake pulls away from me and takes my hand. Sucking in a deep breath, Jake then exhales. "Now, can we eat? I'm starving!"

I smile at him, clutching my gift to my chest, as we begin to walk up the stepping stones to my house. He truly is my Jake, and I want to be his Jess forever.

"JESSICA!" My mom shrieks at the top of her lungs, running out of the house. "GET IN THIS HOUSE RIGHT NOW!" Her words baffle me, and I turn to Jake, who shoots me a worried look. "Jake, I'm sorry, but you can't stay for dinner!"

"Ok, Melissa." Jake gives me a swift kiss goodbye, squeezing my hand. "Um . . . I'll call you later, Jess." I watch him as he hastily hurries back down the driveway toward the road.

"JESSICA, NOW!" My mom is now tugging me by the arm. What has gotten into her?

"Mom, what is all this about?" She doesn't answer me, but still lugs me into the house with a vice grip on my elbow.

Once I'm inside the living room, I spy my dad sitting on the edge of his leather recliner. He sighs and raises his right hand. Tucked in between his index and middle fingers rests a small, square wrapper with the word TROJAN written across it in all capital letters. FUCK!

**Attn: So, she's not pregnant. What else could it be? Please review!**


	20. Chapter 20

**Jacob Have I Loved**

**Chapter 20**

"Um." I freeze up like a statue, but my heart begins to thump wildly in my chest. "I can explain." _Shut the hell up, Jess!_ My conscience starts to scream at me. _How in the world are you going to explain this one? You've been practicing how to put on condoms in your room for fun? Yeah, right. They'll buy that one for sure._

"Explain what, Jessica?" My father's anger is evident in his brash tone as if the fierce look in his eyes wasn't enough. He stands up, breathing into my face, the condom wrapper still wedged in between his fingers. "Your mother found this while vacuuming your room this afternoon!" He raises the wrapper to meet my gaze. "I think it's pretty clear what's going on here!"

My mom anxiously takes a seat on the couch, running her hands down her face. "David, let's give Jessica a chance to explain things. Let's be open-minded about it." For a brief second, I masochistically recall the memory of previous events that occurred on that very sofa, and regret achingly pulsates through my mind.

"Mel, she's having sex at sixteen!" My dad heatedly fumes at my mother and then turns back to me. "And in her bed, under our own roof!" His hands morph into fists, and for a moment there, I almost fear that he might haul off and take a shot at me. He used to spank me for punishment when I was little, and I feared him like a small child would fear the monster under their bed or hiding in their closet. But he just stands there, the anger emanating from every fiber of his being.

"Jess, how long have you and Jake been having sex?" My mom graciously breaks the silence. Damn it. Of course, she suspects I've been with Jake. We've been stuck together like glue literally for the past month or so.

A lump forms readily in my throat, and my heartbeat has now gone off the charts. Can you have heart palpitations at sixteen? My mind has completely gone blank. I can't even think straight to answer her question.

"Um, I . . ." I stammer out those two words, unable to finish my explanation.

"And under our own roof! Jess, how stupid do you think we are?" My father's breath blows across my face, and I can smell the hint of liquor enter my nose.

"Dad, I'm sorry." I whisper, fighting back the tears that are now forming in my eyes. I stare hopefully into his, wishing for him to forgive me, for both of them to forgive me. Maybe, if he sees how upset this has all made me, he'll wrap his arms around me and be the loving father I know he can.

"You better be sorry!" He turns away from me. "You're grounded until further notice!"

"DAD, NO!" I beg, tears streaming down my face. If they only knew the agony and worry I had suffered over the past few days, maybe they would understand. But as of this moment, I'm not ready to share that information with them just yet. They would know Jake and I had unprotected sex at least once.

"I'll be needing your cell phone, too!" My dad holds out his hand, and I reluctantly retrieve it from my jeans pocket. My mind immediately remembers Dr. Christine's promise to call my cell with the blood test results. As I somberly hand it over to him, he continues, more calmly than before, "I'll save Jake and not tell Billy about this. But I'm afraid you two can't see each other for awhile."

"But . . ." The thought of not seeing Jake sends stabbing pains to my heart. I start to feel my world crumble down all around me. Jake is my world. Without him, my life is nothing.

"And no cruising around with Stephenie either." My dad further adds to the list of stipulations.

"David!" My mom seems to be almost furious with my sire. "That's enough! At least they had sense enough to use protection."

My dad throws up his hands in surrender and storms out of the room and into the kitchen, infuriated.

After he is gone, my mom orders, "Jess, _please_ just go to your room for now. We'll talk more about this later."

I don't even give it a second thought. My feet pound up the stairs to my room, my mind anxious and thankful to leave the tense scene in the living room. I fling open my bedroom door, slam it shut, and fall to the comfort of my bed, sobbing into one of my pillows. I cradle Jake's stuffed teddy bear to my chest, and I can still smell his musky scent emitting from its threads. It only makes the tears come faster.

How could I be so careless to not get rid of the wrapper? How could I be such a dumbass to actually have sex in my own bed while my parents slept down the hall? Now, my parents know exactly what a whore I've become! I mentally flog myself for being such a slut. I've let them down beyond reconciliation, and my heart breaks to know I've hurt them so. I just pray to God that no one else on the reservation finds out about this or my reputation will be thoroughly destroyed. Of course, our little circle of friends knows all about it. Somehow I wish I could turn back the hands of time and make it all go away.

I continue to cry into the pillow, fully taking in the weight of my actions, and before I know it, I am drifting off to sleep.

********************************

_Thud. Thump. Thud._

What the hell is that? I rise up in my bed, alarmed and awakened by the sudden, unfamiliar sound. I wipe the sleep from my eyes and peer around the now darkened room, realizing it is now evening.

_Thud._

There it is again, and it's coming from my bedroom window. I stare over at the clock as I exit my bed and notice that it is almost eleven. Cautiously sauntering over to the window, I pull back the curtains only to observe Jake standing below, a smile evident on his face. My heart instantly skips a beat, and I am elated to see him again so soon.

"Jake! What are you doing here?" I call down to him in a loud whisper after quietly opening the window.

"I tried calling your cell, but I kept getting your voicemail. I was worried. Can I come up?" At Jake's question, my mind starts to carefully weigh my options. I can't help but think of Romeo and Juliet at this moment, and it makes me smile.

"Are you seriously trying to get me grounded for life?" I speak through my grin.

"No, I just wanted to see if you were okay. Can I please come up?" Before I can even reply, he is climbing the tree outside my window.

"Sure, why not?" I agree under my breath. How much more trouble could I get into? As I help him into my room, I whisper, "Jake, you _have_ to be quiet."

"I will." Jake pulls me to him, and I push him away. What is wrong with me? "What is it, Jess?"

"I'm grounded." I sit down on the bed, not meeting his eyes.

"What for?" He kneels in front of me, placing his palms on my knees. Then, his eyes widen. "They found out about us going to Port Angeles?"

"No." I feel the tears start to well up again. I close my eyes, trying to force them to stop, and bite my bottom lip. "They found the condom wrapper."

"Oh, SHIT!" Jake exclaims, standing up and sitting beside me on the bed.

"Shhh." I place a finger over his mouth, and he grabs my hand and intertwines our fingers.

"Sorry." He lowers his voice. "How long are you in for?"

I form quotation marks with my hands. "Until further notice were his exact words."

"Damn, Jess, I'm sorry." Jake wraps his arms around me and kisses me on the forehead. Then, he face fills with panic. "Do they know about . . . you know?"

"No, I didn't tell them." As I answer him, his face and shoulders relax, and his lips form his beautiful smile again.

"Good. Your dad never seemed to like me anyway." Jake huffs. "Maybe, he knew this knew this day was coming."

I laugh. "You know just how to make me laugh, Jake."

"Hmm." Jake looks down at his hands knotted with mine and then back up at me. "Well, if my career as a mechanic doesn't pan out, I can always try stand-up comedy."

I decide to join in with his repartee. "If my dad lets you live passed sixteen."

"He didn't threaten to come after me, did he?" He snickers. "Or start loading his rifle?"

We both bust out in laughter, but catch ourselves before we get too loud to wake my parents. Jake lies back on the bed, trying to keep from chuckling, and I position myself right beside him.

Rolling on his side, Jake faces me, and his expression is serious. "Jess, they're not going to tell my dad, are they?"

"No." I almost have to laugh at the terror in Jake's eyes. "My dad said he would 'save' you."

"Whew." He lets out a breath. "My dad may need a wheelchair to get around, but he can still kick my ass. That's for sure."

Jake flashes me his gorgeous grin, and we both share a few seconds of laughter once again.

"I would like to see that." I jestingly remark, resting my head on his right shoulder, as he pulls me closer to him.

"I'm sure you would." Jake kisses my hair. "He's had enough practice on my sisters. He's a pro by now."

Jake is so wonderful. Despite the uneasiness we both have had to endure over the past few days, he knows just how to make me feel better. How can I bear to be apart from him "until further notice?" And school is almost over for the summer. This is surely going to be the death of me.

"Hey, did he ever pay you for your little deed at Bella's prom?" Bella. I can't believe I just said her name.

"Not yet." Jake relays. "He's waiting to see if she actually breaks it off with him."

"That's not fair. You did what he asked. What she chooses to do shouldn't matter."

"That's what I told him, but he's so stubborn sometimes." Jake sighs and then frowns. "At this rate, my car will never get fixed."

"I'm sorry, Jake. Maybe, I could lend you the money . . ."

"No, I want to earn it myself." Jake's statement is firm, and I know he truly means what he has said.

We lie there, staring up at the ceiling, and cradled in each others' arms. It feels so right to be here with him. Like this. Together. The only sounds I can discern are the chirps of crickets outside, and I can't be certain, but somehow, I can hear the sound of our heartbeats pounding in unison.

"Jess . . . I'm sorry." Jake pivots his head, so that he can look me in the eyes. "I know I apologize a lot to you." He pauses, looking down. I decide not to speak, but to let him tell me what he needs me to hear. "Saturday, I don't know what I was thinking. After my dad bribed me to go to Bella's prom, there was just something about being there with her . . . Oh, I don't know what I'm saying."

Damn that Bella. I need him to really tell me how he feels about her. "Tell me the truth, Jake. Do you like her? I need to know."

"Yeah, I like her." Jake frowns and doesn't peer at me to gauge my reaction. "She's really nice."

"You know what I mean, Jake." I feel my heart shatter into a million pieces. My stomach even begins to cramp amongst the internal torture I am now experiencing. "Are you secretly hoping she'll break up with Edward?"

"Why are you so jealous of her?" Jake reads me almost like an open book. Damn it. "You have _nothing_ to worry about." He cups his hands around my face. "Maybe, she and I are just meant to be friends." Then, he smirks, "My riding lessons are only for you."

Jake tenderly presses his lips to mine, and I feel all my worries about Bella slowly dissipate with the warmth of his kiss. I lock my arms around his neck and pull him closer to me, hooking my left leg around his. Hunger like a burning fire blazes inside of me as I feel his hardened member graze the area in between my legs. Despite all the trouble I've been through today, I still long to feel his fingers on my bare skin, our bodies entwining once again. It is a hunger that will never be satisfied. His love is better than any drug could ever be, intoxicating, swallowing me whole with every touch.

As our kisses become more intense and our tongues begin their familiar dance, I feel his hot fingers languidly moving up to my breasts under my shirt. My nipples instantly harden as he reaches them and pinches them softly. I break free from his lips and tickle his left ear with my tongue, sucking on his earlobe gently. Jake lets out a long moan, and he rolls over on top of me.

Then, Jake begins to laugh again. "Jess, I better go before I do something that we'll get both our asses kicked."

"Please stay, Jake." The desire inside me is about to explode. A quick image of him tied to my bedposts flashes into my brain, and I have to shake it away.

"Jess, is everything all right?" Jake feels my forehead and pulls back his hand in shock. "Wow, you're burning up." He puts a hand on my chest above my breasts. "Your whole body is on fire. Maybe, you are getting the flu."

"Maybe." I stare at him, mystified. Something _is_ happening to me. I'm starting to sweat profusely. What the hell is wrong with me? I hope it's not PMS rearing its ugly ass head right here of front of him. Anyway, I have to convince him to stay. "But please don't go."

"You don't know how much I want to stay, but . . ." He kisses me sweetly on the lips. "Damn." Our lips almost melt together, and I wrap my legs around him, feeling his cock touch my wetness through the fabric of our clothes. "No, I have to go." Jake practically has to pry my legs from around his body as he struggles to get off the bed.

Before I can even lift myself off the sheets, he is already beginning to climb out my window. I force myself to meet him there before he disappears into the night.

"I love you, Jake." I whisper loud enough for him to hear, sticking my full torso out the opened window.

Jake pauses on the tree branch and leans toward me, brushing his lips over mine. I'm left completely inebriated. "I love you. Goodnight. See you tomorrow at school."

He mends my broken heart with that dreamy grin of his, and his form is swallowed up by the darkness of the night.

**Attn: Many of you have been wondering if Jake really loves Jess, and the answer is yes. He truly does. But as he said, he is feeling a pull toward Bella. We'll have to see how this plays out through the rest of the fan fic. I also know that some of you are wondering what is going on with Jess. I would love to hear some of your theories! It will be revealed in the next few chapters. Thanks for reading! Please review.**


	21. Chapter 21

**Jacob Have I Loved**

**Chapter 21**

The next day in gym class, I can hardly concentrate. Last night, after Jake left, my mom came into my room, and we had a long conversation about my sex life. UGH! If I could die by mortification, I surely would not be standing here in my horrid tribal school T-shirt and matching daisy-duke gym trunks, trying to not get hit in the head with the volleyball. I can't believe how honest I was with her. Let's just say that now my mom knows everything—and I mean, _everything_. Well, she doesn't know about certain positions Jake and I have tried or anything like that, but she does know about the pregnancy scare. Luckily, she promised she wouldn't tell my father. She doesn't want my dad to go to prison for murdering my boyfriend. She thought it was funny, but it's hard for me to have a sense of humor about that. It almost makes me want to puke.

"JESS! HEADS UP!" I hear my friend Cierra's voice call out to me amongst my woes.

I look up. _WHACK!_ Damn it! I just got hit in the nose with the volleyball.

"OW!" I grab my nose in reflex, closing my eyes to block out the pain. Shit, that's going to leave a mark!

"Jess, are you okay?" My classmate Stacey's hand is now on my shoulder. "I'm sorry. I was hoping you were going spike it."

"I'm fine." I shove her hand away, looking across to the boys' side of the gym. I spy Jake, Embry, Quil, and several other boys playing a game of basketball on the opposite court. The boys look so goofy in their gym uniforms, except for Jake, who could only look better naked. Oh, God, Jake naked. Why did I have to think about that just now? As if I didn't have enough things on my mind! Damn it!

"Jess, let's get some ice for that nose." Coach Qahla grabs me by the shoulders, pulling me toward the gym's exit.

"Really, coach, I'm fine." I tell her as I glance back over at Jake, who has now stopped to look in my direction. Beads of sweat stream down his face and neck and his T-shirt clings to his body, making me salivate more with every passing second. His smile then beams at me, and I forget where I am. I have to control myself or I might run over there and jump him with everyone watching.

"You don't look fine. You look, well, dazed." Coach Qahla forces me to look at her by cupping her hands around my face. "Maybe you should sit out the rest of the period."

I forcibly turn my head, so that I can see Jake again, and he winks at me. Damn it! I'm drooling.

"Jess, you are burning up!" Her hand is now on my forehead. "I think you might have a fever. Please go see the nurse."

"Ok!" I break free from her grip and begin to make my way out of the gym and to the nurse's office.

As I reluctantly walk down the hallway, I feel another sudden urge of nausea begin to build in my stomach. I cup my hands over my mouth and haul ass to the ladies' room. Darting into the first stall, I heave the contents of my stomach into the toilet. Luckily, my hair is tied back in a ponytail. Vomit hair is not a good look for me. The force of my up-chuck reflex leaves me gagging, gasping to breathe. I collapse to the floor, wiping my mouth and putting my head between my knees.

What the hell is wrong with me? If I'm not pregnant, then why am I throwing up again? Better yet, why haven't I gotten my damn period already? This is really starting to get annoying. Before I know it, I am starting to cry. Tears pour out my eyes, soaking the skin covering my knees. Something must be terribly wrong with me, and I dread what it may be. I could be *gulp* dying.

Suddenly, I hear footsteps enter the restroom.

"Jess, are you in here?" I recognize Steph's voice calling out to me.

"I'm here, Steph." I hurriedly wipe the tears from under my eyes, pulling myself back to a standing position.

"Throw up again?" She asks as I open the stall door to greet her.

Instead of answering her, I desperately wrap my arms around her and sob into her shoulder. Steph returns my embrace, and we stand there for what seems like hours, holding each other as best friends only could.

"Jess." She finally breaks the silence. "You need to go see a doctor. Something is wrong. I have a bad feeling about this."

"I know, Steph." I pull away from her, and she retrieves some tissue from the first stall and hands it to me. "Thanks."

"No problem, sweetie." Steph drapes her arm on my shoulder.

"That's not all, Steph." As I speak and dot my eyes with the tissue, the worried expression on her face worsens. "My parents found a condom wrapper in my room. They know about Jake and me . . . you know."

"Shit!" Steph affectionately squeezes me on the shoulder. "Oh, my God, Jess! Did they go totally ballistic?"

"Totally, and they grounded me 'until further notice.' " I peer at her, my eyes obviously red from the constant flow of tears.

"Wow, Jess. I guess I'll have to go without my best friend for a while. How will I _ever_ survive?" Just as she speaks her last word, the bell blaringly resounds, interrupting our heart-to-heart. Nevertheless, her sarcasm makes me laugh. "Come on, let's get you out of these lame sweats! Jake will _never_ want you again in these." I smile, and she begins to lead me out the ladies' room. "No, wait." She pushes me forward.

"What?" I confusedly turn my head to question her.

"Your ass looks fabulous in those shorts! Nevermind." Steph rolls her eyes and then winks at me. She pulls me close with both arms for another hug as we both laugh hysterically at her compliment.

"Wait though. How's my nose?" I ask, running back to one of the mirrors. "Whoa, it's not even red!"

"Of course, you're Superwoman, chica." Steph links her arm with mine. "Come on, now, bitch."

My sense of hope is restored as we exit the ladies' room and enter the hallway. I'm so fortunate to have a friend like Steph. She has never let me down even though I have let her down many, many times. We continue to cackle like twelve-year-olds, almost skipping down the hall toward the girls' locker room.

"Jess, wait up!" My heart instantly leaps in my chest with the sound of Jake's husky voice.

"Ok, that's my cue! Later, babes." Steph laughs and kisses me sweetly on the cheek, leaving me face to face with my one true love.

"Hey, Jake." I notice he has now showered and changed into his regular clothes.

"I really need to get to Biology, but here." He grabs my hand and slips a folded sheet of paper into my palms. Then, he plants a small peck on my cheek, smiles, and heads back in the direction he came.

After watching his form disappear down the hallway, I hastily open his note, not caring that I might be late for my next class. My mouth forms a wide, goofy grin as I read those seven little words:

_First Beach._

_After School._

_I'll be waiting._

_~Jacob_

_RINNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGG!_ The tardy bell jolts me from my thoughts. Damn it! I'm late for class, and I still haven't changed. Oh, well, at least I have something to look forward to when the _last_ bell rings today.

****************

Later that afternoon, I find myself running toward First Beach. After receiving a detention from Mr. Trueblood, my English teacher, for being fifteen minutes late to class, I have daydreamed about meeting my beloved on the beach all day long. I think I even flunked my Biology quiz. But that's okay. I could hardly concentrate from the anticipation of being with Jake alone again in our cave.

As I reach my destination, I trample upon the myriad of smooth stones aligning the shore, searching endlessly for my Jake. The wind wildly tosses my hair about my shoulders, and I hope with all my heart and soul that he has not forgotten me.

Suddenly, I see someone positioned off in the distance on a driftwood log. We notice each other almost immediately, and he begins to make his way toward me. It is my Jake. I pick up the pace, almost sprinting down the sand to meet him.

Jake stops short, leaving about a yard between us, and stares into my eyes.

"Hi." He simply says, smiling.

"Hello." I shyly respond, mirroring his grin.

Before I know it, Jake lunges at me, grabbing the sides of my head with both palms and kissing me fiercely with his soft lips. I clutch him to me with my hands around his waist, feeling my whole body ignite with an unquenchable hunger for him. After several minutes of lip lock, Jake parts his lips from mine, gasping for air. I'm left utterly breathless as well.

"Let's finish what we started the night of the bonfire." Jake raises his eyebrow, his mouth morphing into a wicked smirk.

"Gee, let me think." I pretend to be deep in thought, placing a finger on my chin. "Hmm, I got in trouble for that last time."

Jake pulls me back to him, pulling up my left leg and hooking it around his waist. He presses his lips desirously back to mine and runs his left hand between my thighs. He then gently brushes his fingers across the area starving for him, making my whole body quiver in response.

"How about now?" His mouth begins to suck the skin just under my ear.

"Um. Sure, sure." I smile, closing my eyes, and enjoy the sensations surging through my body.

"Let's go." Jake whispers in my ear, sending shivers down my left arm. My leg drops back to the sand, and he takes my hand, running with me toward the entrance to our cave.

Once inside, clothes blurrily start to fly everywhere, and before we can even blink, we collapse to the sandy floor of the cave, every inch of our bare skin touching the other's.

Our lips meet again, urgently and in wanting. Jake raises my leg again, wrapping it around his waist and running his fingers in between my legs. He teases my clit several times and then slips his middle finger inside me, and I moan as he starts to move it in and out of me.

Unexpectedly, he stops and removes his finger. "Jess, I need you." He breathlessly tells me, thrusting himself into me with all his might.

Looking into my eyes, Jake begins to make love to me, slowly, tenderly, without the desire to rush through it. It feels unbelievable. It's incredible and mind-blowing how pleasurable our lovemaking has become. Jake cups both hands around my face, kissing me sweetly on the lips. A state of over-whelming bliss washes over me like a sweeping wave, and my eyes begin to flood with tears. I return his kisses, wrapping my arms around his back and pulling him deeper into me. I don't care if I have an orgasm, the feeling of him inside me is enough to satisfy me for today.

"I love you, Jess." Jake releases my lips and looks into my eyes.

"I love you, too, Jake." I speak, tears streaming down my cheeks. This is the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced. It is like the first time all over again, and I hope it won't be the last.

Seeing the tears on my cheeks, Jake begins to plant tiny kisses all over my face. "What's wrong, baby?"

"I'm just so happy." His lips form a wide smile, and he affirms, "Me too."

Jake continues to make love to me for what seems like hours of perpetual ecstasy, both of us finally surrendering as we reach our peaks simultaneously. Our bodies still connected as one, we both fall asleep in each other's arms, completely and utterly consumed in rapture.

*****************

"Jess, wake up!" I open my eyes only to see Jake frantically trying to get dressed. "We fell asleep! The sun's almost down!"

For a moment there, I have forgotten where we were. Then, I realize. "Shit! My ass is grass if I'm not home before my parents!"

I jump to my feet and begin to dress, nervously fumbling with the zipper on my jeans. Jake, now fully clothed, attempts to help me. "Jess, I'm sorry for this. It's all my fault."

"Jake, please stop apologizing for everything." I'm a little annoyed that he could possibly think that I didn't want this as well. "That was the most beautiful thing I've ever done."

"It was, wasn't it?" Jake takes me into his arms, peering into my brown eyes.

"It was definitely the best time for me." I smile.

"Yes, the best by far." He smiles wider than his face could possibly allow, kissing me lovingly on the lips.

"Well." I finally force myself to stop our kiss. "I need to get home."

"Yeah. Me too." He helps me continue to dress and then takes my hand as we exit our cave out onto the beach.

After about fifteen minutes, Jake and I part ways. It saddens me to be apart from him after sharing that incredible experience with him, but you have to do what you have to do sometimes.

The sun has now gone down, and the moon is shining in all her glory. I decide to take a detour through the woods, so that I can stay off the main road just in case my parents drive by on their way home from work. I couldn't risk getting caught walking home at this time of day. After all, I could always sneak in the back door and tiptoe up the stairs without anyone the wiser. I begin to hash out my plan as I trudge through the thick brush of the forest.

Without warning, my skin starts to itch and then burn. It is as if my skin is discharging itself from my body. Fire erupts inside my veins, and I feel myself falling to the twigs and patches of grass below. I look up through the trees, and white spots begin to cloud my vision. What the fuck is happening to me? I feel a low growl start to build inside my chest, and fear overtakes me. I'm dying, and I will never see Jake, my family, or my friends again.

Then, as quick as a flash of lightning, the pain surmounting inside my being comes to an over-whelming climax. My skin feels as if it is being ripped from my bones, and I charge forward, my clothes flying all around me in tiny shards. I can see everything and smell everything too. My hearing is so heightened that I can hear the waves crashing to the sand on First Beach miles away. I look down at my hands, but I no longer have hands. They have been replaced with furry paws. WHAT THE FUCK? Am I dreaming?

Suddenly, a rustle of cracking tree branches makes me turn my head to the right, and someone or some_thing_ emerges from the surrounding trees. I hear myself snarl with the growing threat before me.

The dark figure cautiously holds out a hand and begins to speak, "Do not be afraid, my child."

**Attn: So most of you were right! Who do you think the "dark figure" is? I would love to hear what you think! Thank you as always for your reading and feedback!**


	22. Chapter 22

**Jacob Have I Loved**

**Chapter 22**

I stare through my now heightened eyes in disbelief at the sight before me. The dark figure takes two steps forward, revealing itself in the glimmer of the moonlight. I gasp as I take in the figure's face. It is an image I have only seen in photographs—tattered and worn photographs from long ago. But the person in those pictures has been dead for decades. How is it possible?

I reach up to pinch myself, for I must be having a vivid nightmare. To my dismay, I only nudge myself in the nose with my paw—yes, my honey-gold-colored paw. How can I possibly be conscious? People can't turn into animals. That's the stuff of fairy tales and legends. Horror movies to be more accurate.

"My child." The shadowy figure continues. He is speaking in the ancient tongue of the Quileutes. Good thing I paid attention in my tribal studies class or I would be totally clueless right now. "Do not let your heart be troubled. I am your ancestor—a chief of long ago. I am the spirit of Ephraim Black." I now notice that the spirit is wearing traditional Quileute dress and his long, black tresses are twisted into braids and adorned with feathers.

HOLY SHIT! I feel as if I am having an out-of-body experience at the moment. I can see dead people!

"Yes." The spirit of my ancestor almost laughs. Wait one minute here. Can he hear me? Did he just answer my question as I thought it? "Yes." He repeats and answers my mental questions again.

_Am I telepathic?_ I ask him, wondering what planet I have just been beamed upon.

"Jessica Burnside." The great chief begins to approach me slowly and cautiously. Suddenly, a sense of calm rushes over my entire body, and I find myself hanging on his every last word. "I have chosen you, my child, for a very special purpose. I have caused your body to undergo an amazing transformation over the course of the past few weeks." You can say that again. "Our people, the Quileutes, speak of great men who can transform themselves into wolves . . ."

_Is that what I have become? Am I a wolf?_ I send out to him through my thoughts, hoping that he will answer all of my burning questions.

"Yes, Jessica. You are what the pale-faced men called a werewolf or shapeshifter. You may change into a wolf when you experience strong, intense emotions—anger, fear, anguish. It is something you must learn to control." Ephraim's eyes peer into mine, and I now realize that his feet are now hovering about a foot above the ground.

_Why did I change just now? I didn't have either of those emotions._

"Ah, but you did, my child." The spirit's expression is now blank. "They have been building up inside you over the past few weeks. You have experienced fear, hurt, anger, lust, doubt—they all have been there." He reaches out his glowing hand as if to touch my face, but swiftly pulls it back. "You are now physically superior to man—strong, fast, able to heal quickly after injury . . ."

My mind recalls the incident in gym class earlier that day, marveling at the fact that my nose completely healed itself in only a matter of minutes. _So, all the legends Jake told me when we were little were true? Are there more like me?_

"In time, there will be, but for now." Ephraim's spirit begins to flicker almost like a TV screen with a poor satellite signal. "Only you, my child."

_But why me? I'm nothing special._ I can't possibly fathom why he would choose me to be the first one of my kind. Wait. _Am I the first?_

"No, my child." Suddenly, the spirit's image morphs into three other figures—all donned in ceremonial Quileute dress. "Back when I was the leader of our people, there were three shapeshifters—myself, Quil Ateara, Sr., and Levi Uley, your great-grandfather."

Whoa! Reverse that. I'm a _Uley_. I'm related to Sam. What the fuck? I recognize the figure on the far right. He looks exactly like my father, but my dad never told me we were related to Sam's family. I'm totally confused now as if I hadn't been already at the thought of becoming a damn wolf.

"You are quite right, Jessica." Ephraim affirms my ancestry, and then the picture before me shifts back to Ephraim's form. "Your father never told you because he didn't know himself. The name of Burnside was gifted to your grandfather, Levi's illegitimate son, by his mother."

My granddaddy Burnside was an illegitimate child of Sam's ancestor. Damn it! This is just fucked-the-hell up. But he still hasn't answered my foremost question. _Why me? Why now?_

"Because, my child, you have been toying with the fate of our tribe and our people. In the near future, our people will need protection, and I will need to appoint a new leader—an Alpha male if you will—to carry out and eradicate this threat." As he relays his plan, my heart lodges in my throat, and I can hardly breathe.

_Who is this Alpha you speak of?_

"Jessica, you already know in your heart the answer to that very question." The spirit speaks with conviction, and I know immediately who the new Alpha male is to be.

_Jacob. Am I right?_

"Yes, my child." A smile widens on the spirit's visage.

_But what does that have to do with me? Am I supposed to help Jacob in some way? Am I to be his wife one day?_ My heart swells at the notion, and I'm hopeful that the spirit will confirm my dreams.

"Jessica." His smile flips into a frown. "The answer to your first question is yes. You will need to help Jacob along the way. Protect him, so to speak." He pauses and looks passed me at the trees behind me. "The answer to your second question is no. You will not be his wife."

_NO! I won't marry him?_ Stabbing pains begin to course their way through my newly-acquired wolf body. I am crying, weeping at the very notion that I am not destined to be with Jake. A gaping hole is now branded on my soul—a hollow void that will never be filled. I almost feel rage starting to build inside me. _Who do you think you are, telling me that I can't marry Jake? How do you know that he doesn't want to marry me?_

"You may not understand this now, Jessica." Ephraim's haunting voice tries to console me amongst my sadness and anger. "But the very moment Jacob met Isabella Swan, the future destiny of our tribe and our people was set into motion."

BELLA! DAMN IT! That's why Jake feels such a connection to her. He's supposed to marry _her_! That bitch!

"My child, this is not a time to be angry. Jacob and Isabella's connection is to be revealed in time. But through their connection, a new treaty will be made, an alliance between two ancient enemy clans." The spirit's light is starting to flicker once more. "I do not have much time left, and I must tell you why I have chosen you, my child."

I can barely even think straight now, but I try to focus on the great chief's words.

"My great-grandson is in love with you, Jessica. I have seen your face in his mind. He has dreams of making you his wife and the mother of his children someday." His words hit me like a thousand painful, stabbing knives, penetrating my heart. But they could not compare to the sheer numbness I feel when he utters his next statement. "That is _not_ his destiny."

_What about my destiny? Don't I deserve to be happy and with the one I love?_

"Yes, my child. But the more Jacob falls in love with you, the bleaker our future as a people becomes. That is the one reason I have chosen you to become the first wolf and consequently it has made you barren. The two of you creating a child would only complicate the plans I have for my great-grandson."

_Barren? Is that why I thought I was pregnant? Is that why I haven't had my period? Because some ghost made me pre-menopausal?_ I can feel the fur—shit, I have fur—on my back stand on end.

"Jessica, do not let this anger you. Look at this as a great opportunity—an opportunity to help Jacob fulfill his destiny as Alpha and to aid in the future of your people."

Before I know it, I collapse to the grass below, and unexpectedly I return back to human form. Noticing that I am completely nude, I begin to frantically conceal my nakedness with my palms.

"Your parents are close. They will arrive home within several minutes." The spirit's hand reaches out to me again, but this time his hand brushes against my chin. His touch feels like the cool air that kisses your cheeks when you open a freezer in the dead of summer. It sends shivers down my spine. "Please, Jessica, if you love Jacob, you will set him free. A greater love awaits you. One you cannot possibly imagine . . . "

With those final words, the long-lost image of Ephraim Black fades from my view with the breeze of the night.

I rise up from my crouched position and wonder how I will be able to complete the burdensome task set out before me by my ancestor. Somehow, I am a shapeshifter, a new protector of my tribe. I must break it off with Jake, my Jake. The one person I have longed to be with this past year. The one person I cannot bear to live without. The one person who makes me feel special, complete, and loved. And somehow, I must now persuade him to pursue Bella Swan—the one person I would gleefully toss into the fiery pit of hell.

How can I possibly live through this? Even knowing that a "greater love" awaits me in the future? How can I possibly find a greater love than Jacob Black?

**Attn: Please review and thanks for reading!**


	23. Chapter 23

**Jacob Have I Loved**

**Chapter 23**

Bolting through the lush forest of La Push toward my house, I hope and pray that I can make it home before my parents. I feel as if a heavy weight—almost as heavy as the weight of the world—has been placed unsteadily upon my shoulders. It is a load I never wished to bear, something I never asked for in the first place. I begin to consider the fact that I possibly might be going insane. Having just turned into a hairy monster and conversed with the dead, I would have to say I'm getting pretty close to donning my first straight jacket and calling a padded room my new humble abode. No one in their right mind would believe the things I have just seen, heard, and experienced. There is no one I can talk to about my newly discovered ability to morph into a wolf. They would have me committed then and there.

Luckily, I reach my house before my parents arrive home from work. Thankfully, it is now evening, and no one can see that I am completely nude. Hopefully, there won't be any blurry news footage on the nightly news of a streaker through the woods or sightings of Bigfoot tonight. I speedily unlock the back door with the spare key hidden under the doormat and dart up the stairs to my bedroom.

Throwing on my velour bathrobe and flipping on my stereo, I fall to comfort of my pillows. The slow, melodic rhythm emanating from the speakers provides a warm, comforting blanket of solace around me. I begin to sob as the full realization of everything I have endured the past few days hits me in those precious moments. The possibility that I could be a teenage mother, Bella's prom, the road trip to Port Angeles, those blissful moments in the cave with Jake, the nightmare that awaited me in the forest as I walked home . . .

My life was perfect until about thirty minutes ago. I was hopelessly and irrevocably in love with my Jacob, making passionate, rapturous love to him in our personal heaven. Now, I am a shapeshifter—a damn werewolf—a fate I never wanted—a figment of the old, scary stories belonging to my tribe. It is my destiny to point Jake in the right direction and to urge him to vie for Bella's affections. She is nothing to me; Jake is everything to me. Why should I care what her future might bring? Why doesn't she stay with Edward and have little vampire bats? I let out a small chuckle at my last thought. I know the Cullens aren't really vampires, but I go for the joke anyway.

The joy from my laughter only lasts for a brief moment, and my pity party resumes, swallowing me whole, plunging me further into despair.

After several minutes of feeling sorry for myself, the somber song on the radio ends, and a new one begins:

_"Dark in the city, night is a wire. Steam in the subway, earth is a fire . . ."_

Great. Just my luck. "Hungry Like the Wolf" by some eighties band. What the FUCK? The irony of the whole situation makes me want to grab my father's rifle from the gun cabinet downstairs and blow my brains to bits. Then, I wonder. If I'm practically invincible, would the bullet really kill me or ricochet right off my forehead? After what I've experienced tonight, anything is possible in my book.

I pry myself off my bed and silence my stereo, not wanting to remind myself that I am no longer fully human.

As I turn to grab a Kleenex to dry my flooded eyes, the phone resounds, making my heart almost skip a beat in alarm. I place a hand on my heart and let out a short breath of relief, escaping the peace of my bedroom to answer it downstairs.

"I'm coming! Keep your pants on!" I rush down the hallway and lift the phone from its cradle. "Hello?"

"May I speak with Jessica please?" A somewhat familiar female voice responds.

"This is Jessica." I answer, trying to place the voice with a face in my head.

"Jessica, this is Dr. Taggart—Christine from Family Planning. I have your blood test results." Dr. Christine's tone sounds hopeful and optimistic, but I already know what she's about to reveal. When I don't answer, she conveys, "The test was negative, meaning you're not pregnant for certain, Jessica."

Of course, I'm not pregnant. The freaking ghost of my ancestor had my damn tubes tied all for the sake of my people's future. Well, at least I will save money on the cost of tampons.

"Hello? Hello? Jessica, are you still there?" The doctor attempts to wake me from my derisive thoughts.

"I'm here, Dr. Taggart." I stammer out the words, trying to sound somewhat elated at her news. "I'm glad."

"Jessica, there is something else." Oh, no! My blood has morphed into tiny wolves, and they're now wreaking havoc and trashing her testing labs. I must be going crazy to think these silly thoughts. "It appears . . . your blood . . . seems to be . . . well, um . . . Nevermind, Jessica. It's nothing to worry about." A short pause. A deep breath. "Goodnight, Jessica. I hope I won't be seeing you at the clinic ever again. Remember what I told you."

The line goes dead, and I stand there stunned, the phone frozen in my hand at her last statement. She's found something strange in my blood. Maybe, Dr. Taggart found out that I've undergone some kind of transformation. Maybe, my blood is now similar to that of a canine—or worse yet. Could it possibly be genetically advanced like Spiderman or mutated like the X-Men? I am certain of one thing though. I don't want to call her back and find out. No one wants to become a lab rat.

"Jessica, we're home." I hear my mother's greeting as she opens the front door. Great. They're both home at the same time.

My mom sees me standing in the hallway with the phone in my hand, and I hurriedly replace it back on the receiver.

"Who was that on the phone, Jess?" My dad's question sounds more like an accusation than a request.

"Telemarketer." I lie through my teeth, not desiring another addition to my "until further notice" sentence.

"Mel, I thought we were on the 'do-not-call list.' " My dad's attention is now diverted to my mother.

Seeing it as an opportunity to escape from their prying demeanor, I turn to make my way back down the hall.

"Jessica, honey, your father and I need to have a talk with you for a few minutes." I freeze on the stairs. Perfect. As if my night couldn't get any worse, my parents want to have a talk. God only knows what it could be about.

"Yes, Jess. Would you mind coming into the living room please?" My father's voice contains almost a hint of sadness, and I know that this conversation is not going to end with me getting the keys to a brand, new Mustang convertible. Damn it!

Reluctantly, I trudge my path into the living room and plop myself into my dad's leather recliner. He's had this chair for ages—as long as I can remember. It smells slightly of tobacco and peppermint, the memory-conjuring scent that always reminds me of sitting on my father's lap as a child.

"Jess." My father begins as they both take a seat together on the sofa opposite the chair—the same couch that holds other bittersweet memories of Jake and I . . . my thoughts start to slip away from me. "We have some news to tell you."

Oh, God! My eyes open wide in shock. I'm going to be a big sister! Damn it! Why now? Oh, yeah, great. I know why. Live-in babysitter. I imagine my fingers pointing at myself. Yours truly right here.

"Jess, I've been promoted to branch manager at my office." Whew. My dad's words make me release a sigh of overwhelming relief.

"That's great, Dad." I congratulate him, forming a broad smile on my face. I really am happy for my parents. A promotion means more money, more security for our family.

"That's not all though, Jessica." My mom interrupts my joyful ponderings.

"What do you mean?" A lump begins to lodge its way into my throat. I search my dad's face for an answer, and I know something completing life-altering is about to be unveiled.

"The office they want me to run is in Sacramento." My dad looks at me, then at my mother, and then back to me, trying to gauge my reaction.

"Sacramento? As is California? As in two states away?" I am in utter shock, my hands beginning to violently shake. That means I will have to move away from my school, my friends, my tribe, my *loud gulp* Jake. Damn you, Ephraim Black! As crazy as the notion may sound, I know he is behind this! He's working some voodoo magic to get me as far away as possible from Jake.

"Yes. I've already discussed the matter with the tribal council, and Billy spoke up for me. They have left the decision up to me—well, us as a family. They said they would support us no matter what we choose." My dad peers at me with his full attention, obviously seeking my approval of the move. "They know this is a great opportunity for our family."

I'm left speechless and unable to move. I have to force myself to blink, so they won't hurt from staring blankly at our family portrait positioned beside the front window. My hands are still shaking, and I hope I won't wolf out right in front of them.

My mom, noticing my trance-like state, continues, "They want your father to start in mid-July, which means we will have to move as soon as . . ."

"School gets out." I finish her statement as if I can read her every thought at the moment.

She nods to affirm those three haunting words. My heart is downtrodden, and the weight of the world begins to tumble down at my feet.

"We're sorry this is such short notice, Jess, but we wanted to run it by you before I accept the promotion." My father is now kneeling beside me, his hand on my right knee. "We want to make sure you are okay with it."

What do I tell him? No, don't take this job? I want to stay here and be with my friends and Jake? I couldn't possibly do that. That is completely selfish on my part. My dad should take this promotion. The tribal council is right. This is a great opportunity indeed for the Burnside family.

"Yes, Dad." I speak through my teeth, trying with all my might to mask my melancholy. "You should take the job."

My dad sighs, a slight grin forming on his face, and pats my knee twice before standing up. "Thank you, Jess."

"Now, that's settled! Let's eat! I brought home Chinese takeout." My mom's excitement makes the nausea return to my stomach.

I languidly empty my father's chair in almost a zombie-like state, heading for the stairs.

"Jess, are you okay?" My mom's hands are on my shoulders from behind.

"I'm just not hungry, Mom." I falsely reveal my feelings and ignore the rumblings in my stomach, gripping the banister like a lifeline. "I've got lots of homework to do."

With nothing left to say, I race up the stairs, leaving her at the foot of the steps. Over the course of twenty-four hours, my life has undergone some drastic changes. I hope with all that is within me that I will awake tomorrow and find that I have another chance to live today.

**Attn: For those of you wondering, this is a canon story, which means it is meant to follow the storyline of the Twilight Saga. As we discovered in the last chapter, Jess is not meant to end up with Jacob, but a "greater love awaits" her. Stay tuned and see who it will be. Please review! :D**


	24. Chapter 24

**Jacob Have I Loved**

**Chapter 24**

The following Saturday afternoon, I find myself unenthusiastically helping my mom box up our belongings for the move to California. I have been avoiding Jake for the past few days, and I know he senses something is up with me. He's been waiting for me after my classes and has even passed notes to me through our friends. The letters all pose the same question: "Why aren't you talking to me?" I know it's wrong to just push him aside like this when we had the best possible moment the other evening. It was probably the best moment of my entire life, making love to him in our cave. It was so beautiful, so right. And then some apparition of my ancestor told me we weren't meant to be together and turned me into a freaking werewolf. Just thinking about the drastic changes in my life over the past few days makes me want to off myself. Believe me. I've thought about it more than once (five times actually) this week.

At night, I've been crying myself to sleep, unable to move from the solace of my bed. I have to force my rigid body out of my bed in the mornings and don a happy grin for my parents' sake. It would hurt them to know how much pain I've been in, sulking over the relocation to Sacramento. My mom even commented at dinner last night that she was glad I was taking everything so well. She confessed that she half expected me to put up a fight. If only she knew the inner anguish coursing through the chambers of my heart . . . I am about to leave everything behind: my school, my friends, my tribe, my Jake, my _life_.

Speaking of my friends, Stephenie is all torn to pieces over my family's move. She about balled her eyes out when I told her the next day at school, and she even threatened to shackle herself to the railing on my front porch in protest the day we leave. I kissed her on the cheek and gave her a long, much-needed hug. We held each other as we mourned the new strain on our friendship and realized that it may inevitably be the end of our "best friends forever" status. I warned her not to tell Jake or our other friends just yet. I want to be the one to tell Jake on my own. I just need to find the right time and the right place. Something in my gut tells me that he already knows since Billy is the one who spoke up for my dad at tribal council.

After consoling one another, Steph immediately began to gossip about our little pack of friends. Quil and Lindz split the night of the prom. Supposedly, she caught Quil with another girl under the bleachers during the dance and practically beat the shit out of him before lunging at the girl. Steph said the girl's name was Emz or something like that, but Lindz just called her "the Nuttie." Man, I love Lindz, and I wish we could have been more than acquaintances. She seems to be my type of girl.

Julie broke it off with Jared after that night too, stating that she couldn't date someone who socialized with cheaters. The ole "it takes one to know one" attitude. Anyway, I've heard she's quite the "vixenous bitch" as Jared put it so bluntly one time. Jared quickly moved onto some senior named Andrea. He must really like this girl, Stephenie said, because he's been avoiding Steph and our other friends ever since they started dating. I told her it may be because he's older than us and he wants to be around people his own age.

Sam Uley, my "cousin," has also been avoiding us like the plague, and he even stared me down as I walked by his house after I got off the bus yesterday. He had this evil ass smirk on his face as his eyes followed me. I hope he doesn't want to get with me; Leah would be heartbroken if she knew. Jake's jealousy would be even worse.

I've been so worried about the nonexistent pregnancy, my elevated rank on the food chain, and packing that I haven't even noticed that Steph has lost all interest in Embry. He "moves too slow," she said. Poor Embry. He's such a sweet guy, and all Steph has on her mind is losing her V-card. I hope Embry finds someone who moves at the same speed someday.

Maybe, all of this is happening for a reason, and our circle of friends is parting ways. I guess it's for the best that I just let my friends go. A clean break. A new start.

The wolf thing? Well, I haven't changed or whatever the hell you want to call it since that Tuesday night. I've felt the urge several times—the burning, the itching—almost like my skin was about to burst at the pores. On Wednesday, one of the senior girls, Joy, made some witty remark about the way my hair was styled at school between first and second period. I gripped the opened door of my locker so hard that it bent under the force of my fingers. Joy just stared wide-eyed at the damaged steel locker as I swiftly bent it back before heading off to gym class. She didn't even meet my gaze the rest of the day. The wolfy strength does have its advantages at times—such as bitch repellent.

After assisting my mother pack up the entire living room—all of our books, family pictures, and knick knacks, I traipse up the stairs to my bedroom to take a quick rest before we move onto the next room in house. To distract myself from the myriad of thoughts consuming my brain, I pull out my Sookie Stackhouse novel and engross myself within its pages. Man, that Lafayette cracks me up. Not to mention, one of the characters, Sam, is a shapeshifter like me. He even takes on the shape of a dog. Irony is such a beautiful bitch sometimes.

_Knock. Knock._ My super-duper wolf hearing picks up the small poundings on my front door. Then, footsteps. . . the door creaking open . . . a familiar voice . . .

"Mr. Burnside." Jake's husky words jumpstart my heart, and it begins to pump my blood with vigor.

"Jake, you know to call me David." I can almost picture the wary look on my dad's face as he eyes my sex partner—I mean, my boyfriend. I can virtually sense the antagonism he must have for Jake now that he knows what we've done together. I can only imagine him rolling his eyes and thinking, _You put your hands on my daughter and if you ever do it again I'll castrate you._ "What can I do for you, Jake?"

"Well, um." I hear Jake gulp down his fear as he begins. "My dad has an extra ticket to the Mariners game today. Charlie can't go for some reason. And I was wondering if Jess might like to go with us."

A Mariners game! I love watching baseball live, but the thought of watching it with Jake makes me feel a little queasy. I tuck my bookmark carefully between the pages of my novel and hurriedly race to the window facing the driveway. Pulling back the curtains, I notice Harry Clearwater's black Ford parked out front. I can make out the image of Harry sitting in the driver's seat and Billy positioned beside him.

As I glance out the window, I hear my dad release a sigh and submit. "Come in, Jake. Make yourself at home. I'll be right back."

Frantically, I jump back on my bed, fumbling with my book to make it appear as if I haven't been eavesdropping on the conversation downstairs.

"Knock. Knock." My dad says as he knocks, further disclosing my door and inviting himself into my bedroom. "Jake's downstairs, Jess. He wants to take you to the Mariners game."

As my father sits down at the foot of my bed, I realize that my book is turned upside down. I quickly toss it to the side.

"I thought I was grounded until further notice." I mockingly tease him, forcing a smile.

"Me too, but . . ." My soul fills with hope at his words. "I know the move isn't going to be easy for you, so today I'm giving you notice. How's that sound?"

I instantly throw my arms around my sire and give him the tightest hug I've ever given anyone. He's just bestowed me with the greatest gift he could ever give me. I love him so much for that.

"Thanks, Dad." I gently whisper as my head lay on his shoulder.

"You're welcome, darling." He pulls back and dries my tears. "I know you were upset when we didn't get season tickets this year." He takes a deep breath. "And I know that you and Jake are close, maybe too close for my taste, but I can see in his eyes how much he cares for you. I know he's a good guy and he's not taking advantage of my baby girl. He's the best guy for you I could have ever hoped for."

My heart sinks. Jake _is_ a good guy, and now I'm going to have to play the Joker to his Batman, the Lex Luthor to his Superman, breaking his heart to bits over this damn "destiny" shit. The tears come even faster as these thoughts overwhelm me.

"Jess, please don't cry. I'm sorry I'm making you leave everything you care about because of my job. It's not fair to you. It really isn't." My dad's words melt me in that moment. I feel so special to be called his daughter and even more honored to call him my father.

"Dad, really. I know this is important to you. I totally understand." I try to make him feel better, but the pained look on his face sends aches to my chest.

"Well, Jake's waiting downstairs." My dad pushes himself off the bed and stands. "Now, get out of here before I change my mind." His chuckles echo off my walls as he exits the room.

Nervously, I begin to undress and rummage through my drawers for my Mariners T-shirt. Finally finding it, I pull it over my body and grab my matching baseball cap from my bedpost. I position it perfectly on my head, lacing my hair already in a ponytail through the hole in the back. Damn, I am one good-looking bitch in a hat! I laugh quietly to myself. The fleeting moments of laughter help to numb the uneasiness I feel about the impending game and the possibility of it being the last time Jake and I share a date together.

I step into my mules and retrieve my purse from my nightstand before heading down the stairs to meet Jake.

As I reach the bottom step, I spy Jake standing in the living room, his back turned to me. Upon hearing my footsteps on the stairs, he spins around, and a smile broadens on his face. The sight of his beautiful face almost makes me faint right there, but I catch myself on the banister.

"Hey, slugger, I thought you were avoiding me." Jake greets me, walking toward me. When I don't answer, he changes the subject. "Hey, we match, Jess." I'm too busy staring at his gorgeous face to notice that we are wearing the exact same Mariners shirt. "I guess that means it's meant to be." His joke makes me smile half-heartedly, for I know in my heart that it's not true.

Why? Because damn Casper the Fucking Friendly Ghost told me so. That's why. Damn it all to hell.

"Let's just go, Jake." I take his hand and lug him out the front door, hearing my mom call "Have fun!" just as the screen door slams shut behind us.

Once inside the backseat of the Ford—the same place Jake and I you know—Harry pivots his head and exclaims, "Hello, Jessica. It's been awhile."

"Hi, Harry." I softly reply as Jake tightens his grip of my hand.

"Jess?" Billy questions, turning his body slightly to look at me in the backseat.

"Yes, Billy." I answer, not even looking up to acknowledge him. Some part of me blames him for the dilemma I'm in. I secretly wish he would have objected to my father moving our family off the reservation.

Billy exhales noisily and faces the front again as Harry revs the engine. "Nothing. It's nothing."

The car ride to Seattle is quite uneventful besides the stares Harry keeps stealing at me in the rearview mirror. Even Billy keeps turning his head ever so often to glace at me out of his peripherals. The unreadable expressions on their faces are making me a little befuddled and anxious. What the hell? Am I being punk'd or something? Are they really taking me to a game? Or are they planning to murder me and leave me dead on the side of the road?

Once we arrive at the ballpark and have our tickets scanned at the entrance, my stomach begins to annoying growl until the pain is almost unbearable. I break Jake's vice grip on my hand and press it to my stomach. One of the many drawbacks of being a damn wolf—extreme hunger.

"Are you okay, Jess?" I can tell by the look in his eyes that he is worried about me, judging from the fact that I've had nausea for the past week or so. "Can I get you something?"

"Just a little hungry." I smile at him, taking back his hand.

"Be right back." Jake kisses me on the cheek and heads toward the refreshment stand.

"Let's go find our seats, Jessica." Billy wheels up beside me in his chair. "Jake is a big boy. He'll find us."

"Ok." I reluctantly follow my two elders into the stands, feeling the nervousness well up inside my being. Having to be alone with the both of them makes me a little apprehensive.

Then, it hits me. Maybe they know about the whole wolf thing. Shit! What am I going to say if they ask? Lie through my teeth, that's what. They're not getting shit out of me.

"Here we are." Harry says as he helps Billy roll into the handicap seat at the end of the row. "Ladies first." He offers me the choice of the three remaining seats, and I take the furthest of the trio. I don't want to willingly place myself in the middle of their staring contest.

"Jess!" Jake returns after several minutes. Thank God! I thought for a minute that Billy and Harry's eyes were going to bug out from their sockets the way they kept gawking at me when they should be watching the diamond. Jake settles beside me on my left, handing me a hot dog (with just ketchup and mustard) and a large soda cup. "Here you go, Jess."

"Thanks, Jake." I thank him further with a grin, scarfing down the entire wiener in three bites. Then, I open the lid of the drink, forgetting the straw, and chug the full sixteen ounces in one long gulp.

I lower the cup from my lips and notice all three of my companions with their mouths agape, marveling at my haste to finish my snack. I wipe my mouth and feel the blush of embarrassment flood my cheeks. "What? I was hungry." They quickly focus their attention back toward the field.

Repositioning myself in my seat, I feel Jake's right arm settle around my shoulders. He leans over and whispers in my ear, "That was kind of sexy."

The warmth of his breath on my neck turns my skin to gooseflesh. I have half a mind to pull him toward the dugout at the end of the first inning and have a little _Fast Times at Ridgemont High_ moment. Instead, I tilt my body forward, pretending to watch the local celebrity throw out the first pitch. I hear the quiet sound of Jake pull his arm back.

"Jake, you really shouldn't have spent any money on me. I know you want to get that master cylinder for your Rabbit." I keep my eyes on the field and watch the first batter, a Mariner, strike out.

"That's ok." Jake sighs, rubbing my shoulder. "You're a better investment anyway."

Turning to give him a smile, I feel the soothing heat of his hands interlace with mine, and my soul soars with happiness, numbing the pain for a few fleeting moments.

"Jess?" I break my gaze at Jake and look at Harry. "Please tell me you're not going to betray us and become an Athletics or Giants fan when you move."

"Move?" Jake jumps as if he has been startled and shoots me a look of bewilderment. "What does he mean, Jess?"

"She hasn't told you?" Billy joins the conversation, looking at his son in wonder.

"Told me what?" I know it sounds strange, but I can hear the drumming of Jake's heart as he speaks. "The Giants? You're moving to California, Jess? I heard your dad was promoted, but . . ."

The expression on Jake's face breaks my heart. He looks like he has just lost his best friend—well, his girlfriend in this case. I want to wrap my arms around him and never let him go. It pains me to see him so upset at Harry and Billy's announcement.

I nod to answer his question, biting my lower lip. Damn, I wish I could go back and distract Harry from ruining my evening. I hate that Jake had to find out this way.

"Wow." Jake mumbles, bending forward to put his head in his hands. That is the only word he utters the entire nine innings . . .

**Attn: Aww, poor Jake. Please review! Thanks for reading.**


	25. Chapter 25

**Jacob Have I Loved**

**Chapter 25**

"Here we are, Jessica." Harry says as he pulls his black car into my driveway. The baseball game is now long forgotten. I can't even remember if the Mariners won or not. Some game.

"Thanks, Harry. You too, Billy." I place my hand on the passenger side door handle—the same one I broke off several weeks ago. Memories flood my mind. Bittersweet memories that I will never have again. I look over at Jake before exiting the car, but he doesn't even seem to notice I'm there. I feel an overwhelming sadness take over my heart. "Well, goodnight then."

I steal one last glance at Jake as images of our past together scar my mind. What have I done? I've broken his heart beyond repair—dismantled his very soul. I don't even deserve to be in his presence.

_A clean break_. I tell myself, fighting back the tears.

"Dad, would you mind if I walked home tonight?" My hand freezes on the door handle. Jake has finally spoken after four hours of silence. "I would like to talk to Jess for a few minutes."

"Sure, Jake." Billy reaches over and pats his son on the shoulder. "I'm sure you two have a lot to talk about."

Abruptly, Jake opens his door and slams it shut. Great. He's furious with me. I guess it's what I deserve for not telling him sooner about the move to Sacramento.

Replacing my fingers on the handle, I feel Harry's warm hand on my shoulder.

"Jess, I'm sorry." Harry doesn't even need to apologize. I'm the guilty one here, but I'm grateful for his gesture nonetheless. Then, he speaks under his breath, "For everything."

_For everything?_ I wonder what Harry could possibly mean by those last two words. Does he know something he's not telling me? I decide to not push the issue. Jake is my priority right now.

"That's ok, Harry." A single tear trickles down my left cheek, and I quickly brush it away. "Goodnight. Thanks for the game."

I exit the car and shut my door, walking over to where Jake now stands on the edge of the forest. I want to wrap my arms around him and tell him that I love him, that I don't want to go to California, that I want to stay with him forever. But I know that's based only on my feelings, not reality. We are not meant to be together, and it cuts down to the core every time I think about it.

"Jake, I can explain." As I speak, Jake turns around, and I can discern from the redness of his eyes that he has been crying. My heart shatters into a thousand pieces. This is going to be much harder than I thought.

"Jess, how long have you known about this?" Jake's voice is just above a whisper almost as if he is trying to force the words from his mouth.

"Just for a few days." I swallow, trying to keep my heart from regurgitating up my throat. "I wanted to tell you sooner. It's just . . ."

Before I can finish what I have to say, Jake pulls me to him, kissing me with the utmost urgency. I sense the grief mixed with misery in the taste of his lips. But there is also desire. A desire to keep what he loves. I can taste it in his tears.

"Jess, I can't lose you." Jake breaks off from my lips, breathless.

I pull him closer to me, letting the incredible heat of his body comfort me. How can I deny my love for him? What the fuck am I doing? Can't I change the course of the future? Who cares about destiny? Why can't we make our own?

"We can make this work." Jake releases me, cupping his hands around my face. "We can call and write and email . . ."

Taking his hands into mine, I let them go. They drop awkwardly to his sides as a dumbfounded look fills Jake's face. I sigh and take two steps back, feeling the previously-ingested hot dog begin to reverse its way back up my throat.

"Jake, I don't think we should see each other anymore." I look away from him, pinching my eyes together. My hands clench into fists, my nails almost digging into my palms. The burning itch starts rippling under my flesh. NO! I can't change in front of him. Then, he would totally freak out. I must stay under control.

After about a minute, Jake asks, "You're breaking up with me?"

_Breaking up._ I thought I would never see the day when Jake and I would part ways. But it's true in every sense of those two words. Our love is ending. I need to break it off now or never. A clean break.

"Yes." It's the only word I can manage to say. I put my head into my hands, and the waterworks begin.

I feel Jake's arms embrace me from behind as the tears moisten the palms of my hands. "Jess, we don't have to break up. We can make it work. We can." He squeezes me tightly as if he is trying to convince us both that a long distance relationship could last between us.

"But, Jake, we'll never see each other." I try to persuade him, hating myself for doing this to him.

"Yeah, but . . ." He spins me around to look into my eyes. "I don't have to see you to love you."

My heart absolutely melts at Jake's words. He truly loves me, and I am such a heinous bitch! FUCK! Damn you, Ephraim Black!

_Just do it already and get the hell out of here._ My brain screams at me. _The longer this takes the worse you'll hurt him._

I force the thoughts from my head and focus on Jake's beautiful eyes. They are piercing right through me like that day he held me in the freezing water after we jumped off the cliff, like that day we made the most beautiful, passionate love. I find myself completely under his spell.

Jake reaches his right hand around my waist and forcefully draws my body to his. I wrap my arms around his neck, feeling his lips start to explore my neck. I moan, relishing in the sensation rushing through my body. He's intoxicating me again. How will I ever survive in California without a fix from him?

"Come on." Jake releases me, taking my left hand and leading me deeper into the woods.

What am I doing? What am I doing? UGH!! _Wake up, Jessica! Wake up! You can't do this._

I mentally flog myself for letting him affect me in this way. But he is just too damn sexy, and I can't help myself.

After a few minutes, a clearing comes into view. Streams of moonlight streak down through the trees surrounding it.

As we enter the clearing, Jake pulls me to him again, crushing my lips with his. Before I know it, we are tugging at each other's clothing, and I can't control myself. I allow his hands to travel over my bare skin, to touch me in all the right places. I feel like such a whore, but I can't make myself stop. I'm drowning in him body and soul.

We collapse to the damp grass, completely nude. The warmth of his fingers on my breasts feels amazing. I reach down and gently stroke his manhood as he moves his right hand down to my waist. Jake plunges his middle finger into me, causing me to whimper in a mixture of pleasure and heartache. Heartache because I know this will be our last time together.

Twisting his finger inside me and reaching that perfect spot, Jake makes me climax after only several seconds.

"Oh, God, Jake. YES!" I scream into the night.

Jake then removes his finger and does something I never would have suspected. He places his middle finger in his mouth, sucking it free of all my wetness. Oh, God, that was so fucking sexy!

"Mmm." Jake approves of my taste, looking at me with those "fuck me" eyes.

I grab him by the shoulder with one arm while my other hand fastens around his raging hard-on. Jake adjusts himself so that he is between my legs, and I place him at my entrance.

"Jake, after tonight, I want you to forget about me." My half-hearted words cause Jake to raise his head in alarm.

"What are you saying, Jess?" Jake brushes my hand from his member and takes my face into his palms. "I could never forget you."

"Yes, you will. You will find someone else. She is waiting out there for you." I'm sobbing at this point. Not even believing the words that are rambling from my mouth. How can he believe such lies?

"I refuse to believe it, Jess. You're the only one I've ever wanted." Jake kisses me passionately on the lips, making me wetter, making it even harder for me to continue.

"You think that now, but . . . in time, you won't want me anymore." I force my words out amongst his kisses. He must listen to me!

"Jess, you are talking crazy!" Jake smiles, almost laughing at what I'm saying.

"Please, Jake." I take his hands from around my face and place them to my breasts. Jake looks down at the new position of his hands and then back up at my face. "Forget me."

"You're serious." He places his hands on either side of my body in the grass.

"Yes, Jake. I am." I try to convince myself as well. "Now, promise me."

"I can't promise that, Jess. I love you. I could never forget you." Jake's stubbornness radiates from his eyes as they look into mine. He's going to put up a fight for me. I should have known as much.

I've run out of words to say. Feeling defeated, I relax my back against the carpet-like grass and gaze up at the moon.

Suddenly, I feel the tickle of small kisses covering my neck again.

A seductive, husky voice begins to speak. "How can I forget this?"

Lips touch mine.

"Or this?"

The wetness of a tongue circles my left nipple.

"Or this?"

Kisses trace the path from my breasts to my waist.

"Or this?"

Jakes gently thrusts himself into me, filling me completely with his cock. I tangle my fingers into his long, black tresses as he makes love to me with the moon as our spotlight. My body feels almost numb. I try to feel the pleasure of him inside me, but I am greeted with only pain. It feels like stabbing knives are inside me. I gasp for breath, wanting to push him off of me, feeling helpless to tell him to stop.

"I love you, Jess." Jake whispers, tugging my ear with his teeth.

I can't bring myself to return his words. I'm not worthy enough to love him. Instead, I shut my eyes and command him, "Just fuck me, Jake. Fuck me. Don't stop."

Jake responsively moans at my words, thrusting harder into me. The burning pain is almost unbearable, but it is what I deserve. He has the right to hurt me like I have hurt him.

I take the growing agony without flinching until Jake finishes. He crumples on top of me, beads of sweat rolling off his forehead.

Finally, mustering up enough strength, I push him off of me.

"Jake, this is our last goodnight." I tell him, gritting my teeth. "It's over."

He grabs my shoulder and pulls me into his lap, frowning. With surrender in his tone, he confesses, "I was afraid you were going to say that."

And for several hours, we hold each other in one desperate embrace, crying onto one another's shoulders. This is truly our last goodnight. This is where our love ends.

**Attn: This was such a hard chapter to write, but I hope you at least tried to enjoy it. Please leave me your thoughts. In case you're wondering, this story isn't over quite yet. This chapter was inspired by "(The Symphony of) Blasé" by Anberlin. **


	26. Chapter 26

_I decided to write this next chapter in past tense instead of present tense just so it would flow better. In this chapter, we get to see just how Jessica helps Jacob & Bella become friends. Thanks so much for reading!_

**Jacob Have I Loved**

**Chapter 26**

A few weeks after that night with Jake, my family and I were all prepared for our move to Sacramento. The moving day went smoothly and without incident. Stephenie and I hugged and promised we would write, call, and email every day after I was settled in my new home. Even Billy and Harry came to wish us well on that dreadful day. Graciously, Harry helped my parents and I finish loading several of the larger pieces of furniture into our pair of medium-sized moving trucks. He also vowed to my dad that he would rent out the house to a newly-engaged couple on the reservation once we arrived in Sacramento.

As I stepped into the moving truck my mother was driving down to California, I stole a fleeting glimpse of Billy, my former boyfriend's father, as he waved at us from his wheelchair in our driveway. When he saw that I was looking at him, he stopped his hand in midair and gave me an apologetic smile. Somehow, I knew in my gut that Billy was sorry that all this had to happen and that Jake and I would be apart now. Since the night of our breakup, Jake and I hadn't spoken a word to each other. It was better that way. It was easier to let him go.

Settling in the passenger seat beside my mom, I took a deep breath and prepared myself to leave my home, my tribe, my people. My mother shifted the moving truck into drive and slowly pulled it out of our driveway, following behind my dad in the second moving truck. I closed my eyes as we entered the main stretch of road that would lead us away from La Push. This was really happening, and I tried to fight back the tears as the realization finally hit me in that moment.

"Jess, look out your rearview mirror." I heard my mom chuckle as I opened my eyes.

I looked out the window at the mirror only to see Jake hurriedly running after our moving truck. His long hair was pulled back into a ponytail, and he was wearing his favorite Aerosmith T-shirt. Rolling the window down, I gave my fingers a light kiss and pressed them to the mirror.

"I love you, Jake." I whispered as I watched him continue to run after our truck. I wished with all my might that I could've stopped the truck and ran into his arms, telling him that I was staying, that I would never leave him. My heart broke again for us both. This was the last time I would ever see him.

Then, suddenly, he stopped, realizing he couldn't catch up to us and sinking down to the pavement on his knees. I continued to watch Jake until I saw his form disappear when our moving truck pulled around a bend in the road.

* * *

In Sacramento, my parents and I were settled in our new home rather quickly. It was smaller than our house in La Push, only one story, but it was large enough for the three of us. We would be able to afford a better home in a few years, my dad assured me. It really didn't matter to me. Everything I cared about was almost a thousand miles away now.

When September came around, I attended my first day in a regular public school. My new school was fairly nice, and unlike my school on the reservation, I was able to take more advanced classes in math, science, and English. The advanced classes were much more challenging, but that didn't really matter much to me as well. I was happy to have school work to occupy my time and my mind. I was happy to not have to think about making new friends or You-Know-Who twenty-four hours of the day.

Sometimes at night, I would run out into the woods behind our house and change into my wolf form. Something about being in wolf form made the hurt of losing my former home more tolerable. I felt freer, and I relished in the fact that I was the only one of my kind for now. However, some part of me wished I could have found more shapeshifters like myself to identify with and associate with. I felt so much like an outsider around the other students at school. No one could really understand what I was going through, and that made my soul ache more for my home in La Push.

Then, one night in mid-January, I awoke from a very vivid dream. In the dream, Ephraim Black came to me again. He told me that it was now time for me to help Jake on his quest once last time. I was to go back to La Push and somehow thrust Bella in his direction. I relayed that it was nearly impossible for me to do that since I didn't have a car and my parents wouldn't let me travel on a plane by myself.

"You forget Jessica that you are a wolf." Ephraim informed me. "You are now capable of moving faster than any car."

I thought about that for a minute, and he was right. "I can travel in my wolf form, but what will I do when I get to Forks?"

"You will have to figure that out for yourself, Jessica." He replied. "Edward Cullen has left Forks, and Bella is looking for a way to be reckless, almost dangerous in his absence. You must point her in a direction that will lead her to Jacob."

"What do you mean she wants to be reckless? Jake can't help her with that." I snapped back, not believing that Jake was capable of being dangerous.

"Jessica, I have faith that you will be successful." Ephraim's form began to flicker, and I knew he didn't have much time left. "Go to Forks tomorrow. Bella will be working at Newtons' Olympic Outfitters."

"Ok, I will." I confirmed, and Ephraim's apparition quickly faded from view.

* * *

The next day, I set out for Forks in my wolf form, traveling along the wooded highways, so that I wouldn't be detected. To keep my parents from worrying, I told them that I was going out with friends for the remainder of the day. Around my neck, I carried a small, canvas messenger bag filled with a change of clothes, shoes, and my wallet. I had no idea what I was going to do when I arrived in Forks, but I did know that I would do anything within my power to make sure that Jake was happy. It was the least I could do after all the hurt and pain I put him through last summer.

Upon reaching Forks, I changed back to human form and dressed. I decided if I was going to adequately get around in the town I would have to rent a car. After finding a payphone and calling a rental company, I acquired a small, hatchback automobile that I would use to help carry out my plan for Bella and Jake.

I reached Newtons' Olympic Outfitters in the early afternoon, and I parked my car in an unassuming spot toward the rear of the store. Spying Billy's old, red truck in the parking lot, the one he sold to Bella's dad last year, I knew that she was working just inside. I hurried around the left side of the store under the canopy of pouring-down rain and peeked into the large, rectangular windows, hoping to catch a glimpse of her.

As I peered into one of the windows, I heard a male voice say, "Bella, why don't you take off."

"I don't mind staying." I recognized Bella's voice reply.

I moved down one more window, and there she was, leaning over the display counter beside the register. Bella looked for lack of a better term—horrible. I'd never seen her look so pale, skinny, and frail. She looked lifeless, and then I remembered Ephraim saying that Edward's family had left Forks. Maybe, Edward broke up with her, causing her to become a shell of who she once was. I knew Bella was completely smitten with Edward, and his absence probably plunged her into a deep pit of despair. What she needed now was a friend. Someone who could pull her out of her state of loneliness. Someone like . . . Jake.

"See you Monday." Bella's voice awoke me from my thoughts.

Observing that she was coming toward the entrance to the store, I crouched down under the window and listened for her footsteps. Her feet pounded the puddles toward her truck, and I raced back to my rental car, still trying to remain undetected. I heard the roar of her truck's engine spring to life just as I entered the shelter of the hatchback.

As I pulled my car out the parking lot behind her, I noticed a bumper sticker on a blue, mid-sized truck to my left. It read: "Sometimes, kismet happens." I had to laugh at the irony of its words. Kismet meant destiny or fate, and it was my destiny to point Bella in Jake's direction. I still had no idea how I was going to do that exactly. I hoped something would give me a sign as I followed Bella's truck down the path to her home.

Then, I realized that Bella wasn't going home. Her truck kept turning down roads that were unfamiliar to me and looped around aimlessly in circles. What the hell was she doing? Did she know I was following her?

Unsure of what her true intentions were, I decided to keep a wider distance between our vehicles just to be cautious. I didn't want her to call her father and have me arrested for stalking her, which was exactly what I was doing.

Unexpectedly, Bella's red truck came to a halt on a street called Russell Avenue. I remembered traveling down this street before many years ago with my parents on our way into Forks for some reason or another. I pulled my car to the side of the road about a hundred yards away from Bella's position and waited, watching her truck for any signs that she was going to exit the car.

What the hell was she doing? Was she going to visit a friend who lived nearby?

The suspense was about to kill me when something caught my eye. Two rusty, rundown motorcycles were sitting in the front yard of one of the houses with a sign attached to them: FOR SALE, AS IS.

Knowing that Jake and Embry loved working with cars and motorbikes, I started to devise a plan. Bella wanted to do something reckless and dangerous. If I could get Bella to notice the bikes, maybe she would think of Jake. Maybe, she would take them to him for repair. I finally had my sign.

I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath, and then reopened them. Rummaging through the glove compartment of the rental car, I found a black permanent marker. I tucked it into the pocket of my jeans and cautiously began to exit the car. Crouching low, I moved slowly toward Bella's truck and eventually found myself right under her passenger side window.

Pulling up my head ever so slightly, I peeked into her window and noticed she was slumped over the steering wheel. For a moment there, I thought she was dead. But then I heard a soft whimper and a sniffle as if she was crying. Something inside me wanted to comfort her, but I knew I couldn't right at that moment. I had to stick to the task at hand. Plus, she would probably think I was a freak if I made my presence known.

I hurried over to the pile of branches and leaves on which the bikes were placed and found a piece of worn cardboard. Maybe, if I made a sign big enough for her to see, it would catch her eye and she would notice the bikes. I positioned the cardboard on the ground, retrieving the marker from my jeans pocket.

Racking my brain for something to write, I remembered the bumper sticker I saw in the parking lot at Newtons' Olympic Outfitters: "Sometimes, kismet happens." Carefully, I began to write the saying in large capital letters across the piece of cardboard. When I was finished, I stole a glance back over at Bella's truck, noticing that she was staring straight ahead out the windshield.

Realizing I didn't have much time left before she would notice me, I speedily leaned the sheet of cardboard against the mailbox in front of the house in her direction. I heard the engine of her truck cut off, and I realized I wouldn't have time to get back to my car without her seeing me. Thus, I paced my way into the cover of the trees on the opposite side of the house.

I watched as Bella got out of her car and let the rain douse her hair and clothes. She just stood there, staring blankly out at the road and houses before her. I kept screaming out to her in my mind. _Read the sign! Read the sign! Look at the bikes!_ I hoped by some kind of miracle that she would hear my silent calls to her.

Suddenly, Bella looked around, and her demeanor told me she was about to leave.

_No, don't leave! The bikes, Bella! The bikes!_ I yelled at her in my mind again, gritting my teeth in frustration.

Then, Bella stopped, and her eyes finally saw the sign. As if something just hit her in that moment, she flew toward the house and ran right up to the front door.

YES! A smile filled my face, for I knew my plan had worked. Bella wanted the motorcycles, and something inside me told me that she was going to take them home no matter what the cost might be.

As I watched, a boy in his early teens came to the door, and I listened intently to every word they both said. He was going to give her the bikes for free, judging from the fact that his mother wanted them gone as soon as possible. They talked for a few more minutes, and then he offered to help her place the bikes into her truck bed.

After they hoisted the bikes safely into her truck, I heard something that solidified that my plan had been successful.

"You know what? That's okay. I know someone who builds cars." Bella's voice suddenly filled with elation, and I could see she was smiling from where I stood. She was thinking of Jake. Someone who could help her get the bikes back into working order.

"Oh. That's good." I heard the boy reply, and Bella revved the truck's engine and slowly pulled away from the curb.

As soon as the boy reentered his house and closed the front door, I darted straight back to my car in the drizzling rain. Once inside, I rested my head against the steering wheel, taking a deep breath.

The weight of what I had just helped to accomplish rained down on me like the drops of precipitation outside my window. Bella was going to see Jake, and Ephraim's plan was finally set further into motion. Tears began to stream down my face, for I knew what the next step in my purpose would be. I cranked the engine to my rental car and reluctantly followed her truck toward La Push.

**Attn: All quotes taken from New Moon by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended. Please review! **


	27. Chapter 27

**Jacob Have I Loved**

**Chapter 27**

Trailing closely behind Bella's red truck in my rental car, I noticed that she wasn't heading toward La Push at all. She was on her way back home to Charlie Swan's house. The realization worried me, and for several seconds there, I feared my plan had not panned out exactly as I had strategized.

Bella quickly dashed from her truck when she pulled up in front of her father's house. As she escaped the drizzling rain to the comfort of her home, I waited patiently, hoping by some miracle that she would soon emerge and continue on the path I had intended for her. I could hear the faint sounds of her voice murmur something about Jake to Charlie, and judging from the fact that his police cruiser was not in the driveway, I determined she was speaking to him on the phone.

Seconds later, Bella stepped outside the house and ran straight for her truck. She was headed toward La Push, and I took a deep breath, realizing that I would have to face seeing Jake again for the first time in seven months. My heart started to beat faster with hesitant anticipation as I pursued Bella's truck toward the reservation, the place I would always call my home.

Suddenly, my cell phone began to vibrate in the pocket of my jeans. Struggling to retrieve it from my pocket while driving, I finally was successful and pressed the small phone to my ear.

"Hello?" I began.

"Jessica, where are you, honey? I called Ashley and Ali's house, and they said they haven't seen you at all today." My mom's voice sounded full of concern.

"It's okay, Mom." I sighed, making a right hand turn at the edge of town.

"No, it's not okay. Where are you, Jess? I'm worried sick. Are you in any trouble?" After hearing my mother's frantic words, I decided just to go ahead and tell her where I was. She would find out sooner or later when she got the credit card bill with the charge for my rental car.

"Mom, don't be angry, but I'm in La Push." I anxiously awaited her response, still following Bella's truck at a safe distance across the border of the reservation.

"You're in La Push! How in the world are you in La Push? It's only been three hours since you left the house!" I could tell my mother wasn't buying my story. Her tone was full of disbelief.

"Mom, don't worry. I'm okay. I just needed to see the rez again. Say goodbye to some old ghosts. I promise I'll be home tonight. Love you." I closed my eyes for a brief second and then snapped my phone shut, tossing it into the passenger seat. I would deal with my mother later. I had to make sure my plans worked out for Bella and Jake first.

Several minutes later, Bella reached Billy and Jake's house. It was just as I remembered it—a small, modest home with faded red paint. A place full of memories for Jake and me. Memories I would never get to relive again.

I passed by the house as I watched Bella pull up in the driveway. I stopped a few blocks away to ensure I remained unseen, killing the engine of my hatchback. After a few seconds, I exited the car.

Taking the woods on the short trip back to Jake's house, I could hear his beautiful, husky voice exclaim, "Bella!" It thrilled my soul to hear him speak again after all this time. I had refused to take his phone calls when we moved to Sacramento. A clean break, I had to remind myself over and over again. Talking to him would only make me want to be with him more. I couldn't do that to either one of us. It wasn't fair to him, but it wasn't fair to ignore him either.

As I neared the house, I stopped dead in my tracks, my mouth agape. There he was.

There were no words to describe how seeing Jake again made me feel in that moment. If I could compare it to anything, it would be like seeing your first sunrise or sunset. He was absolutely breathtaking. His beautiful, russet-colored skin almost glistened in the muted sunlight, and his long, black hair hung down about his shoulders. He looked as if he had aged several years. My breath caught in my throat as I noticed that the muscles of his arms had grown more defined, and something in my gut made me regret ever coming back. He was just too gorgeous for words.

"Come inside! You're getting all wet." I heard Jake tell Bella, waking me from my drool session.

Bella wasn't the only one getting all wet if you know what I mean. I chuckled slightly as I felt the heat flush on my cheeks.

Several minutes passed, and Jake and Bella appeared again, walking toward the shed just beyond a large hedge beside the house. Crouching, I crept through the concealment of the woods, so that I could get a better view of them. They were talking about his Rabbit and how Jake was finally going to finish it soon. I smiled briefly, remembering the dreams I had of riding in that same vehicle and making love to Jake in the backseat.

Shaking away my thoughts, I watched as Bella and Jake continued their conversation. She had now changed the subject to the motorcycles, her foremost reason for even being there in the first place.

"We'll have a joint party to make up for it." I heard Jake say after Bella said something about missing each others' last birthday.

"Sounds like a date." She replied, and Jake's face lit up like the Fourth of July.

How dare that bitch say that to him? I could feel my anger begin to boil in my blood. What was I thinking trying to bring them together? This was just maddening. HE BELONGED WITH ME. The anger surged throughout my body, and I had to take deep, calming breaths to keep myself from changing into my wolf form right on the spot.

When I finally snapped out of my bitch mode, I could now see Jake guiding one of the bikes from the back of her truck into the garage shed. Then, he retrieved the other while Bella just stood there possibly in awe of Jake's strength. He looked so damn sexy lifting those bikes off the truck bed. I could've run to him and thrown him on the first flat surface I saw with Bella as a spectator, but I digressed and tried to fight back my desires for the moment.

Suddenly, an unfamiliar scent saturated my nostrils, and I could detect the approaching sound of something behind me as it crackled through the leaves and twigs on the ground.

"Jessica? Jessica Burnside?"

I spun around, only to behold my cousin, Sam Uley, standing right before me. He was wearing nothing but a pair of cut-off jean shorts, and even though he was related to me by blood, I couldn't help but marvel at his chiseled chest muscles.

"What are you doing back in La Push?" His expression was hardened, and he seemed older, more mature, than when I last saw him. It almost seemed as if he was accusing me of trespassing or something even worse.

I gulped, forcing my fear back down my throat. "I needed to see Jake."

"Are your parents here?" Sam looked around, sniffing the air as if searching for my parents somewhere in the woods. "Are you alone?"

"No, Sam. They're back in Sacramento. I came alone." As I said those words, Sam leaned in toward me, inhaling deeply. I must admit this made me a little uncomfortable, not to mention a little freaked out.

"There's something strange about you, Jess." Sam looked confused and angry.

"Nothing's _strange_ about me." I abruptly turned and started to make my way back to my hatchback. Something about him made my stomach churn, and I wasn't going to stay and find out exactly what that something was.

"You're not going anywhere, Jess." He grabbed my arm from behind, pulling me under the cover of several overgrown bushes.

Fear almost crippled me at the sound of his incensed voice. I tried to think of some way to escape him, to get the hell out of there. The only thing I could think of was to wolf-out, and God only knew the consequences of that action.

Sam's grip tightened around my arm, almost cutting off my circulation. He sniffed my neck once again.

"What are you?" I could feel his hot breath on my neck, sending goose bumps across my arms and legs. I couldn't speak to answer his question.

"What the _hell_ are you?"

As he presented his question a second time, it hit me like a brick wall. Sam was now a wolf too; that was the only logical explanation. Since we were cousins and both descendants of Levi Uley, one of the first shapeshifters, the same genes flowed through his veins as did mine. Finally, I had found a kindred spirit.

"Are you a wolf, Sam?" I peered up at him, anxiously awaiting his response.

A look of shock flashed across his face, and he removed his vice grip from around my left bicep.

"How did you know about that?" Sam crawled back on his hands and feet and then collapsed into a seated position a few yards away from me.

"Because I'm one too." I confessed, looking him in the eyes.

"No way." Sam stared at me in wonder, his eyes about to bug out of his head. "It's not possible. Harry told me only male Quileutes can turn."

Harry Clearwater. Of course, Harry knew about this. So did Billy. Why the _hell_ didn't they say anything to me? I could've used some support all those months ago. Sam's revelation hit me like a forceful blow to the chest, and I couldn't help rolling my eyes in disgust.

"Well, he was wrong." I glanced back over at the garage. Jake was busy dismantling one of the motorcycles while Bella sat in the passenger seat of the Rabbit and observed. It looked like they were getting along just fine. "Sorry, Sam, but I need to go."

"Prove it." Sam cut me off as I turned to leave, that same angered expression greeting me.

"Sam, really I need to get back. Just take my word for it." I informed him, the frustration building up once again. Not only did I have to face my one true love hitting it off with another girl, but I also had to be inundated by my cousin and fellow wolf. I shouldn't have to prove myself to him.

"PROVE IT, JESS!" Something in the way Sam projected his voice that second time made me almost cower in fear before him.

Before I knew what was happening, he swiftly burst out of his shorts, and there standing before me materialized a massive, black wolf. He was huge, bigger than I ever could have imagined, and I felt the sudden urge to bow before him.

The Sam wolf let out a small, but intimidating growl, and I knew I had to prove to him that I was truthful before he would let me go. Not desiring for him to see me naked, I ran over to cover of several trees and quickly undressed. I concentrated hard on the myriad of emotions that I had experienced that day: anger, fear, sadness, despair . . . lust. Suddenly, the familiar burning, itching pain surfaced, and I transformed into my wolf form, emerging cautiously from the trees.

_Unbelievable._ I heard Sam's voice in my head. Did Sam just say something to me?

_Yes, Jessica, wolves can hear each others' thoughts._ Sam slowly moved closer to me, circling around me to get a full view. _When did you first phase, Jess?_

_Phase? Well, I changed back in June, a few weeks before my parents and I moved to California._ I sent my thoughts to him as I did to Ephraim those many months ago.

_Wow, you changed before I did._ Sam let out a small yelp.

_Really? Did Ephraim Black visit you too?_ I couldn't help but be curious.

_Ephraim Black? That's crazy, Jess. No, I sought advice from the elders._ I could hear him chuckle in his thoughts.

_Well, he came to me. Told me what I was and that I needed to break things off with Jake._ I turned my attention to Jake and Bella. They were now talking about their friends and their school lives.

_Break things off with Jake?_ Sam questioned, somewhat baffled.

_Yeah, he said that Jake and Bella had a connection and us being together was detrimental to the future of our tribe. Whatever the hell that means._ I rolled my eyes, still not fully believing in Ephraim's prophetic words.

_You sure you weren't high, Jess? If you swing that way, I know a good meth dealer._ I playfully nudged him with my paw, and he laughed, showing me his razor-sharp, jagged teeth. _Hey, I was only kidding._

_Shut the fuck up, Sam!_ I stuck out my wolf tongue at him. _He also told me we were cousins, you and I._

_Really? You mean, you're my cousin? How are we cousins?_

_My grandfather Burnside was Levi Uley's illegitimate child. Go figure._ I looked back at Jake and Bella, noticing that two familiar figures were now walking toward the garage. _Is that Quil and Embry?_

_Yeah, cuz._ Sam laughed.

_I thought I would never say this, but I miss those two almost as much as I miss Jake._ I frowned on the inside, my heart dropping into my stomach.

_What about Steph? You miss her?_

_Yeah, but we've kept in touch._ I drooped my head toward the ground, deflecting my gaze. _By the way, how are you and Leah doing?_

_Well, um . . ._ Sam's voice trailed off, and I know it sounds weird, but I could feel the sadness in his heart. _It's complicated._

_Oh, okay._ I didn't press the issue, sensing that it was a touchy situation. _What are you doing here anyway, Sam?_

_Keeping an eye on Jake._ Sam confessed. _You see, I've been acting as Alpha in Jake's stead. I'm waiting for him to change as well. Jared and Paul already have. Quil and Embry will eventually too._

_Wow._ I remembered Ephraim's words about Jake and how he would be appointed the Alpha of the tribe, the pack so to speak, one day. I completely understood Sam's reason for being there in that moment.

_So, Ephraim told you that as well?_ Sam huffed and let out a low growl.

_Yeah._ I replied.

_Well, Jess, I know that the council gave your father permission to move off the rez, so I won't bother you anymore. I know now that your place is not here._ He turned as to leave. _Thanks for your allegiance to Jake. I can read your thoughts and feel them almost as if they are my own. You care deeply for him, and I know staying here to join my pack would only hurt you worse. So . . . I'm letting you go._

I almost felt like crying, but I didn't want to appear weak before the acting Alpha.

_Thanks, Sam._ Those were the only words I could think to utter at the time. _That would mean a lot to me. It's nice to know I'm not alone._

_No problem, Jess._ Sam retorted, walking towards the woods.

_And don't tell Jake I was here, ok?_ That was the last thing I wanted.

_Of course, cuz._ After sending me those last thoughts, Sam's wolf body swiftly disappeared amongst the trees almost like a whisper, making hardly a sound at all.

"Jake, if I took these to a mechanic, how much would they charge me?" Bella's soft voice refocused my attention to the reason I came back to La Push.

"Okay, you're getting a deal." Jake responded.

"Not to mention the riding lessons." Bella supplemented, and the inside joke Jake, Embry, Quil, and I shared those many months ago flooded my mind once again. I closed my eyes, reminiscing about those times when Jake and I made love—the best lessons I ever learned.

"That's it, get out." I heard Jake say as a loud slap resounded into my ears. Since my eyes were closed at the moment, I could only guess that Quil was on the receiving end of that slap. Served the perv right.

Bella then told them she had to leave, and Quil and Embry made several taunting remarks as Bella sauntered back toward her truck. The sound of their jokes made me frown, and I knew it was time for me to leave as well. Soon enough, Bella would be back to see Jake's progress on the bikes and to help him buy the parts as they discussed earlier.

I rushed back behind the bushes and phased back, dressing myself when I had finished. Taking one last look at Jake, I noticed that Quil and Embry were nowhere in sight. Left all alone, Jake sighed, giving the dismantled bike a once over glance.

Then, for some unknown reason, Jake's head lifted in my direction, his beautiful, brown eyes staring right at me.

"Jess?" His voice loudly called to me.

SHIT! I ducked under the guard of the bushes again, hearing his footsteps crunch through the grass and fallen leaves toward me. DAMN IT ALL TO HELL! NO!

"OH MY GOD, JESS!"

Knowing that I had been discovered, I reluctantly stood up from my position behind the hedgerow, only to be welcomed by Jake's incredible, warm embrace.

**ATTN: Quotes taken from **_**New Moon**_** by Stephenie Meyer, the goddess of my life. Please review.**


	28. Chapter 28

**Jacob Have I Loved**

**Chapter 28**

"What are you doing here, Jess?" Jake slowly pulled away. I could still smell the wonderful musk scent emanating from the fibers of his clothes like an imprint on mine. His eyes searched mine for the answer to his question, a smile returning to his face.

Shit. How was I going to explain hiding in the bushes behind his house and spying on him like some crazed stalker? I had to think fast.

"Well, I came to see you and noticed you had company over and I didn't want to ruin that, so I decide to wait here until they left." I blurted out all in one breath, peering up at Jake and silently praying he would buy my little white lie. Well, it wasn't totally a lie, but close enough. I hated lying to him, but it seemed I would have to become an expert by the time our unexpected visit was over.

"That's crazy, Jess. You know, Quil and Embry wouldn't mind you being there." Jake shook his head, flashing me those perfectly-white teeth. "They probably would _love_ to take a few more shots at me." He chuckled, and it made me smile to see him laugh. It had been so long since I saw him happy. I relished in his laughter, breathing it in like a refreshing, summer breeze.

"About the riding lessons, right?" I looked passed Jake to the disassembled bike off in the distance, digging my hands into the back pockets of my jeans.

"Yeah." He glanced down at his feet, shuffling his feet nervously from side to side. "They've been giving me hell ever since you left."

"Oh, really?" I stole a glimpse at his bulging biceps beneath the sleeves of his shirt, my mouth salivating with every passing second. God, what I wouldn't have given to see what else had increased in size since I left La Push.

"Well, they've tried to fix me up a few times." Jake's eyes peered into mine again, his expression soft. "But I just don't have the interest."

I loudly gulped, watching his face like an accident you encounter on a highway. I just couldn't look away. He was so damn gorgeous, and I couldn't believe the words that were coming out of his mouth. He wasn't interested in any other girls but me. It warmed my heart to know that fact, but it also made me a little worried. I ultimately feared our little run-in was going to do more harm than good.

"What about Bella? I saw her here too." I made myself break his gaze, turning my head to look at the bike once again.

Jake was silent for a brief moment. Then, he sighed, running his ponytail through his right hand. "Well, there possibly could be something there. Her boyfriend moved out of town, just like _my_ girlfriend moved out of town." His tone was bitter.

Oh, God. Here we go. The guilt trip. I closed my eyes, feeling the daggers penetrate my heart one by one. I deserved that blow after all the pain and hurt I caused him. He was justified in every word that flowed from his mouth.

"Jake, you know it wasn't my fault I had to move." I grabbed his hand and then realizing what I was doing quickly let it drop back to his side.

"I know that, Jess." Jake reached over, taking my right hand with his left. The warmth of his hand was exhilarating; I had forgotten just how amazing it felt to have his hand in mine. "I just wish we could have kept in touch. You just _ignored_ me. That really hurt, you know?"

The look on his heartbroken face spoke volumes. It would have taken wild horses to drag me away from him in that moment. I wanted nothing more than to throw my arms around him, kiss him, make love to him, tell him that I was never going to leave him again. But that was a lie; we had grown too far apart. And we both knew it.

"I'm sorry, Jake." Several tears escaped my brown eyes, streaking down my face. I swiftly wiped them away. "I just thought a clean break would be best."

"You were wrong." His trio of words cut me deep, deeper than the previous daggers. His grip on my hand grew tighter, and I could feel his pulse racing just under his russet-colored flesh. "I kept waiting, hoping that one day you would call just so I could hear your voice again. But no . . . you never did."

I just stared at our hands entwined together. That's how it should have been. Us together. Jake and Jess. I cursed the day my dad's boss ever dreamt of promoting him. How dare they ruin my chances at happiness?

And Ephraim Black as well. Who was he to tell me I couldn't have Jake to myself? Fuck Bella. That bitch had nothing on me. Jake and I had a past together; we had been friends as long as I could remember. How could she ever give him anything that I couldn't offer him?

"Jess, are you okay?" Jake asked when I didn't answer, snapping me out of my reverie.

"Yeah, sorry. Just thinking about the past." I half-smiled at him.

"What happened, Jess?" Jake pulled me closer to him, our bodies almost touching. "You told me you loved me. We shared so much together. Why didn't you want to talk to me? Why did you just shut me out?"

He was right. He was always right. We _had_ shared so much together. We grew up together. We played together as children. We went to school together. We had the same friends. We gave our virginity to each other. We even had a pregnancy scare together. Jake never left my side once out of anger or frustration. He was always there, being the best friend I could ever have asked for. Why was I such a bitch to him? Oh, yeah, right. We're not meant to be together, and that just plain sucked ass.

"I didn't want to, Jake. It's kinda hard to explain." I could feel his intoxicating breath on my neck, making my body respond in ways I didn't want it to at that moment. I didn't know how much closer our bodies could get before I reached the point of no return.

"Jess, I want to know what I did to make you hate me." Jake wrapped both of his arms around my waist, drawing his face to mine. He rested his forehead sweetly on top of mine and closed his eyes.

For the love of all that is holy, why did he have to notice me a few minutes ago? I almost made it out of here without being detected, and now here I was—in his arms—trying with every fiber of my being to control the urges to renew our love right then and there.

"I didn't hate you, Jake. I still don't." I spoke in whispers, my breath becoming shallow.

He released his hold around my waist, bringing his palms up and cupping my chin. His eyes slowly opened. "Do you still love me, Jess? I _need_ to know."

I watched his beautiful eyes dance with mine for several seconds before I answered truthfully and wholeheartedly. "Yes."

A broad smile etched across Jake's face, and he brought my face to his, pressing his lips gently to mine. It was in those heart-pounding seconds that I lost all of my previous control. Unknowingly, Jake had pushed me passed the point of no return.

I grabbed the back of his head, closing the gap between our bodies, feeling his erection graze my pelvis. I kissed him with such a fervor, a need, a longing. It was as if I wanted to melt into him and become part of him forever.

Jake moved his hands down to my waist, hugging my ass with both of his palms. God, I had missed the feel of his fingers against my body. I craved them like an alcoholic craved his bottle of vodka. If I were a druggie, Jake was my own personal brand of heroin. I couldn't get enough of him.

"Hey, I've got an idea." He suddenly broke away from my lips, taking my hand. "We'll have to be careful 'cause it's up on blocks, but I don't want you to have to lay on the ground again."

My heart began to race even faster when I realized what he wanted to do. Jake wanted to make love to me in the backseat of the Rabbit, just as I had wished in the past. I couldn't believe my dream was finally becoming a reality.

"And we can't go in the house. Dad's there, and he'd kick my ass." Jake's laughter was like music to my heart. I could listen to it over and over again.

He opened the passenger side of the car, motioning me to enter. "After you, my lady."

I smiled and climbed into the Rabbit, crawling all the way to the other door. Jake jumped in beside me and shut the door behind him.

We both sat there, our hands resting in our laps. I couldn't believe I was here with him. I wanted to savor every second. But the eerie silence was deafening to me. I wondered if he was contemplating the validity of what we were about to do. To him, it possibly meant the renewal of our relationship. A new start. To me, it meant something entirely different. All the progress I had made with the Bella situation would be an utter waste. How would he be able to focus on her when he was still hung up on me? I couldn't break his heart for the second time.

"Jake, maybe we shouldn't do this." I told him, piercing the silence like a knife. "I still live hours and hours away. It wouldn't be fair to either of us."

"Jess." Jake pivoted in his seat, placing his right arm about my shoulders. "I've never wanted anything more in my life. I love you."

SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! Why didn't I just leave when Bella got here? DAMN IT! I was such a fucking tease. I shouldn't have even been there. FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!

I closed my eyes and remembering the reason I came here in the first place parted my lips. "Jake, I think you should date Bella."

"What are you _talking_ about?" Jake pulled away from me.

"Admit it, Jake. You like her. You do. I've seen the way you look at her. Your face always lights up whenever she's around." I tried to make him see my point without sounding like a jealous girlfriend, which I most certainly was.

"She's just . . ." I could see the heat of embarrassment burn on his cheeks, and he knew he had been caught.

"See. I told you." I forced a chuckle from my lips.

"It's not like that. She's just a friend." Jake opened the car door again and exited the car.

I got out as well, walking over to meet him. He leaned against the car, his arms folded across his chest.

"Come on, Jake. You like her. Admit it." I punched him playfully on the shoulders, but I felt the blow all the way to my heart.

A smile wider than a football field spread across his face, and his bit his bottom lip. "Yeah. God, I can't believe I'm telling you this. You must think I'm a total prick." Jake turned around, placing his folded arms atop the car and pressing his forehead to them.

I sauntered closer to him, patting him tenderly on the back. "I don't think you're a prick, Jake. You're just honest. That's all."

He sighed, elevating his head from the comfort of his arms. "The terrible thing is was that I was . . . oh, never mind."

"What?" I'm sure the quizzical look on my face was enough to make him answer my question.

"I was . . . Well, I was thinking of her when I was kissing you."

My whole vision went black at his statement. My heart fell like a solid lump into the pit of my stomach. What the FUCK did he just say? He was thinking of BELLA when he was kissing ME? Did I fucking hear that right?

I tried to control the invisible steam from blowing like a locomotive out my ears. I could feel the burning under my skin as if I was about to phase into my wolf form.

"Jess, I'm sorry. I _am_ a prick, damn it! And I was trying to make you feel guilty for ignoring me. I'm so sorry, Jess. Forgive me." Jake's eyes reminded me of a damned lost puppy, but he had just cut me deep.

"Jake, I don't understand you anymore. You say that you love me and that you missed me. You almost make love to ME and you say you were thinking of that Bella bitch the entire time. Please enlighten me because I think I'm going just a little mad over here trying to figure you out!" I screamed at him with all the anger I could muster.

"I don't know what it is. I love you, Jess, but I just have this strong attraction to her. I can't explain it." Jake threw his hands up in the air in surrender. "It's like the more I get to know her, the more I think about her and want to be with her. I know I sound like I'm going crazy."

I closed my eyes, trying to block out all my anger. Ephraim told me that Jake would feel a strong connection to Bella and that connection would help bring balance to our tribe. Maybe, what Ephraim said was right all along.

"Jess?" Jake was standing right beside me. I could almost feel his musky scent like the very blood pulsing through my veins.

"I think it's time for me to go." I attempted to hold back my tears as I hurriedly began to pace my way back to my hatchback.

"No, Jess. Wait!" He caught up to me, matching my pace. "I'm sorry. Please don't leave like this."

After a few seconds, we both reached my car. I opened the driver's side door, and Jake pushed it shut before I could sit down. He pressed me up against the side of the car, placing his arms on either side of my shoulders.

"Jess, I love you. I always will." He spoke, and I looked into his eyes. "Maybe, it was a good thing you came back—to give me the closure I needed."

"And the green light to go ahead with Bella." I finished his thoughts, gritting my teeth to the point I thought they would break.

"Yeah." Jake backed away and reopened the car door for me. "I guess so."

Before I got in, I turned back to him. "Jake, I think you and Bella will be perfect together. I know that for a fact."

He smiled at me with that gorgeous grin. "Thanks, Jess. That means a lot."

I entered the car and started the engine, pulling the door closed. As I placed my palms on the steering wheel, I felt the pressing urge to tell him one last thing.

Rolling down the window, I whispered. "I love you, too, Jake. You never forget your first love."

I shifted into drive and sped off, leaving him in the swirling dust behind me. I don't know if he heard those last words or not, but I secretly hoped that he did.

As I glanced back at him in the rearview mirror, a weight the size of the world was lifted off my shoulders. I knew then that I had done the right thing. I had pushed Jake toward his destiny as the future leader of our tribe. A destiny and a future without me.

Then, as suddenly as the weight lifted, my heart felt renewed, for I remembered Ephraim's final words to me that night I first transformed into a wolf:

_Please, Jessica, if you love Jacob, you will set him free. A greater love awaits you. One you cannot possibly imagine . . ._

I smiled at Jake's reflection as he waved to me from the looking glass.

A greater love awaited me. Somewhere out there, my true love waited. One I couldn't possibly begin to imagine . . . and Ephraim was right.

**Attn: Well, I know some of you may be disappointed that Jake & Jess didn't have any reunion sex, but he is starting to have feelings for Bella as we now know. There are only a few chapters left of this story. And I know you are about to die to know who Jessica's true love will be. Any guesses? Thanks as always for reading!**


	29. Chapter 29

**Jacob Have I Loved**

**Chapter 29**

During the eight years following that pivotal day, in which I said my final goodbyes to Jake in La Push, my life was nothing short of uneventful. I continued my high school education, graduating with honors from Sacramento High School as valedictorian, and even broke several records on the track and field team (GO DRAGONS). Mostly, my success on the track was due to my enhanced abilities as a wolf, and it allowed me an outlet to utilize some of those skills in ways other sports or hobbies couldn't.

After high school, I went on to graduate from the University of California at Berkeley with a degree in Environmental Law. I always wanted to help protect the environment, and being a Quileute, respect for the conservation of wildlife and habitats was engrained in our psyche throughout tribal life. With my degree in hand, I obtained an internship with a small firm in Sacramento and began my practice. I guess you could say my life was pretty much set for me at that point in my life, but something was missing. I never really felt that my life was complete, and I hardly felt content in regards to my personal life or more frankly, my love life.

During college, I met and moved in with a fellow law student, Taylor Spencer. Taylor was one of the sweetest men I had ever met, second only to Jake. We shared countless hours together studying our massive law books, relaxing by the TV with popcorn and a movie, jogging in the park together, and spending passionate nights together in our bed. However, I would cry myself to sleep most nights, feeling this gaping, relentless pain in my chest that something was just not right. It was in that year with Taylor that I decided to "give up the wolf" so to speak, and that part of my life was tucked away along with the heartfelt memories of my first love back in La Push. Sadly, our relationship lasted only until the end of that school year.

One day, during a very hectic week at the firm, I received an invitation to Stephenie's wedding, something I had been dreading ever since the day she and her fiancé Collin became engaged. Attending her wedding as her maid of honor meant that I would have to travel back to La Push and unleash those locked away memories once again. With a heavy-weighted heart, I decided to suck it up and packed my bags for the several hour flight to Washington.

Upon disembarking my plane at the Seattle airport, I rented a car, quite similar to the one I had rented to spy on Jake those many years ago, and made my way toward La Push. As I crossed the border into my beloved reservation and home, I noticed that not much had changed over the past eight years. The lush, green forest was exactly how I remembered it—beautiful and majestic; it was as if La Push had been frozen in time and I had never left.

The day of the wedding, I performed the usual maid of honor duties, helping Steph get ready for her walk down the aisle and holding her bouquet while she made her vows. Her wedding took place on the sands of First Beach, and she was marrying a fellow Quileute, Collin Houseman, about three years her junior. I was so happy for Steph; she and Collin seemed to be madly in love.

While they made their vows, Collin's face held the goofiest, lovesick grin I have ever seen. What really made me laugh was when Old Quil Ateara pronounced them husband and wife. Collin picked her up in his arms, cradling and kissing her all the way back down the aisle. Steph didn't even retrieve her bouquet from me, and I just stood there in sheer elation at my best friend's happiness.

Taking the arm of my cousin Sam, Collin's best man, I followed the happy couple as they retreated down the aisle. I couldn't help but notice Sam wink at a lovely, very-pregnant woman sitting in the congregation, but she was not Leah. I remembered Sam saying his relationship with Leah was "complicated," and I guessed they had decided to break it off years ago.

During the reception, which was also held on the beach, I took a much needed stroll along the shore, relishing in the crisp breeze and remembering my times in La Push as a child. My thoughts undoubtedly drifted to Jake, and I wondered why he didn't attend one of our dearest friends' wedding. Just as I pondered these thoughts, I heard the faint sound of someone approaching behind me.

"Jess?" A familiar, husky voice made my heart skip a beat.

I turned around only to behold that wondrous, beautiful face once again. My Jake was standing right in front of me. His face appeared exactly as I remembered it, but his hair had been cut to about an inch above his head. Regardless of his hairstyle, he was still gorgeous in his navy suit.

"Jake." The name caught in my throat, and I had to remind myself to breathe.

"It's great to see you again, Jess." Jake pulled me in for a hug, and the warmth of his body sent me back to those nights we shared together, his arms holding me tight against his chest.

"Same here." I told him as he released me, smiling from ear to ear like an idiot.

"How's life in Sacramento?" Jake asked, returning my grin. "I heard you are practicing law now."

"Yeah, I intern at a firm there—environmental law." I affirmed, staring deeply into his beautiful eyes. I had missed those eyes.

"Well, you always were intelligent. I knew you would be successful someday." The sun gleamed off his face as he spoke.

"Thanks, Jake. How's life been treating you?" I asked, feeling my nervousness begin to dissipate.

"I'm married actually." Jake beamed, looking off at the horizon.

"Really?" My mind immediately pictured him and Bella in their wedding garb posing for their first wedding picture.

"Yeah. Her name is Nessie. She's my whole world." Jake sighed. I had never seen him look so happy as he spoke her name. "We even have a son, EJ."

I was in complete shock at Jake's revelation. I couldn't believe that he wasn't married to Bella. All that crap I went through eight years ago to help him and Bella hook up had been in vain. I cursed Ephraim Black and his ridiculous ramblings about Bella and Jake's "connection" and felt the nausea begin to surge in my stomach. Maybe, I was just hallucinating those many nights ago when Ephraim spoke to me. I felt like digging myself a hole right there in the sand and pulling it on top of me until it suffocated me to death.

"That's great, Jake." I managed to mumble, instantly feeling sick.

"Yeah, we're expecting twins soon as well." Jake's announcement made my stomach pains even worse. I prayed that God would take me now and spare me the agony I was suffering. "But what about you? Anyone special in your life?"

"I'm seeing someone." Those were the only words I could muster enough strength to tell him. Of course, I wasn't seeing Taylor anymore, but I didn't want Jake to know how lonely and not to mention _jealous_ I was at the moment.

"Good." Jake looked back toward the reception. "Look, I have to go, Jess. But a couple of friends are getting together tomorrow for lunch at the Carver Diner. Would you like to join us?"

I followed Jake's gaze and noticed an exquisitely beautiful woman with long, curly reddish-brown hair waving to him off in the distance. A round bump was prominent about her waist. I knew in that moment that she was his wife, his "whole world."

"Ok, sure." I agreed to the lunch date not quite certain if it was a good idea or not. Part of me wanted to just get in my car and head back to the airport right then and there, never to return to La Push again. However, another part of me wanted to see some of our old friends again, and it made me think otherwise.

"Great, see you at noon then." Jake placed a warm hand on my shoulder and then turned to trudge the sand back to the reception.

I looked out toward the ocean completely and utterly saddened by my brief encounter with Jake. Jake had found happiness with his wife and children. When would it ever happen for me?

* * *

I waited anxiously in a corner booth at the Carver Diner the next day, twirling the straw in my glass of soda. I looked up at the clock above the counter and noticed it was two minutes to twelve. The nervous knot in my stomach turned slightly, and I knew this might be the longest lunch I would ever have in my life.

Suddenly, I heard the jangling of the bells from the entrance and turned only to see Jake enter with two of our most beloved friends, Quil and Embry. They were slightly more built and burlier than when I had seen them last, but nevertheless, my heart leapt at the sight of my old friends. I had missed them dearly.

At Quil's side was a small girl, probably about the age of ten, clinging to his hand as if he was her father or maybe even her best friend. I thought for a minute that she might be his daughter, but she was much too old, and I remember Quil still being a virgin when I left La Push.

"Jess, you remember these jerks, right?" Jake questioned, a smirk etched across his face.

"Of course, she remembers me. She was madly in love with me once. Right, Jess?" Quil boomed, punching Jake playfully in the stomach.

Plopping down beside me in the booth, Quil nudged me on the shoulder, and I quickly gave him a shit-eating grin. He cackled at my expression as Jake and Embry sat across from us in the booth.

"Quil, can I get a milkshake please?" Quil's petite companion asked, taking a seat at the counter across from us.

"Sure thing, Claire." Quil answered, his eyes lighting up like the sun. He immediately got up from his seat to request a shake from the waiter behind the counter.

"So, Jess, how's Sacramento?" I heard Embry inquire, and I turned my attention back to my two friends.

"Great, Embry. How are things with you?" I asked, looking into his brown eyes.

"Um . . ." Embry loudly gulped, staring at me with the widest eyes I have ever seen. He looked as if he had seen a ghost. "I . . ."

"Embry, are you okay?" I was completely perplexed. Had I said something wrong? Did I have something on my face?

Jake looked up from his menu and noticing the expression on Embry's face began to chuckle.

"Hey, Quil, check it out." Jake called to his friend at the counter, gesturing to Embry.

"Nice, Embry." Quil had twirled around and started laughing as well, making me even more bewildered. "It's about damn time."

"Will someone _please_ tell me what's going on?" I had a feeling there was an unspoken conversation going on, and I was the only one oblivious to it.

"It's a little complicated. Right, Embry?" Jake answered me, perusing his menu. "Right, Embry?"

Embry was as still as a stone statue, staring at me with those bug-eyes. I began to grow extremely frustrated at his rudeness, and I had half a mind to slug him from where I sat.

My exasperated thoughts were soon interrupted by the jingling bells of the entrance to the diner as they rang out again.

"Daddy!" A small, black-haired child came running straight to Jake. He looked no more than a few years old.

"EJ!" Jake exclaimed, practically leaping from the booth and scooping the boy up into his arms.

I realized that the child was Jake's son, and my heart instantly filled with happiness at the sight. The child was extremely gorgeous and had the most haunting green eyes. To my surprise, I didn't even feel one hint of jealousy that the child wasn't mine. Somehow, I knew _this_ child was special.

Behind the boy, the beautiful, obviously-pregnant woman, who I had suspected was Jake's wife on the beach the previous day, entered along with another one of my long lost friends, Leah Clearwater. My Quileute friend was just as breathtaking as I remembered.

"Ness, this is my friend from high school, Jessica Burnside. Jess, this is my wife, Nessie." Jake introduced me to his wife, cradling his son in his arms.

"Nice to meet you, Jessica. I've heard so many things about you." Nessie sat down beside me in the booth, smiling. Something puzzled me about her crooked smile, and she seemed to resemble someone I knew, but I couldn't place my finger on it.

"And this little monster is EJ." Jake introduced his son, tickling him on the stomach. EJ cackled and then waved at me for a brief second.

"Aunt Leah!" EJ squealed in Jake's arms. "Embry imprint on Jess."

Leah and Jake's wife instantly smiled and busted out into a fit of laughter. What the hell did that child mean by "Embry imprint on Jess"? What kind of fuckery is this?

"Great to see you again, Jess." Leah plopped down in the booth beside Embry, trying to quell the imminent laughter from escaping her lips. "Embry stopped staring at Jess. She's going to think you have a crush on her or something."

Another round of laughter erupted around the table, and I felt my frustration beginning to peak. Embry sat there frozen, his attention still fixed on me. What the hell was going on?

Feeling just a bit out of place and uncomfortable, I decided it was time for me to leave. I didn't want to humiliate myself any more than I should, and Embry wasn't helping the situation. My former pretenses about this lunch were becoming a reality.

"Um, if you'll excuse me, I need to go. My flight leaves in three hours." I relayed to the gathering around me as the laughter finally subsided. Embry's face looked instantly heartbroken and pained.

"Sure, Jessica." Nessie slid out the booth, so that I could leave.

"Nice seeing you all again." I stood up from my seat, making my way past Quil to the door.

"Jess, wait!" I could discern Jake's voice calling to me as I exited the diner and headed for my rental car.

"I'm sorry that happened in there." Jake apologized for his friends' behavior as I opened the door to my car. I caught a glimpse of Embry standing in the entranceway to the diner. "That was very rude of us."

"It's okay really, Jake." I sat down in the driver's seat and shut the door. "I just need to get to the airport." I put the key in the ignition, but to my dismay, the car wouldn't start.

"Shit!" I growled in frustration, hitting the steering wheel with my fists, after trying several additional times to start my car.

"Jess, if you need a ride to the airport, I can take you in my truck." Embry was now standing by the car, keys in hand and a smile across his face.

"Yeah, Jess, why don't you let Embry take you to the airport?" Jake chuckled slightly under his breath as he spoke. "I'll take care of your rental for you."

"Ok, whatever." Rolling my eyes, I reluctantly got out of the car only to see Embry run straight to my trunk in preparation to unload my luggage. I popped the trunk for him, and he immediately began transferring my bags to his vehicle.

"It was great to see you again, Jess." Jake pulled me into a hug, but this time I didn't feel the normal exhilarating warmth of his embrace. Something was different now. Maybe, I had finally gotten over him.

"You too, Jake." I smiled at him, watching Embry chivalrously open the passenger door of his truck for me to enter.

"By the way, Embry needs to tell you something on the way to the airport." Jake whispered. "Keep an open mind. He's a great guy."

"Ok." I exaggerated the two letters, my eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

It was going to be a long ride to Seattle.

**Attn: I know some of you might be confused because Jess is related to Sam and there is much speculation that Embry is Sam's half-brother. All will be explained in the next and final chapter. Are you ready for it? I'm not sure that I am. *sniff* Thanks as always for reading.**


	30. Chapter 30

**JACOB HAVE I LOVED**

**Chapter 30**

On the way to the airport, Embry was for the most part extremely quiet. He kept fidgeting in his seat and wiping the sweat from his hands onto his jeans. He would look over at me frequently and smile that same goofy grin I saw on Collin's face the previous day at Steph's wedding. Had all the men in La Push gone completely mad? I couldn't help but wonder.

Then, something inside me began to change. I could feel some sort of attraction or pull to Embry. I just couldn't explain it. I glanced over at him and couldn't help but to stare at his biceps protruding from the strains of the T-shirt he was wearing. My eyes then marveled at his peck muscles clearly visible through the taunt, blue fabric.

My mind flew back to the day I first partook in cliff-diving, remembering how sexy Embry had looked in that dripping wet T-shirt. Before I knew it, I was salivating at the very sight of Embry, and I couldn't for the life of me understand why. Steph had always had a crush on Embry when we were in high school, but I could never comprehend her irrevocable fascination with him.

Until now.

Catching me drooling at his muscles, Embry peered over at me and reached his hand across the seat. He gently placed his palm on top of my hand resting on the leather cushion at my side. Surges of electricity streamed through my body as he held his hand on top of mine. I had never felt more emotionally charged in my entire life. I immediately felt love for the man sitting beside me.

Had my true love finally come at last? Was he the one I was destined for? _Embry Call?_

"Embry, pull over." I commanded him and quickly pulled my hand away. My breath was coming in short gasps now. I felt like I might be having a panic attack.

"Is everything okay, Jess?" Embry's expression hardened as he parked the car on the side of the road just outside of Olympic National Park.

"What happened back at the diner?" I questioned Embry, hoping he could give me the answers I needed. I tried with little success to control my rapid breathing.

"Um . . ." Embry ran his fingers through his hair, and I don't know why, but that simple action seemed so damn sexy to me. "Jess, have you ever heard of imprinting?"

"No, what is it?" I responded, remembering Jake's son and the observation he had made at the diner earlier.

"Well, you know the legend of our tribe. How we supposedly descended from wolves?" Embry stared down at his hands as he spoke. Somehow the pieces of the puzzle began to click right into place.

"I know about the wolf thing, Embry." I told him, and he snapped his head up at me in wonder. "I know you are a wolf."

"Really? How long have you known?" He asked, exhaling in relief.

"For eight years now." I confessed, looking out through windshield at the desolate highway. "I'm one too or I used to be."

"What? You mean Leah isn't the only female wolf?" Embry's eyes widened in disbelief.

"Leah's a wolf?" I retorted. I couldn't believe there was another female wolf in existence. I was completely astonished.

"Yeah." Embry sighed, his eyes softened.

We sat in silence for a few more moments, and then Embry continued, "Jess, male wolves find their soulmates by imprinting on them. The moment I saw you, I knew you were my soulmate."

"That's why you stared at me so rudely?" I joked, smirking at him.

"Sorry about that." He laughed, a smile broadening on his face. "I've always liked you, Jess. But the moment I saw you again, I knew that I would always love you and spend the rest of my life with you. Does that make any sense at all?"

It sort of made sense, but how was it possible for someone to fall in love so quickly? I couldn't believe what was unfolding right in front of me. All I knew was that I was beginning to have the very same feelings for Embry as he felt for me. It was the most exhilarating feeling on Earth.

Embry reached out his hand, taking my right palm into his and leaning his head toward mine. I involuntarily leaned in toward him as if his lips were pulling me like some kind of invisible magnet. I couldn't control myself. I wanted to feel the heat of his lips pressed against mine.

Our lips touched tenderly, and the electrical current of bliss shot through my body like a raging tide. Before I knew it, I was knotting my hands in his hair, and our kiss was becoming more passionate. The taste of his lips was like smooth caramel, and I drank it up as though it were the sustenance to my very existence.

Embry shifted in his seat, pulling me into his lap. As I straddled his hips, he moved his fingers up the fabric of my purple blouse, placing kisses down my throat and around the exposed flesh of my décolletage. The sensation of his skin against mine sent shivers down my spine, and I could feel him hardening against my ass. I wanted him, needed him. NOW.

"When does your flight leave again?" Embry inhaled deeply, his lips leaving my skin.

"What flight?" I whispered back, smirking at him.

Embry mirrored my smirk and instantly crushed his lips back to mine. Laying me down on the leather seat, he sat up to remove his shirt, and I responded by removing mine as well. I rose up on my elbows to gaze at his perfectly chiseled abs, my mouth standing agape at his gorgeous form. He was like an Adonis in russet-colored skin before me. How in the world could I be so lucky?

And was he really about to take me in a truck? On the side of the highway? I must be going nuts. But I didn't fucking care at that moment. It could have been broadcast on national television, and I would have waved at the damn camera.

Embry carefully unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans, allowing his erection to spring forth in front of me. I blushed, for it was so much bigger than I was expecting.

"No underwear?" I giggled, my right eyebrow arched.

"I don't wear them." He replied, helping me unhook my bra and flinging it to the side. If I couldn't get any wetter from the sight of his cock, I gushed at his very words. "God, every part of you is so beautiful, Jess. Why did you ever leave La Push?"

"Um, I had to, and you're not so bad yourself, wolfboy." I laughed as he took my left nipple into his mouth, circling it several times with his tongue. My God, that felt so amazing. I moaned, elevating my body slightly off the seat at his touch.

Slowly, Embry moved his lips down to my waist, tracing my torso with featherlike kisses, and unfastened my jeans. The tension between us was almost unbearable. I couldn't wait to become one with him.

Sliding off my jeans along with my panties, Embry positioned himself between my legs. He leaned down to place a kiss on my lips and then looked into my eyes. His eyes appeared as though they were flushed with tears.

"Embry, what's wrong?" I asked, returning his gaze.

"Jess, I've been waiting for this moment for eight years. I want this more than anything." Embry answered. "Are you sure you want me?"

I couldn't think of the right words to say to him in that moment. All I knew was that I wanted him with every fiber of my being. He was the love I had been searching for, the greater love that awaited me as Ephraim had foretold those many years ago. I knew it now; I knew it with all my heart.

"Yes, Embry." I took his hardened member into my right palm, placing him at my moist entrance. "Make love to me."

Embry kissed me again, thrusting inside me with all of his might. As soon as he entered me, my whole world spiraled out of control. Completeness shot through my veins like a drug, and I became immediately addicted to him. We both cried out in ecstasy, looking into each others' eyes. I could feel the charge of rapture taking me over as he began to make love to me, slowly and lovingly in the cab of his truck.

I could feel my peak begin to build as I detected the soft sounds of rain hitting the roof of our blissful haven. Embry massaged my breasts with his right palm while using his other to rub the bundle of nerves between my legs. I screamed out in pure unabashed pleasure as my orgasm rocked throughout my core, radiating outward to the rest of my body. Talk about mind-blowing.

The contractions of my climax triggered his own, and he began to pound into me more forcefully. Embry cried out and released inside me just as the flicker of a lightning bolt flooded my eyes and the crack of roaring thunder boomed off in the distance. It was as if our passion triggered the electrifying storm all around us.

"Wow, Jess." Embry collapsed against my chest, and I hugged him close against my body.

We lay there holding each other for what seemed like hours, savoring the afterglow of what we both had just experienced. We talked about our lives and shared memories of the past eight years. I couldn't believe how easy it was for me to talk to Embry, to share my innermost and deepest secrets with him—even those regarding Jake. He told me that he had been working at a garage with Jake for three years now after flunking out of college. How everything he had done up until the moment we met again had left him unfulfilled and unsatisfied. The moment I reentered his life, the world instantaneously made sense to him again. I smiled and told him I felt the very same way.

Embry held me close as the rain gently beat down on the roof of his truck, and the memories of Jake and the love we once shared evaporated without a trace.

* * *

I couldn't believe how easy it was for me to fall in love with Embry Call. After that afternoon in the truck, Embry and I couldn't spend even a few hours apart from each other without feeling the need to be together again. I decided to leave my firm in Sacramento and find a job at a local practice near La Push. Embry couldn't be happier at my decision. I wouldn't be making as much money as I did in Sacramento, but I couldn't bear to take Embry away from what he loved the most (other than me)—La Push.

Within a month, I moved into his small house in La Push, and Embry proposed. We were married that summer, only three months after I returned for Stephenie's wedding. Imprinting, Embry explained, was irreversible. We were meant to be together, so why put off the inevitable? We were madly in love with each other. Not to mention, we couldn't go a single night without satiating our physical desires for the other sometimes into the wee hours of the morning.

I also learned more about Jake and why he ended up with his wife Nessie instead of Bella. To my utter amazement, Nessie was Bella and Edward's daughter—Nessie Cullen Black. I told Embry it just didn't make sense that a seven-year-old could grow up so fast and have three children already. Despite Jake's objections, Embry told me that Edward was really and truly a vampire . . . no fucking joke. That's why Nessie grew up so quickly. Could vampires even sire children? Still confused, but elated to have found my one true love, I finally decided just to accept it as reality.

I realized that Ephraim's prophecies were true the moment I saw them together as a family at my wedding. Of course, Jake served as Embry's best man, and Nessie looked stunning in her beautiful sundress as she sat amongst the congregation. Jake had found his soulmate in Bella's daughter; that is why he felt so connected to her those many years ago. I couldn't have been any happier for them.

"Hey, beautiful." I opened my eyes the morning after our wedding night to the most angelic face on Earth. "I mean Mrs. Call."

Embry hovered above me, his eyes radiating with the love he held for me. I lifted my head to press my lips lovingly to his, and he returned my kiss with a fervor I had never seen him display.

"Jess?" Embry spoke after several moments of liplock. "How come you decided not to phase anymore? I think it would be so sexy to see you as a wolf."

"Embry Call, you are disgusting!" I smacked him on the back of his head.

"Ow!" He rubbed the spot on his head. "You know what I mean."

"I don't know why I did." I laughed, feeling the warmth of his body become even stronger as he lay on top of me. "I guess I just wasn't in La Push anymore with the rest of you guys. I didn't need to anymore."

"That's fair enough." Embry rolled off my body and rested on my left side. "I've never been able to figure out why you are a wolf. I mean, your father isn't a descendent of the first wolves."

"Actually, my grandfather was Levi Uley's son. I'm related to Sam." I confessed, resting my head on his chest.

"Well, I know one thing." Embry said after pondering my statement.

"What?" I asked rising up to take in his face.

"I guess we can rule out Sam's dad as mine." He chuckled, placing a hand over his face. "Either that or we're cousins and that's just sick!"

"I guess so." I replied, pulling his hand from across his face. I looked deeply into his eyes and felt my body soar with the love I held for him. "I love you, Embry Call."

Embry's eyes became serious, taking my hand into his. "I love you, too, Jessica Call."

Our bodies melted into each other as our lips met. My mind raced back to that Saturday on First Beach those many years ago. I thought I would never love anyone as much as I loved Jacob Black that day on the beach. I had been greatly mistaken.

Jacob have I loved, but Embry have I loved . . . forever.

**THE END**

**Attn: I would just like to say thank you from the bottom of my heart for partaking in this journey with me. At the end of March, after finishing My Renesmee, I was in a bookstore, trying to think of an idea for a new fan fic. I thought, "What if Jacob had a love before Bella?" I thought it might be interesting to tell the story from a girl's POV just as **_**Twilight**_** was written from Bella's POV. I scoured the book for any mention of a girl who could possibly be my heroine, and on page 118, I found Jessica. Thus, Jacob Have I Loved was born.**

**I am going to miss Jessica so much. I hope you have enjoyed reading her story as much as I have enjoyed writing it. Love you guys with all my heart! I am still writing True Alpha (EJ's story) and would love to hear your thoughts if you haven't read it already. Thanks again for reading.**

**DAZZY xxoo**


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